Hi, I apologise in advance for the long post but I really need help. So I have two children, aged 8 and nearly 5. When my eldest was born, I decided with DH to stay at home as childcare was too expensive and we have no family nearby for support. Now my youngest is (finally) in P1, I want to get my life back on track. I started a childcare course, currently waiting on the police check so I can start my work experience in my kids’ school. While that’s happening, I started working as a lunchtime supervisor in the same school. Everybody has been really nice. The trouble is with me, while I stayed at home I’ve kind of become a recluse. Don’t have many friends, family is far, don’t go out much, I am also an introvert with (now) social anxiety and tend to get depressed if I don’t rest properly. People keep introducing themselves (not sure if it’s normal but I think I only remember a couple of names from all the people I’ve met so far), asking how I am doing and I tend to brush them off and keep working because I am not sure what to do. Stop for a chat, or keep working? What do I chat about? What if I do stop and chat? Will they think I am lazy? What will they say if I never chat to anyone?I am getting so anxious just thinking about it.
And then looking after the kids at school, telling them to sit in their seats etc. I am not local and I have been laughed at and humiliated before when I told teenagers what to do (in a work setting, they were summer employees, I had been there years). You’ll probably say I need to be more confident but after so many years of being just mommy I feel like nothing when I leave my home. So how does someone like me start to feel like a person again? What do I do to ‘re-enter’ society? I feel like I don’t know how to be around people any more, what to say, how to act. Not sure if anyone else is feeling like this but I know I just feel so alone.