DP pressuring me to return to work

[lita2000]

Hi,

My DP is furious that I have resigned from work as they would not offer me the hours that I wanted to work if I were to return after my ML. It means we have to pay back some of the money and he is refusing to pay it back and says it's my responsibility.

I am pregnant again and I think this has made me very hormonal and reluctant to leave my DD in nursery. I can't bear the thought of leaving her, but DP thinks I'm being silly.

Am I being unreasonable? I think he is being cruel...

Did you not discuss it with him first before you resigned? If you didn't, I can see why he is angry.

Is this a serious post???
You resigned from your job without discussing it with your DP, because they wouldnt offer you what you wanted??
I'm not surprised he's furious and refusing to pay back the money! How would you feel if he came home tonight and told you he'd jacked his job in because he's a father now and doesnt want to work the hours he does!! FGS, relationships are supposed to be about two way communication and partnership. If this is how you communicate over issues as important as childcare, work and finance then god help you!

I did discuss it with him! We've been discussing it since November last year. He has only just reacted in this way - he was being really understanding up until now. I'm quite shocked that he has all of a sudden told me he is unhappy as I told him I was resigning two weeks ago and he didn't say anything about it!

Also, emloyers are obligated to offer flexible working hours for mothers returning to work. I negotiated with them and they insisted that my post was full time only - which I wasn't prepared to work as I didn't think this was very flexible...

No, employers are not obliged to offer flexible working for mothers returning to work! All parents (not just mothers) of children below a certain age are entitled to request flexible working, and there is a procedure which both employee and employer have to follow for this. They have to consider the request within a time frame and either agree or give clear reasons why they don't agree. So in short, nobody has a right to flexible working, and certainly not to the specific hours/days they happen to want. Sounds like a huge communication gap between you and your DP tbh.

Lita2000 if you think that employers are obligated to accomodate you then quite frankly we would rather you stayed at home and looked after your children.
Its bloody hard as it is to keep careers going as a working mother without women like you demanding flexibilty when clearly your employers are not able to give it to you. Their business does not revolve around you and its right for you to resign.

BUT

I am afraid to say that I agree with Alfiesbabe.........my husband would be furious if I did this. As he quite rightly says.........he would love to stay at home with the children looking after the house and pottering around. The bottom line is we can't both do it so its only fair that neither of us does.

Its a 2 way thing.........modern day life is a partnership and I have seen many of my contempories relationships crumble over issues like this. I would be sitting down for a serious talk about what you will be doing over the coming months to save money etc to prove that you may not be earning money but you will be making a massive contribution in a different way.

He isnt being cruel. He is being realistic.

Good Luck

Hmmm... I wouldn't exactly say I "potter around" all day, but whatever - to be honest my job as a PA was a lot less hard work than being a full time mother on many different levels.

Also, I feel that I do contribute to the household in a massive way - contributions to the household are not just financial.

To be honest, I was more suprised that he didn't tell me in November that he was adamant that he wanted me to return to work. I would have given it a lot more serious thought. I always said I wanted to give up work and he seemed fine with it...

Oh well. Thanks for your contributions.

lita2000, if you agreed together on your resignation and he is only now going mad about it, then he is being unreasonable. I don't think you deserve the vitriol from the likes of madameblackberry and others for leaving a job because your employer couldn't/wouldn't offer you flexible working hours. I did the very same.

How pregnant are you? Perhaps you could find something part-time, either now or after your second child is born?
If you are really hoping to be a stay at home mum, though, you need to work it out properly with your DP.

All the best.

'I don't think you deserve the vitriol from the likes of madameblackberry and others ' - erm, what others? If you refer to me (and I'm the only other person to post other than a one liner) then I really don't see where the vitriol is. I simply pointed out that it's a bit bizarre in this day and age to resign from a job without discussing properly with your other half, when you owe maternity allowance and are expecting them to pay it back for you!
And while I wouldnt express it exactly as madameblackberry does, she's absolutely right, the employer doesnt owe you a living. You can go back to your previous job (or an equivalent one if you've taken a year off) or try to negotiate a new contract, or resign. It's not the employer's duty to just do exactly what each employee would like.

Sorry.............re read my post and it was a bit harsh....didnt mean it to be. I am an employer and been mucked about so often by women who want to be paid but actually dont want to work.It is very frustrating.

The point is your DP obviuosly feels that a financial contribution is what he is expecting and that is why he has reacted the way he has.This is the issue you need to resolve. Make sure that you set out the rules now before too much discontent seeps in.

MB

Ieen searching and searching.I am a single parent.Work has given me the choice to lose my job if i take that week off so really supportive.I have found this such a stressful situation and ha have gone back to work after ten years.I am a teacher but my children have 3 wks off at easter.I have 2 wks off.Does anyone know of any holiday clubs in nottingham for 2 girls aged 8 and 1ve0 during 31 march to 4 april.?help appreciated

It's sometimes difficult for both partners to come to terms with the realities of parenthood. For example, my partner spent our entire second pregnancy promising I would not have to think about working again until both our kids started school, then one week before my mat leave started, he flipped out and ranted that I would need to 'get off my a* and get back to work'. He ended up apologising and saying that he could not get over the fact that we would loose 40% of our income if I didn't go back.

The fact is that communicating about such family issues can sometimes be very difficult, because they are so emotionally charged. As a result it can be difficult to communicate in logical and rational ways. Especially when neither of you want to face up to the fact that you both have fundamentally different priorities (e.g. one wants to SAH with the babies and the other is concerned about the finances).

I have tried to work on finding a compromise, e.g. a PT return to work, but I fear that he will win through with the cold hard financial reality argument! 'Tis the world we live in nowadays...