High performer after having children?

snoodles · 2022-11-21T10:33:22+00:00

I'm nearly 40. I have an ok job but I'm definitely coasting as I have small children so I don't feel I can give more to work than I am due to all the responsibilities of having small children and husbands job is taking priority at the moment. (husband is great, very much involved dad and partner - no issues). I'd like to hear from those who have kickstarted their career a few years after having children. How did you do it? What helped? I guess I'm lacking in motivation to do more to then earn more.

Original poster

snoodles · 23/11/2022 12:25

Hopeful bump

OP posts:

Tomorrowisalatterday · 23/11/2022 12:35

My career has really flourished after children.

I think the main reason is that I really wanted it and found it frustrating feeling as good as people more senior to me.

We have never prioritised DH's career over mine.

It sounds like the main issue for you is that you don't really want it enough which is fine and you might feel differently in a few years when your kids are older.

AriettyHomily · 23/11/2022 12:36

It took a while, but really when DTs were a couple of years into school. I went P/T for three years which had a big impact, they're now at secondary school and I am back where I should be when not pissing about on mumsnet

Original poster

snoodles · 23/11/2022 15:34

I think yes I don't want it enough right now. I don't want the extra stress. But in a year or so I might.

OP posts:

Original poster

snoodles · 23/11/2022 15:35

AriettyHomily · 23/11/2022 12:36

It took a while, but really when DTs were a couple of years into school. I went P/T for three years which had a big impact, they're now at secondary school and I am back where I should be when not pissing about on mumsnet

So while they were in primary school did you work part time? Did your career take off after the children were more self sufficient?

OP posts:

mynameiscalypso · 23/11/2022 15:37

I used some of my maternity leave to study a related qualification. Came back to work with a new sense of purpose, more knowledge and more idea about what I wanted to do. I ended up getting a new job after about 9 months and it's absolutely my dream job. DS is 3 so I still work part time (4 days per week) but I am far better at getting shit done these days. Having hard deadlines (ie needing to pick my child up from nursery) means I get my head down rather than drifting. I work less hours these days but get the same, if not better, results.

Original poster

snoodles · 23/11/2022 15:58

mynameiscalypso · 23/11/2022 15:37

I used some of my maternity leave to study a related qualification. Came back to work with a new sense of purpose, more knowledge and more idea about what I wanted to do. I ended up getting a new job after about 9 months and it's absolutely my dream job. DS is 3 so I still work part time (4 days per week) but I am far better at getting shit done these days. Having hard deadlines (ie needing to pick my child up from nursery) means I get my head down rather than drifting. I work less hours these days but get the same, if not better, results.

That's great!

It's that sense of purpose I need to get back. Perhaps it doesn't help that my team and manager aren't inspiring. I need to get in gear!

OP posts:

DarlingCoffee · 25/11/2022 17:00

I definitely took a step up in my career once my children were well into primary school. Hybrid working has also helped and having a family friendly employer.

Justthisonce12 · 26/11/2022 21:35

The big jump for me was when it became financially worthwhile. I put everything into about two or three months and hit the 70 K mark as a result, and then I could actually tangibly see what it was I was going to work for which massively motivated me.

MsFrog · 26/11/2022 21:45

You don't need to get into gear if you don't want to, OP. Having young children is very draining and consuming, and it's fine to just go to work and do your job and that's it for a while. You have another 25 years of work (at least!) ahead of you, that's plenty of time. Unless you're unhappy in some way, just go with it. There's nothing wrong with putting most/more energy into your family for a while.

JassyRadlett · 26/11/2022 21:45

For me, it was about neither of our jobs taking priority. I set my boundaries around work - when I was available and when not - but I made sure my work time was super productive, took on corporate tasks and did a lot out of hours. BUT DH and I did equal drop offs and pick ups, both did compressed hours, shared out the emergencies and sick days etc.

But the key was that I really wanted the advancement then. Mine are both in primary school now and Covid provided a chance to step back and reevaluate. I'm quite senior, though earning slightly less than pre-pandemic when I was in a more senior and high profile role. The extra £4K absolutely wasn't worth the stress and I completely recognise that I'm currently coasting. I'm probably overqualified and overskilled for my current role but it pays well, is flexible and I've consciously decided that, for the next few years at least, I'll stick in the easier but less lucrative and less shiny role for the sake of work life balance and being able to support my kids and their interests more. That may backfire in a few years and I won't get to gearshift again as I'm now mid-40s, but it's a risk I'm prepared to take.

I actually found it easier to go all-out work wise when they were younger, they need me in a different way now.