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Original poster

Is this Bullying?

23 replies

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 19:10

I work in an office with mainly younger people. I don't click with one of them as he's a gossip and has been promoted too quickly.

I had really bad IBS about 2 years ago when I worked in another office (same organisation). It's much better now but I am worried I might have to be referred for a colonoscopy due to some symptoms that could point to bowel cancer.

I think word has got around about me. This guy has made smelly comments and has nasty in jokes in front of me with other colleagues. I've tried to be nice to one of these colleagues and have helped them but they have joined in.

I went into the office last week and when I returned from lunch someone had sprayed round my desk with horrible air freshener. I don't think I was "smelly" on that occasion. It's making me paranoid.

I have worked really hard to get where I am and I don't feel I am recognised for my abilities at all.

I get so angry but as I have to work as a team I can't say anything. Do you think this is subtle bullying?

OP posts:

Pegasushaswings · 13/10/2022 19:12

OMG Yes, its absolutely bullying behaviour, you must report it. Sorry hes a total dickhead!

Wibbli · 13/10/2022 19:14

He sounds like an idiot. Go to your line manager and HR and report him. Keep a note of these incidents to help support your case.

AnElegantChaos · 13/10/2022 19:15

It's explicit not subtle bullying. Must be really difficult for you. Report it.

PeekabooAtTheZoo · 13/10/2022 19:15

Can you keep a log (don’t keep it at work and don’t write it at work) of the incidents including dates, times, who was involved and what exactly was said/done, to ultimately take to HR as evidence? Otherwise is it time for a new job?

Dillwyninthebath · 13/10/2022 19:19

Wow, what a knob he is and the rest.

Original poster

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 19:21

The thing is what if I really am smelly and he laughs it off and says yes but colleagues are complaining of working in an office with me. It's making me paranoid.

OP posts:

Oceans12 · 13/10/2022 19:30

You need to report this OP.

It's bullying, (not so subtle), harassment and just plain nasty.

Make an appointment with HR tomorrow to discuss this.

AdamRyan · 13/10/2022 19:32

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 19:21

The thing is what if I really am smelly and he laughs it off and says yes but colleagues are complaining of working in an office with me. It's making me paranoid.

If you were smelly either you would know yourself or a manager would have had a discreet word
Hes bullying you

Aeio · 13/10/2022 19:34

If you smell and don't realise, it's better you know. As difficult as that would be for you. Sorry you're going through this. X

Smartstuffed · 13/10/2022 19:34

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 19:21

The thing is what if I really am smelly and he laughs it off and says yes but colleagues are complaining of working in an office with me. It's making me paranoid.

Well anyone with an iota of common decency wouldn't treat you like they have if there were an issue.

This is out and out bullying.

Idontdoyoga · 13/10/2022 19:35

This definitely is bullying. (I have the cap & tee shirt! )

The responses here are wise & helpful.
You are not smelly, it’s just the morons you work with behaving badly in the extreme.

Go to your line manager & report this. If they do nothing, take it higher.

Bullying takes many forms and this is it!
Buy a cheap exercise book and keep a journal; state the facts, dates & times, about any event and then in a separate paragraph, How It made You Feel because that is the crux.
Do it! Do it today!

Dillwyninthebath · 13/10/2022 19:42

So if you smelt due to a medical condition you deserve to be bullied, no you don't and I doubt you do, he sounds like a dickhead.

Irridescantshimmmer · 13/10/2022 19:55

Thats HORRENDOUS.

See the harassment policy, contact HR immediatly, you are covered by by the Equality Act 2010 and remind HR of this too so the immature excuse for a male colleague needs to be dealt with asap.

Also, I strongly advise you to keep a log of EVERY incident include as much graphic detail as possible and denand that they are dealt with.

Also, remember that IBS is triggered by stress so if you have had any recent flare ups, the cause could be the harrassment you have recieved due to the actions of the imbecile colleague.

Original poster

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 20:05

Yes, working in an office makes me worse. The thing is if I report him where do I work? It will make things even worse

OP posts:

Dillwyninthebath · 13/10/2022 20:09

It won't make it worse if you go to HR, you are covered by the Equality Act 2010 as the poster above said. He is bullying you.

I understand the worry, can you talk to anyone at work, any managers or colleagues in other depts that you are close to and trust just for advice and support?

SliceOfCakeCupOfTea · 13/10/2022 20:13

It really shouldn't make things worse. If he is pulled for being a bully, he'll have to stop the behaviour and/face disciplinary. If he stops, others will stop. As people find out he has been a bully, they'll move away from him. At work, no one wants to be tarred with that brush.
You just need to be confident that you do a good job.

You could also call him out on his nasty behaviour but you'd need to be incredibly confident to do that.

Original poster

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 20:26

He's not lined managed properly and has made himself indispensable. He's into all sorts of things so I think the managers need his help.

OP posts:

AnElegantChaos · 13/10/2022 20:33

Are you in a union? If not, give ACAS a phone, they will offer you really good advice on how to approach the issue with HR. I haven't used them but I know a lot of people who have and they are meant to be excellent. Just tell them everything, including your fears about how it won't be dealt with because he's made himself indispensable to managers (this is very common with bullies FWIW).

Original poster

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 21:34

Thanks, that's good advice. I will give them a ring.

I've seen this kind of behaviour in another workplace.

OP posts:

Original poster

banannacustard · 13/10/2022 21:35

I should add that in the other workplace the bully was just demeaning.

OP posts:

Dillwyninthebath · 14/10/2022 09:22

Well if he is not line managed and into all sorts then that changes my advice a bit, it all sounds a bit toxic then. What are his managers like?

CrabbitBastard · 14/10/2022 15:36

Its not just bullying, its disability discrimination. (I say that as someone who is disabled and gives disability awareness training).

Under the Equality Act 2010, to meet the definition of disability, you must have a condition that has lasted 12m, likely to last 12m, or rest of your life if under 12m. If you are experiencing pain or discomfort and need regular toilet breaks, medication, doctors appointments to be asssessed for bowel cancer - then all of that are things that affect your day to day life and meet the definition.

You MUST go to HR and put both bullying and disabilty discrimination in your email or letter. You should also request reasonable adjustments for disabilty so there is a record of them being told. Adjustments can be regular breaks, time off for appointments, anything - dont worry about specifics yet, just make a point of asking and highlighting discrimination.

Start keeping a diary of incidences, even things that happened in the past, dates/times/location/who said what/who was present as a witness.

Join a union, even if your employer doesn't recognise one and ask them for help.

Remember you have 3 months minus one day to claim discrimination. Give HR a week to respond and if they dont, or its not satisfactory, get onto ACAS to make a claim. F*ck them. Don't let them wriggle out of this. I speak from experience.

Original poster

banannacustard · 14/10/2022 17:48

I think his line managers think he is super helpful. They are glad he is taking on lots of different things. In my experience people like that just get told off, they don't get fired because they have made themselves so knowledgeable.

OP posts:

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