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Original poster

Imposter syndrome / how do you stop overthinking and doubting yourself at work?

28 replies

MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 13:33

Does anyone have any tips on how to stop overthinking at work & doubting yourself ? Perhaps it’s imposter syndrome, I don’t know. I have nearly 20 years of experience in my field but still find myself doubting my ability, thinking i’m not good enough, panicking if I think I have made even the tiniest of mistakes, and pretty much constantly overthinking… (e.g is this the right job for me ? Is it all about to go wrong ? Should I quit ? Am I actually not every good at this ? Do people at work think I am no good? ) even though I have generally never had any negative feedback. It is exhausting and I wish I could just coast a bit , and not let things get to me. Am in my 40s and really don’t feel as ambitious or driven as I used to, so would like to find that middle ground of being content / settled at work , and not feel like a fish out of water all the time.

OP posts:
Wherewassteve · 11/10/2022 13:40

When I've felt like this it can be the case that I'm seeking too much validation via work performance and work life op.

Wherewassteve · 11/10/2022 13:40

Sorry hit post too soon, are all of your appraisals okay, any concerns, is there any evidence that you are not enough?

DoubleHelix79 · 11/10/2022 13:44

No magic solution but I've learned to live with my impostor syndrome, and largely ignore that voice in my head. I treat it as an annoying passenger in my brain that occasionally pipes up with unhelpful comments.

I also remind myself that I work with very competent people who would not have chosen to work with me (at least not long) if I was really as incompetent as I sometimes feel.

I'm in my 40 too, by the way.

Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 18:09

Wherewassteve · 11/10/2022 13:40

Sorry hit post too soon, are all of your appraisals okay, any concerns, is there any evidence that you are not enough?

No not in any of my previous roles, and I have only just started my latest job , but no concerns from my manager so far . I think it’s all in my head and that I take things to heart too much but also trying to be good at what I do and do my best when maybe mediocre is actually okay and I could aim for that instead ? Thanks for the point re validation - I think you’re right and I should try not to seek it so much.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 18:11

DoubleHelix79 · 11/10/2022 13:44

No magic solution but I've learned to live with my impostor syndrome, and largely ignore that voice in my head. I treat it as an annoying passenger in my brain that occasionally pipes up with unhelpful comments.

I also remind myself that I work with very competent people who would not have chosen to work with me (at least not long) if I was really as incompetent as I sometimes feel.

I'm in my 40 too, by the way.

Thanks, I really need to do this. I just don’t know how to ignore that voice or those thoughts that pipe up! How do you counteract those thoughts @DoubleHelix79 ?

OP posts:
FuglyBitch · 11/10/2022 18:20

The way I deal with it is my documenting all my wins and reasons why I’m doing great, no matter how small. That means I’m actually doing the role ok and getting better and learning all the time.
I have also tried to lower standards, perfectionism will only suck your time and mental space and stop development and make it harder to accepts outcomes that are just OK.
Finally, try and find people with whom you can share how you are feeling. I’ve found that most other people feel similar and it makes it easier when you open up and show your vulnerabilities, it makes it easier for people to accept mistakes and not needing to perfect all the time

Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 18:23

FuglyBitch · 11/10/2022 18:20

The way I deal with it is my documenting all my wins and reasons why I’m doing great, no matter how small. That means I’m actually doing the role ok and getting better and learning all the time.
I have also tried to lower standards, perfectionism will only suck your time and mental space and stop development and make it harder to accepts outcomes that are just OK.
Finally, try and find people with whom you can share how you are feeling. I’ve found that most other people feel similar and it makes it easier when you open up and show your vulnerabilities, it makes it easier for people to accept mistakes and not needing to perfect all the time

Thanks so much for this @FuglyBitch it is great advice and exactly what I was I was looking for . I think I need to repeat it like a mantra to myself every day 😂

OP posts:
Sunshinegirl82 · 11/10/2022 18:57

I have always struggled with this, I live in fear of making a mistake! This is despite being objectively very competent at my job and regularly receiving positive feedback.

A female senior leader at my work who I really respect is really open about her own "imposter syndrome" feelings and concerns which has really helped me. If she worries about it (and she's great, really successful) then maybe the way I feel isn't that unusual if that makes sense.

I also try to to actually think my concerns through logically. What am I actually worried about? If I did make a mistake what would that look like? I remind myself that everyone will make occasional errors and that actually most are pretty easy to fix. How would I react to a colleague who made a mistake? I find this helps me to sort of talk myself down!

GoodVibesHere · 11/10/2022 20:24

I am.the same OP, and for me I thinknit stems from an underlying fear of people who are 'in authority'.

Wherewassteve · 11/10/2022 20:33

@GoodVibesHere That’s a good point, I’ve often thought that might be one of the aspects for me in feeling like op.

PauliesWalnuts · 11/10/2022 20:38

This is really useful. I noticed a job role that’s come up in another organisation and I can do absolutely everything in the job description. I’ve not done it all together in previous roles but I can tick off every box. Was going to go for it and then I noticed the grade and salary - I’d get a 30% pay rise if I got the job. Immediately I’m telling myself I’m not good enough, not enough knowledge or experience, where my boyfriend is practically screaming at me that “you can do everything on the list!!!” and I need to go for it.

