Left a job I love because of one colleague

[LouiseRuf13]

Hi,

I was wondering if anyone can advise or share their experiences please? I have handed my notice in for a job that I love. This is very much due to one colleague who was my senior, and the way that they treated me specifically. They are great at their job (from what I've seen in my 1 year there) and have positive relationships with other colleagues. They have a strong support network there, something that I was yet to build up. I worked hard and have previous experience in a similar role and had plenty of positive feedback from colleagues and seniors.

This one colleague would pick at everything I did. I went from being confident to having zero confidence in myself, my ability and judgements. They would make off the cuff remarks aimed at me that would make colleagues snigger. They would also look at me expressionless when I spoke and not respond. I felt like i was going crazy. In the meantime they would be warm and sociable with others. It has impacted my sleep, my parenting, my mental health as a whole.

I am torn between just walking away (I have been welcomed back to my old role with open arms) and letting this go or writing an honest letter to the manager about how I felt and why. I know that they are good friends with the staff member. Could this be a pointless exercise that could get me a reputation as being a pain in the industry?

Thank you so much in advance for any advice. It would also be nice to hear if anyone has experienced something similar.

Yes, I have known people like this. There was one occasion where one of them was rude to me, not realising a 'VIP' was in earshot. His flustered backtracking was very satisfying, but such moments are rare.

I honestly don't think sending the letter would achieve anything positive - it's a write it but don't send it letter. He'll have the manager in his fan club and it will only make you look bad. Just be glad you had an escape route.

AnApparitionQuipped I am glad you had someone in earshot! Especially a VIP. I think people like this need others to see their true colours.

Thank you. I am very lucky to have an escape route. I know that some people may not. I am definitely going to draft the letter...but somewhere that I can't accidently press send 😅

Can you send a letter to your Managers superior? I'm sorry this happened. I have also been bullied I am still recovering.

I mean if you have a solid escape plan and a job who would happily and CERTAINLY take you back then there’s nothing to lose by writing the letter and standing up for yourself! This person sounds demented, I don’t think I could just say nothing.

You should definitely keep a log of her behaviour, it sounds like bullying and possibly disciplinary offence. This happened to me, the person would giggle and titter with other staff and be aggressively rude to me. Bit of a psycho.

Is our horror colleague my old horror colleague, because they could be twins it sounds like. Anyway, I'd say draft the letter and on the final day of your notice, send it to the manager. Hope it all goes well!

I am sorry this happened to you.

I been bullied quite a few times in different job roles over the years. I come to realise that I was too nice, easy target because I look young for my age too. I am deaf & lack in confidence so people can abuse that. I didn't put complaint in but now I regret it. Plz do not let anyone get away with bullying u. It has effected my ability to go back to work & trust people again. A job offer might be coming up & this is what am dreading not that I will tolerate it again now am much older !

I was astonished to suffer from a colleague at work, constantly being foul to everyone including me. Nothing was done about it.
I took redundancy when on maternity leave.
Ruined my life chances, pension and everything really, but it was impossible to work there as it made me so miserable.
Rachel, that’s her name. Horrid creature.

Sounds horrific OP .
Personally I wouldn't stay there because I think it's very hard to come back from things like that with an individual and it sounds like he / she has the support of those around her .
I would draft and send a letter to the managers boss and HR simultaneously, keep it factual as to what's happened and why you are compelled to leave , no emotion of insults in there . The reason primarily is it will help you in writing it down but could stop this happening to someone else .
Good luck .

You could also look at being constructively dismissed if you've had to resign because of bullying that was never addressed by the employer . They do have a duty of care .

I personally would send a letter, not for yourself but for a paper trail incase this continues for others.

I would definitely write the letter to get it off your chest, and I see no harm in sending it, or even just asking for an exit interview so you can get all your thoughts off your chest.

I know how you feel though, and it's always a shame when one senior member completely ruins your job and you feel like you have no choice but to leave.

Obviously it won't achieve much right now, but getting it all off your chest could mean that the manager is aware of it and it will be less likely to happen to future recruits, and it also means you can leave without wishing you'd said something.