TA feel disrespected and picked by parents

[Negi]

I work as a TA in a primary school, the parents of that class I work are really disrespectful towards me but not to any other members of staff in my classroom (I am not English).
I been with this class for 4 years and loved working in this school, the head and the staff are absolutely lovely and supportive but parents recently having constantly something to say about me like: my child wanted to say something to you and you didn’t listen to her, you don’t give her enough time to my child to explain her self or another parent said I shouted at her child in the dining hall the day before when I wasn’t even in the dining hall that day and her child said to that mum no I didn’t say it was her, in front of me and the mum kept saying to the child yes you said that to me.
I am very caring and funny and adore children but these past few weeks had made me feel that I am being bullied and picked by them. They have that What app group and probably I am the talk in there, now even two staff members who work in my school and have children in my class don’t talk to me like they use to, they just give me a fake smile are a nod and that’s it while everyone else at school is normal like they always been towards me.
I been very ill last week and still went to work this week just because I knew the teacher needs me but now I regret how much of my own time I give that I don’t even get paid for for that class.

Yesterday I spoke to teacher and the head they were understanding and upset because they know how hard I work. The teacher that I work with is upset about it as we have an amazing working relationship and he knows how much I give for that class not just teaching but emotional support to that class as we have a very challenging class.
None of the other TA’s in our school wants to work with these children, they think I am a Saint for working working with them for 4 years.
I really appreciate your thoughts, should I leave and find another job or stay there and feeling rubbish even though I haven’t done anything wrong.
thanks
sorry for a long post I am just very upset.

Don’t the parents change every year? Surely you stay with the same teacher in a particular year?

She's said repeatedly that she's been with the same class for four years. Some schools do this, especially with one to ones, for continuity.

It's very difficult but sometimes you have to tune out all of that parent stuff. Cut down your interaction with them by not going on the door or gate if that is OK with your teacher. The head may need to step in with the parents if it doesn't stop though.

Don't think about the WhatsApp groups! That's the same everywhere unfortunately. It sounds like your teacher is very supportive of you which is great.

You had a few bad weeks. Parents can be arseholes when they feel they need to protect their kids. You were unfairly targeted but it was probably bad luck and I doubt they are all talking about you on WhatsApp. If it happens again stick up for yourself robustly but politely and try not to overthink it.
I hope you can have a good weekend putting energy into something else. It will look better on Monday.

Many things to unpick here. Firstly if you genuinely love your job ignore the parents.

Why are you having to deal directly with the parents- that should be the job of your class teacher. They are paid much much more than you....take a step back.....a physical step back if necessary. Don't be on the door or the gate. If a parent has an issue they need to talk directly to the teacher. (It sounds lile you have been there 4 years and the parents have got overly familiar - some healthy distance won't hurt. A reminder of schools policies won't hurt.....no policy says to take complaints to the TA.)

When you say 'I don't even get paid for that class" - what do you mean? Why are you working somewhere for free....or have I misunderstood.....surely you are paid hours to work at the school wherever they put you. Unless you are specifically a 121. Or do you mean you put in additional hours for free? (We all do that in school....but maybe you shouldn't.)

Continue to talk to your line manager - constructively. They should support you through this.

To be fair, being with the same class for 4 yrs could mean, I’ve worked with year 3/mrs smith for 4 yrs as againSt the same kids.

Please don’t let some horrible parents hound you out of your job. I think the head teacher should be dealing with this but will need evidence if she/he is to deal with this effectively. You need to write down every instance of verbal or written bullying and take it to the head. You are saying that you think they are writing things on WhatsApp but this is just an assumption. Perhaps the head could investigate this with the teachers who are part of that group. Bullying should never be tolerated by managers at work but, on the other hand, you can’t just assume things have been written without evidence. Start writing instances down this week and email the list to the head.

@Mumdiva99

She didn't say 'I don't get paid for that class'

She said 'I regret how much of my own time I give that I don’t even get paid for for that class.'

It's perfectly clear.

Where do you speak to parents? At the end of the day? Do you need to go to the gate. Maybe ask your teacher I’d at least until Christmas you can stay on the classroom and clear up at the end of the day or similar. If they approach you out of school I’d say talk to the teacher at pick up.

You’ve done well to chat talk to your class teacher and head. Hopefully they can get to the bottom of things or build you up a bit.

If this is a difficult class of children, it might be that the parents are just quite difficult too. It’s also possible that it’s not personal towards you, with the parents caught up in their own complex issues and their interactions with you being tainted by this.

At the same time it’s important for parents to advocate on behalf of their children. So in some respects a thick skin is needed by staff.

I have known a small handful of parents behave awfully on a WhatsApp group. Bitchy, very reflective of the mean spirited people they are. I have also known school staff and school volunteers behave in the same manner. Most people are not like this however and would seek to distance themselves from such unkind behaviour. Be clear in your mind that the parent group are not one entire mass, all thinking the same thing, as infact they are the polar opposite and all individuals.

As long as you know you are doing your best that’s all that matters. Stay strong in yourself. There are many who value your hard graft.

I worked 1:1 with a child in this class for two years than became TA in year two with the same class, when they moved into year 3 SLT thought, as it is a challenging class it would be a good idea for children to have a familiar face in there.
that’s why I’ve been with the same class for 4 years.

Be less available to the parents. Don't go out at the end of the day. Any complaints that do get to you should be politely directed to the teacher. E.g. I am sorry you are unhappy. You need however to speak to the teacher about this. You are not paid enough for this.

Thank you for your replies, really made me feel better this morning as I didn’t sleep thinking about it.
We have decided that from Monday I will do early morning task with children in the classroom and CT to be on the door.
we have a parent who comes in the morning and stays with her child for 20-30 minutes by the classroom door or in the classroom as the child doesn’t want mum to leave that’s why the teacher stays in the classroom mainly the minute that parent arrives.
And me or the other HLTA welcome the children in the morning.

I said above about doing things on my own time, I go 20-30 minutes before my shift starts I send my children to breakfast club, to a different school then go to my class, I like being organised and having a nice and tidy class, water and snack ready for children, speak to teacher about any resources that we need preparing for the day and contractually I finish before 3 pm so I can pick up my own kids from school but most of the time they have clubs or their dad picks them up I stay until 3:15-3:30 and never asked to be payed for it as I did to support the teachers that I worked with. Will I do any of it now, not as of Monday because I don’t see the point, I will do things that my role requires me to do.

@Negi how has it been so far this week?

Hi I know this is an old post but was wondering how things are going for you now? Iv been working as a TA for a year now and absolutely love the children but the parents! I feel like they don’t respect me and can be quite rude and dismissive even though I spend the most time with their children than the teacher. I feel some of them look down on me. Thanks x