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Off sick due to anxiety/bullying, not sure what to do.

7 replies

namechange3637 · 06/11/2022 19:01

I don't know where to start with this one, have obviously name changed and feeling rather fragile so please be nice. Apologies as I think this might be long.

I work in a local authority. City/district level council (south west England if relevant). I have been in my current role for under a year but have been in the authority for several years. Prior to this job I have had excellent evaluations including a commendation (internal staff award thing).

I have worked really hard since I joined and done what I think is a good job. For whatever reason, I have never fit into the team and have been on the outside from the start. There are four people in the structure above me (before management level).

Recently (probably last 4-5 months in particular) this has manifested in repeated complaints about my work to my manager. Some of the things said have been outright lies (such as my attitude to certain tasks being poor - not the case at all, I was given a piece of work to do that I completed immediately but was chastised for having no enthusiasm for it), and my daily tasks as part of the team have been described as slow or incomplete more than once (also not true).

Recently I have been asked why a regular piece of work wasn’t completed quickly when it was, but even so in the same week I was told to take my time in doing it. These are just a couple of examples.

When I was off sick due to D&V (thanks to my kids!) in September, lots of work didn’t get done and the same colleagues who have been complaining about my work admitted this was because I wasn’t around to do it. One thing in particular had a significant problem develop because it didn’t get done in time. Again, they freely admitted that they’d got behind because of my absence. You’d think this would make them recognise that actually I did work hard but apparently not. Within two days of being back from sick leave there were more moans about what I did and how I did it.

I have been bending over backwards to please these people but I have now realised it doesn’t matter what I do because it will never satisfy them. I don’t believe I can ever meet their standards because they are imo completely unreasonable and unobtainable (since some actually contradict each other). They are telling my manager I am not doing pieces of work that I am constantly working on. I do not report to them but they seem to think I should. I have a feeling I am being scapegoated because two of the four people above me have not been completing their work in a timely way and one is not easily contactable when working from home so I suspect is not actually working for a lot of the time. Focusing on me gives them a shield against criticism I think and has been easy to do because they act as one. It’s honestly like the mean girls gang.

I am currently off sick with stress and anxiety due to the above and can’t see any way I will ever be able to return to the role. I am on the verge of panic attacks just going into the office and my heart is pounding just thinking about work.

I am job hunting but frankly I have zero confidence left because of what’s happened. I am trying really hard to find something but obviously nothing is guaranteed.

Due to some time sensitive work projects, my team are going to be up shit creek if I don’t return or resign so they can recruit. They really need the role filled either by myself or someone else asap. Given that it’s local government, I don’t know how likely this is, but I want to offer to resign in return for my redundancy entitlement or six months pay (broadly the same figure). I honestly have no idea how good or bad an idea this is.

My manager has behaved sympathetically to me but I don’t know how much they trust my word on all this. I hid it for a long time. They have seen me crumple mentally to the point of crying in the office but only very recently.

I don’t really know what or why I’m asking tbh. I am just feeling quite low with it all. Any advice gratefully received.

OP posts:
namechange3637 · 06/11/2022 19:01

I apologise, that was longer than I thought. ☹️

OP posts:
Stephy1886 · 06/11/2022 23:11

This sounds heart breaking

I take it they all have similar traits? Or is there a ring leader, one who is the worst for it?

I’m just thinking if you leave what will happen to a new person?

why do you think you haven’t fitted in?
sometimes I can be like this, see a clique of people & not show an interest in fitting in

endofthelinefinally · 06/11/2022 23:25

I think you need to speak to your union rep before doing anything else. Make a clear and accurate record of everything that has happened, for your own use, not necessarily to share with anyone at this stage.
Something similar happened to a close friend several years ago, in the civil service. Her manager orchestrated a campaign of bullying that went on for over a year. Eventually she negotiated a redundancy package, but it was very tough and her health suffered.
You need to put your health first. The fact that their bullying behaviour has created difficulties with getting work done is not your problem. They can shuffle someone from another area if necessary.

namechange3637 · 06/11/2022 23:50

Thank you for the kind replies. 🙂

They are all broadly the same from what I can tell. It's difficult to see who is the ringleader but I think one is very smart and loading the gun with the others firing the bullets (so to speak). They come across as very nice face to face which is why I think I felt like I couldn't raise this before, it's very hard for me to get my manager to appreciate how much pressure their conduct has put me under.

I think I haven't fitted in because I'm not a loud personality who sells myself tbh (this seems to be a lauded quality in the team), I like to quietly get on with things and not sing my own praises. I'm not interested in that. I have some trauma in my past that makes me want to fly under the radar whereas they are all very confident and out there. I'm really just guessing though.

I have some close friends in other departments who have been upset to see the effect this has had on me but I don't think there is anyone in my department who would support me. If I was to raise a grievance officially it's hard to see how I would prove everything. They would band together and support each other.

I'm hoping the inconvenience of having me off sick given the big project coming up will make them support me in leaving. It would seem to be the easiest solution for everyone and would buy me some breathing space. I can't afford to leave with nothing to go to unless they 'settle' with me.

As for new people coming in, that's really hard for me. I have to hope they wouldn't do it to anyone else and perhaps me making my manager aware of all this will make them hyper aware to watch for any issues developing.

OP posts:
TodayIsMagic · 07/11/2022 13:50

Hi @namechange3637 so sorry to hear this has been happening. It sounds like nothing will drastically change, and your mental health is worth everything, so I would think of an exit strategy.

Personally I would remain signed off until you reach an eventual agreement. Be that leaving with a settlement to buy you some time before you consider a new job, or resigning without any additional £. What is crucial is your employer agrees to give you a reference should you need one in the future.

You could approach HR and say the relationship with your colleagues is untenable and you would like to enter talks of a settlement in exchange for an NDA and a reference? I think they would want 'hard evidence' of bullying if they were to sign off on 6 months pay for your departure though. Would this be the first HR are aware of what has been going on? I'm sure a HR/employment law professional will be along soon who can offer better counsel than me.

Could you have a (hopefully free) 30 min consultation with an employment solicitor to see what they think?

Good luck.

Furcoatandnoknickerz · 07/11/2022 14:16

Sorry for what your going through, I full empathy. I been there and bought the T-shirt more times than I like to remember. I would stay signed off as long as possible.
Sorry to say this, but I’m now long in the tooth and in my working life experience, once a bullying culture manifests its self, it never goes away unless literally everyone involved leaves! The chances of that of course a very low!

It did happen to me once! I was in a small team of 4, myself and 3 narcissist bitches, amazingly they all left within months of each , they weren’t replaced which left me running the small department on my own! It was fantastic, management had full faith in me and left me to get on with it, it was like being self employed. I had a whole year like this and then Covid closed down the service and that was that.

I can’t settle into another job as that’s the job I had and loved it, everywhere else seems to be full of narcissistic, micromanaging bullies.

trampoline123 · 07/11/2022 14:21

How horrible, sorry you are going through that.

I recently attended a harassment training and the lawyers advice was:

Contact and tell HR
Keep a track of everything, especially if you have it in writing/texts etc.

It sounds like bullying and you should fight it.

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