Imposter syndrome sucks. I blame perimenopause - that’s sucked every ounce of confidence out of me as I’ve got older. But I’ve read this thread and I’m going to put an application in.

StandUpStraight · 11/10/2022 20:40

This is me too, OP. It has been so bad in the past that I have regularly come downstairs at 3am to open up old work, looking for mistakes. Or I’ll suddenly think - oh my god, did I [insert made up mistake here] and have to go and check that instant. I’ve ruined numerous holidays by panicking over invented errors or ruminating over tiny real ones. I’ve managed to get it more under control by understanding (a) why I do it (never good enough for parents, always judged by academic performance) and (b) that no amount of seeking reassurance will help - in fact, it will just make it worse because the brain likes to be helpful by saying, oh, I understand we like to think of mistakes we might have made - let me help you with that.

StandUpStraight · 11/10/2022 20:43

@PauliesWalnuts so interesting that it was the increased salary that sent you into imposter mode. An “I don’t deserve it” mentality I think a lot of women can relate to. And yes, perimenopause definitely makes it worse.

Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 20:56

PauliesWalnuts · 11/10/2022 20:38

This is really useful. I noticed a job role that’s come up in another organisation and I can do absolutely everything in the job description. I’ve not done it all together in previous roles but I can tick off every box. Was going to go for it and then I noticed the grade and salary - I’d get a 30% pay rise if I got the job. Immediately I’m telling myself I’m not good enough, not enough knowledge or experience, where my boyfriend is practically screaming at me that “you can do everything on the list!!!” and I need to go for it.

Imposter syndrome sucks. I blame perimenopause - that’s sucked every ounce of confidence out of me as I’ve got older. But I’ve read this thread and I’m going to put an application in.

Go for it! Glad you found the thread useful. Let us know what happens ! Interesting about perimenopause. I do feel it’s got a lot worse in the last couple of years , since turning 40 ….

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 11/10/2022 21:01

@Sunshinegirl82 really useful tips, thank you.

@GoodVibesHere interesting, i definitely feel it more in relation to authority figures rather than peers.

@StandUpStraight Same - it could well be related to academic performance and that being what defined me when I was younger. But I have never connected the two until now. Gosh I think you have hit on something there , thanks for the insight 🙂

OP posts:
TheRealKatnissEverdeen · 11/10/2022 21:13

I'm day two into a big new role and I started doubting myself about a week before I started (the onboarding process was months due to the role requirements). I'm here as I type this researching papers, YouTube and old work docs trying to sap up extra knowledge now.
I think part nervousness (not the right word so maybe swap out with opposite of cocky lol) is ok as it means you care and take pride in what you're doing and want to be good. All employers value that.
Most people in the position of recruiting are savvy and know what to look for especially if conducting competency based interviews as well as cultural fit. It costs time and money to get it wrong so believe in them and what they see in you!

All the best.

Whitegrenache · 16/10/2022 08:20

Wow I started a new more senior role 4 weeks ago and had a massive crisis of confidence last week. I confided in a senior leader who was lovely and told me to speak to Someone else in the business (a man) who also suffers and is amazing- I'm now worried She is going to hold It against me Confused

SheWoreYellow · 16/10/2022 08:23

Quite normal to feel like this in a new job. How long have you been there?

Whitegrenache · 16/10/2022 08:38

4 weeks

doobedooboom · 16/10/2022 09:29

We need a support group for this. To the outside world I am very successful. I have never received real criticism in any job I have had. Every day I feel one phone call away from being fired and our family ending up homeless. It's exhausting.

Selok · 17/10/2022 22:37

I definitely have the imposter syndrome. There is a short session on linkedin learning, it is free- search for 'imposter syndrome'. I never had any issues with my work totally the opposite wherever I go, I have always been praised by my dedication to my work and quality of my work etc but I still question myself constantly and tell my DH or to myself that I have been tricking people I don't know how they fall for it every time but I feel like I am tricking them that I am great but in reality to me I suck- as I said there is no evidence to support this feeling but I can't help it

lljkk · 17/10/2022 22:51

You know you're being very irrational, OP. So why do you do it... do you feel guilty if you don't fret?

Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 17/10/2022 23:00

I really don’t know why I think like this. Massive fear of failure maybe? Which maybe links to a PP comment about academic success. I am very rational in most other areas of my life. Just feels like at work you are being judged more.

OP posts:
Original poster
MrsTeaShore · 17/10/2022 23:03

Selok · 17/10/2022 22:37

I definitely have the imposter syndrome. There is a short session on linkedin learning, it is free- search for 'imposter syndrome'. I never had any issues with my work totally the opposite wherever I go, I have always been praised by my dedication to my work and quality of my work etc but I still question myself constantly and tell my DH or to myself that I have been tricking people I don't know how they fall for it every time but I feel like I am tricking them that I am great but in reality to me I suck- as I said there is no evidence to support this feeling but I can't help it

I get you. I feel like this sometimes. Like any day you might be found out! It is so irrational but hard to just eradicate that feeling.

OP posts:
Selok · 17/10/2022 23:10

@MrsTeaShore my DH says to me ok say you tricked one company, and the next one and so, are they all so naive and stupid to fall for it all the time? He says 'you must be at least doing something right' - he is right, I always remember this and makes me feel better. Also I think this might be coming from trying to be perfect all the time, don't know!