Nervous going into the office, as a hybrid employee

[nervousoffice]

My company is hybrid with no mandate about how often we should go into the office. I get quite anxious going into the office, it's hard to make myself go when faced with a 1.5 hour commute there, a 6am start and a day of anxiety when I can work from home if I want to. I do try and go once a week, but I get quite anxious and a few times I find myself holding back tears when on the train home as I feel so overwhelmed afterwards.

My line manager is great and reminds me that there is no pressure from them on going into the office which helps. However, the senior leadership team obviously want people in regularly. I tend to go in on Wednesdays as there are a few of my colleagues in that day, but the office is still quite quiet.

On Thursday this week there's lots taking place in-person that I will probably be expected to go into the office for. We have a big company-wide meeting (100+ people) that is a hybrid meeting but they want people to come in if possible. I also have a team lunch, including with some colleagues I've not met in person before. Then finally we have a big departmental training session (hybrid), which will be interactive and is being run by my manager's manager (who recently had a conversation with me that, reading between the lines, seemed to imply that he would like me to go into the office more often/attend work socials etc.)

All of this together on one day feels completely overwhelming to me. My line manager is away on a work trip this week so I can't ask for their advice/check whether I can just work from home that day. I know I need to make the effort to be in the office more and attend these in-person meetings/socials.

Does anyone have any advice?

Can you contact one of your colleagues and check in when they're going to be there etc? Just talking to someone else will normalise it all a bit more in your mind. Do you like your job and want to stay there? If so, I think you do have to play the game a bit and show up for these kinds of events (assuming you're not due to retire shortly. Then I'd just do what works best for you). You have an enviously flexible hybrid policy so I'd just try to remind myself of that.

I’m not sure I understand what makes you anxious about going into the office but a good idea to check with a colleague you’re friendly with that they’re going to be there so you have someone familiar to sit with and chat to. But also perhaps try to be a bit more pragmatic about it all - you’re an adult, this is your job, it’s not actually (in the grand scheme of things) that onerous to spend one day attending meetings and eating lunch in the company of other people.

Working from home would be my nightmare but it seems to suit you and you have quite a cushy arrangement right now. I think you can manage to fake it till you make it for those days they want you to go in.

We are meant to be in at least once a week, and managers assign which day(s) to teams. In practice, he doesn't care, unless we have external or overseas visitors - our team is (and always has been,) global, so it's incredibly rare for is all to be together, and we always worked with video calls etc.

But - we did have an in person town hall last week, because someone was over from the USA. So lots of people were in, and it was good to see them (some I'd not seen in person since before covid,) but the chatter in the conference room before it started all this mass of people talking at the same time, that was the bit which totally freaked me out, because I'm just not used to it any more. (Having said that, I remember a couple if pre-covid conferences where I had to escape by myself where there breaks.) I survived, though.

If you can, I should think it would be politic to be in on Thursday. It does sound overwhelming,but I think you need to grit your teeth and get through it, taking breaks out in fresh air when you can.

Would it actually be easier for you to go in if you were given a definite "come this day" rule to follow most of the time? I recall, when i was a student (healthcare related), we were supposed to spend time on the wards talking to patients etc, separately to organised tutorials. Sometimes I found that agonising, have too many memories of getting to the entrance of the ward and turning around again. When it was a specific thing it was usually ok.

How on earth did you manage going to work before the pandemic?!

You need to go into the office. The problem with permanent WFH is it makes it harder to face the minor battles of getting into the office, which pre-pandemic we just did as a matter of course.
mid your overarching manager is making noises that you should be more present then you need to do it or risk being permanently sidelined

Before COVID I was at university which I was fine with. I've been struggling with my mental health a lot this year, and have had some time off because of it. Going into the office is something I do struggle with a lot, as it seems to just push me over the edge. I don't really know why I get nervous there but I do, I think it's being around lots of colleagues in a big open-plan office, feeling out of place and the commute in.

Hey OP I am the same Before Covid, going in to the office was routine, normal, an everyday part of life and the same faces every day. But since covid, going in feels like a 'big thing' to me. The getting ready, the commute, the not knowing who'll be there and who won't. The chat, the noise, yet other times there's nobody there at all (!), the lack of home comforts.

I haven't really been told in clear terms how often I'm meant to go in, they've hinted at two days a week but not said clearly, and no specified days. Not many people seem to do two days, it all seems random. This 'uncertainty' makes it even harder in some ways. I wake up, can't face going in, and know that I might not speak to a soul if I do go in so I think 'what's the point' and then I put off going.

I think my place of work has struggled to put clear rules in place.

Look for a job closer to home.

Also look for a job at a small company where you can walk or cycle to work. It will make a huge difference.

We have specific days for specific teams which it works well. We are mandated to do 40% so 2 days for most. Some can do 3 and take a late lunch to do the school run and log back on at home.

Have you always lived so far away from your office? Some of our staff were nervous about returning before the pandemic but majority are back regularly now. Stick to the same day but if there are events you will be expected to go in. Try and establish what’s making you nervous, and then take steps to tackle it.

I know a lot of people who push themselves out of comfort zones because they don't want their lives to be limited. Who can see value in embracing the challenge. Very shy people who learnt to speak well in public. Aren't a lot of actors naturally very shy, come to think of it. Very sport inept people who enter races just to maintain the satisfaction that they "can" do it (even if they finish last). Very unartistic people who go to art classes, mechanically declined people who learn to fix stuff (sort of), people who can't sing who join choirs (have a good laugh & enjoy the challenge and occasional not terrible sounds they produce).

I suppose I'm suggesting "Feel the Fear and do it anyway" because you might be very glad you did. That you refused to let your life be limited by an unhelpful inclination.