How do I tell my manager/friend, going through IVF I’m pregnant?

[Kaysee123]

This is a tough one, my manager who is a very good friend of mine also is currently going through her 7th round of IVF, she finds out if this round has worked in 3 days. I found out I was pregnant 3 weeks ago and me and my husband would like to keep quiet until the 12 weeks scan. Im currently 7 weeks pregnant so we only have 5 weeks to go. This is the problem, we are going out for a team dinner 2 days after she finds out if she is pregnant or not, if she isn’t pregnant she has already suggested that we go out for drinks beforehand and I’m usually quite a heavy drinker so she will expect me to drink a lot with her. I would never usually turn down a drink. I know she will also be annoyed at me for not telling her as she expects me to tell her absolutely everything. I will also have to lie to get out of work to see the midwife and have the scan. I have thought about telling her but because she’s been going through her IVF I didn’t think it was the right time and it won’t be if she finds out she isn’t pregnant either. What would you do?

Congratulations, would it be awful to feel unwell and miss the drinks?
Otherwise, I’d start with something acknowledging it will be difficult for her to hear but you needed (wouldn’t say delighted to say etc) to let her know you’re pregnant, but that you’d like it to be kept confidential until 12 weeks maybe do it before she finds out whilst she still has hope she is too. Someone said to us fine not telling everyone before 12 weeks but if the worst happened it’s no bad thing if those you’d lean on know too, so maybe your parents/boss - but others will see this differently, I’m sure.

Well you're going to have to tell her if the situation ends up that she will expect you to have a drink. In which case do it just you two and be really open and name what you've said here - I didn't say before because you were just about to find out your results and it didn't feel right. If she wants to feel that you are particularly open with her then stress that no one else knows and you aren't telling anyone else until 12 weeks

I’d do It now before she knows either way. It will be harder to do after, if she finds out she’s not pregnant, for her to have to deal with your news as well.

I would tell her now, sensitively by text so she can cry in private and not have to put on a brave face. You will have to tell her at some point and if it fails for her you don’t want to announce it between then and the meal, she will be devastated.
at least if you say now it will be tough but she has gone to process it before going out. There will never be a good time (I’ve been through ivf and it was a kick every time anyone made a pregnancy announcement).

Your options are either don't go to the drinks, or tell her now, but keep it simple, maybe a text "hi friend, just texting to let you know that I'm pregnant due on xxx. I'm still going to our night out, and looking forward to it, I just won't be drinking"

I don't see why OP has to miss a night out.

Your poor friend though. Fingers crossed she has good news.

Rip the plaster off and tell her.

I would do it now, I’ve been the friend going through IVF, by text, a friend of mine told me she was pregnant in person 2 days after I had unsuccessful attempt. She will have been pumped full of hormones, and if you tell her in person it’s likely she will break down if this attempt is unsuccessful, save her her dignity by not doing it in person, give her time to grieve for the baby she is not having at the moment. She will come round if you give her time. Good luck I’ve also been the pregnant friend having to deliver this news 💐

Send a text now

If she is a good friend she will be hurt by the lies as much as the news itself

Text her in advance of the meal to tell her. What else can you do? You can’t not tell her.

Definitely a text, congratulations x

Ditto what everyone else says, it will be painful either way but I think now by text will be much easier to bear than finding out after getting news that her 7th attempt hasn’t worked, should that be the outcome. The wording by CrabbitBastard is good, keep it as plain as possible.

This. After she's had a cry and got herself together again she will be happy for you, but if you stall or lie no matter how kindly meant she will feel ten times worse. Tell her now, before she finds out about her own possible baby either way. Congratulations!

Tell her you're taking metronidazole antibiotics, you absolutely mustn't drink alcohol when you take these

Don’t do that. Unless everyone at the table is a bit dim they’ll instantly know you’re pregnant.

I'd pretend to be ill and tell her a few weeks later.

Don't make an excuse - she will figure out from the dates (when you eventually tell her) that you would have been pregnant. And then she will be doubly upset.

I'd go with pp advice and tell her sensitively and by text, before the night out.