I'm just in a "survival mode" since getting back to work from maternity

[Dahlia5]

Just after some advice please. I came back to work from maternity when my baby was 8 months old.

I work in a semi-specialist role on an average salary. There is a good scope for career progression within the company and there were quite a few opportunities in the last year that a lot of my colleagues took.

Before maternity I felt like I was doing a good job, developing myself, taking part in projects etc. as this is what's needed to progress within my company. However ever since I came back from maternity (and it's been over 7 months), I feel like I'm just in "survival mode" all the time. I do the bare minimum whilst at work as I don't have energy to do anything that would push me towards growth and career progression. My child attends nursery and has been constantly catching nasty bugs (and passing onto us too), which is draining me and DH and we have to take extra days off when we're all sick.

I would love to become "old myself" again, the one who was motivated and passionate. I'd love to progress to a better position and increase my salary, but I won't achieve that with my current attitude.

Anyone has been in the same boat? How did you get through it and how long did it take you?

Honestly? Just give yourself some time. There is absolutely no need to have an attitude of 'must push myself harder, just progress' when you have just come back to work after having a baby.

Things have changed. You are probably running on less sleep, your priorities are different, and it's a bit of a shock to the system.

Give yourself time. I have been back at work now for 18 months, and really only in the last 3-4 have I been pushing for promotion. I could've done it before but I didn't want it enough. In the simplest terms, If you really want something you'll go and get it. Perhaps it's not the right time to be pushing yourself to climb up the ladder.

Give it time, there is no rush. You're a different person now, you're a mum. The old you may well come back but your life has changed, you almost need to accept that life won't be the same as before you had a child.

@bandage Thank you so much for your message. It's reassuring to know that the drive comes back at some point. I hope you'll get the promotion you're after!
I guess I have a bit of fear of missing out... Just need to remind myself that the opportunities will be always there and maybe I'm not ready yet. But on the other had I wouldn't like to get stuck in a rut for too long as it has its downsides too.

Our work unofficially expect less from you for your first year back. This is knowing you’ll be sleep deprived and have loads of nursery caught illnesses to deal with. You’ll get some of them too.
It is hard to feel like everyone else is pushing on and you’re just treading water- but it is what it is.
Until March you can expect an onslaught of winter bugs. So just knuckle down and survive. Chicken pox then emerges and I’d recommend the vaccination (I did with my last child), as you can need a couple weeks off for this.
You may find it is years before your work enthusiasm really returns, but we are all different. You are back at work, so that at least allows you to place hold.

I was like this. Still is, but I have accepted this will be the case for a while till my baby is a little bit older and hopefully sleeps better too.

I came back to work just as the company was going through big changes so several people in my team went for promotions and 'greener' pastures with other companies, then the cost of living started to bite and I felt I needed to earn more to counter the effects of it but then I took a pause. Could I really take on this much more responsibility on less than 5 hours of sleep a night? The extra money wasn't worth it. I would be on call more and working longer hours. My babies are still so little.

So I am content. I do my current job to my best ability, I dont feel guilty anymore that it might come across as unambitious to not go for a career progression now. The eork life balance is good at the moment. I am growing my little family, and as the babies get older, I will then maybe become more selfish to do more for me, like study for a masters or promotions at work.

I'm only just coming out of this mode now and my son is nearly 4. Until this year I was just too exhausted to contemplate pushing myself. I was still doing my job well, but no extras.

Some people seem to get back into it sooner, you might too. I think it's mainly linked to sleep.

Thanks all for taking the time to reply.

I agree that lack of sleep, exhaustion and sicknesses are a big factor. Last month we have vaccinated DS against chickenpox so at least that's one less thing to worry about.

I also agree it's hard to see others (especially the ones who have been there shorter than you) progressing while you just get by.

From the new year I'm planning to take small stepst hat will get me closer to where I want to be, but without putting too much pressure on myself, especially until the nursery sicknesses let go a bit. I'm hoping that after a year in nursery the little one won't be getting sick every couple of weeks, someone please tell me it gets better!

Absolutely! FOMO is real. Whether it's work, or friends going out for drinks, doing things you used to do with infinite freedom. You'll adjust through time and it will come back. Just take the pressure of yourself, the only one putting pressure on you, is you.

Well done for going back to work with a little baby. It's really hard and the fact that you want to some point aim for progression shows you're going in the right direction!

@Dahlia5 the sickness does slow down after a year or so. The time when you’ll see the real difference is the 1st year of school. Those kids who have been at home with parents more days, tend to get hit by all bugs at this point . Yours will be mostly fine.

My children are 11 and 13 and I’m still like this!

We have a much bigger overall mental load, less time to go the extra mile at work, and less recovery time - so it’s no surprise really! You get used to it but it’s never easy.