Don’t know what to do about returning to work after maternity

[Kiwiin]

I thought when I was pregnant I would want to go back full time but now DD is here, I don’t really want to. I’d like to do three long days a week instead so I have more of a balance. And also my partner doesn’t really help with housework and cooking, and I’m finding it hard enough doing it all without a full time job on top.

my partner though wants to go part time and look after DD, and is adamant I go back full time as he can get overtime and make up the money as he does shift work and he wants DD in nursery two days a week. Thing is if I go part time and she doesn’t go to nursery yet, and he changed his hours as he can compress it would work out the same financial loss.

but he says it’s his turn to look after her as I’m on maternity, yet he isn’t interested in doing baby stuff, he barely cleans and cooks and I’m just worried I’m going to take it all on but he’s not budging. Also my job is stressful and not one I can leave at work, whereas his is stressful too but once he finishes he's finishes if that makes sense.

not sure what is best or what to do.

If he isn’t pulling his weight just now then there is no chance he will step up when needed. Stick to your guns and do what’s best for you and your child.

I think it’s probably fair that he has an opportunity to be primary cater for your DD but with the expectation that he picks up an appropriate division of household labour along with it. It’s unacceptable that you are doing it all. Don’t wait until he reduces his hours before you tackle this. Tackle it now.

Can you look at doing shared parental leave so he can have the time at home with DD without formally going part-time?

The thing is he says he will do it but I just know he won’t. We’ve had constant discussions about him pulling his weight and he doesn’t.
when I have a break for a few hours he has left the place in a mess because he’s too busy looking after DD yet when I do it I manage to clean and cook still.
we can’t do any form of shared parental leave before I go back to work.

he also seems to think that looking after a baby is easy.

I’m feeling very stuck because he won’t compromise with me.

He doesn’t even come out with us as a family as he finds it boring now so I don’t know where this desire to be staying with the baby is about

Lazy and wants to work less, that's his game.

Leave him for a weekend with baby while you visit family. See how he feels after 50-60 hours of unrelieved infant care.

He thinks spending time with you and your baby "boring"?? What? That's really poor from him never mind all the stuff about not doing his fair share round the house.

I agree with leaving him with your DD for a long weekend and see what his reaction is. If he complains, then there's no way he would be up for doing more childcare and going part time to do it.

I am sorry to be so blunt, but he sounds lazy and selfish.

2pinkginsplease · Today 10:16

"If he isn’t pulling his weight just now then there is no chance he will step up when needed. Stick to your guns and do what’s best for you and your child."

This

Tell him you r gong part time and if he can step up n help out with coming cleaning not just all baby stuff then in 6 months time you will reconsider. Else no... its one thing to think you can look after a toddler is totally another actually doing it.