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6 replies

isntshelovely04 · 14/11/2022 12:56

Hey, just new to this. Part hoping to find some answers but another to know I am not alone - only so many tiktok videos will help. Recently became 40 and have been raising 2 children on my own. Their dad and I split due to his gambling addiction and other wider issues. I remarried but he had an affair before the wedding photography was even received so that gives you an indication as to how I went on a downward spiral I guess. In this spiral my older childrens father took his own life, and during this spiral I met a chap through work and fell pregnant. One disruptive relationship and a baby came from this. I adore my children but yet feel so alone in my journey. I do even know what I am meant to do. I have experienced extreme poverty, homelessness and most recently I am strugging with a sense of self. I also look after a family member who needs some care, that is very hard. I achieved my degree however unable to through myself into work as the childcare is too expensive and I am too tired most of the time. I guess I would love to hear from people who have been where I am been, or have any advice on how to handle a very busy life. My extended family did not support my choices with having a 3rd child so our relationship isn't strong enough to ask them for help. Any strong female out there who knows how to handle life? I'd appreciate your insight as to how you are super women

OP posts:
user2215 · 14/11/2022 21:42

It may be worth asking to get this moved to the Relationships thread.

You have all my empathy, it must be so hard. I think it sounds like you need to spend more time focusing on yourself and your kids and less time on the "noise" around you. It's a real shame that your family are being unsupportive of you. As for relationships, definitely take a break from that for a while as you need to rebuild yourself first otherwise you will run from one heartbreak to another, which does nothing for your self esteem.

Do you have any other family members or friends who can be a shoulder to lean on?

It's important to take things a step at a time, a day at a time. There IS light at the end of the tunnel. See if there are any local support groups, or even parent groups. You will be surprised to see how many other women are going through their own struggles too and would love someone to share with.

DeeofDenmark · 14/11/2022 21:54

How old are your children? I’m wondering if you could get into a routine with them having certain jobs so you don’t feel like it’s all on you. My 10 year old ds is quite happy to run the hoover round whilst we tidy for example.

isntshelovely04 · 15/11/2022 07:04

Thank you both for replying, appreciate it a lot. I feel bad for being selfish, and conditioned to just ‘deal’ with events of life. Adding to the misery I have a narcissistic mother so this does not help as I do not reflect well upon what she puts herself out there to be. I have a teenager and a youngster, as well as the baby. Teen does help sometimes but his development impacts our relationship too - very grumpy. There are some groups and it’s on the doorstep really. Diving my time is strategic though. I went back to uni try carve out more qualifications. All the children will have to rely on me, and I need to earn as much as I can… when I can. Baby is far too young right now. I do feel lost sometimes.

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coodawoodashooda · 15/11/2022 07:07

That sounds really hard op. Sometimes you just need to take it slowly. One hour at a time. Your GP might have a talking therapist. Someone like that might help you sort through things.

emptythelitterbox · 15/11/2022 07:17

What type of work do you do?

I'd distance myself from the narc mother as narcs are so draining.

Is the baby's father much help?

The relative you're caring for needs to find someone else to help them.

You have 3 DC to provide for and that needs to be your focus.

Stopping the caregiving and minimizing the narc should help you.

isntshelovely04 · 08/01/2023 20:54

Thank you for replies. Narc mother I’ve gave a width berth, only contact is through children. Also following birth of my youngest I entered into a relationship. I was offered a council house which I took, not the best area but it’s a home. New partner moved in, and now moving out. He cannot stand how I discipline my children, more or less discrediting me in my parenting. It’s hard to listen to… Constant critique. I’ve let my children down by embarking on this. He is leaving but still wants a relationship. My narcissist mother did say he’d leave me. This just does reinforce how I feel about myself. His actions point towards me not being good enough. Guilt and shame seem like my friends right now

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