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Original poster

I may have a health condition but don’t want to tell my boss

38 replies

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 11:30

Hi, so as the title suggests I am currently waiting on my imminent referral for a condition called PCOS. I am new here too.

As many sufferers of the condition will know it affects people in lots of different ways. For me, it causes excess hair in certain areas, dark patches on my skin, thin hair, infrequent periods. Above all I have an issue with my weight despite exercising by either doing aqua fit or swimming up to 4 hours a week and eating well.

I have had a long battle with trying to get to this stage because the GP didn’t want to give me a blood test and blamed my lack of diet and exercise. As you know now this isn’t true

OP posts:

Quitelikeit · 04/10/2022 11:33

I don’t think you need to disclose anything.

some GPs prescribe treatment for insulin resistance now for PCOS

metformin I think is the name. It’s helped others with weight loss

BalmyBalmes · 04/10/2022 11:36

You're not obliged to tell your boss anything about your health.

I'm not sure what your issue with your work is though. Is your condition affecting your work in some way?

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 11:38

Thank you sorry there was more. It posted itself.

So the further information is that I had blood tests and waited ages earlier in the year for a referral for the condition. I have now received said referral.

I am just extremely concerned because my boss was very annoyed earlier when I had frequent treatment for another condition.

My boss is also a very old, traditional conservative man. He is obsessed with money, and I do not want to tell him about my condition whatsoever, but he is going to kick off about my referral, so I don’t know what to do.

OP posts:

beonmywaythen · 04/10/2022 11:39

Why should it affect your work?

Also look into diet to control insulin resistance (it's called glycemic index diet). It helped me massively, and metformin too. I hope you feel better soon.

beonmywaythen · 04/10/2022 11:40

F*ck him. You don't have to explain anything. And look for another job with a better boss.

BalmyBalmes · 04/10/2022 11:41

Do you mean you had a lot of time off for treatment for another condition OP? Are you worried he won't give you time off work for medical appointments?

I would imagine diagnosis of PCOS would mean a couple of appointments for investigations but any prescribed treatment would be taken at home.

Regularsizedrudy · 04/10/2022 11:44

Is there a HR at work. You could disclose to them and ask he not be made aware of details just that you have a condition and may need time for apps etc

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 11:44

Thank you for your early responses.

I am very concerned, because he has said some pretty unreasonable things in the past not just to me but my colleagues. He thinks he means well but he does not m.

I know he is going to want to know about my condition, but I do not want to tell him by any means. I could probably prove it all, but at the same time I just think all this is very intimate.

Don’t think I am being sexist here because I’m sure there are lots of men who would understand, but I know he is not subtle.

As PCOS affects my ovaries, my periods and my weight, and appearance these four things are the last things I want to talk to my boss about but generally he’s going to want to know. I do not know what to do.

OP posts:

Hugasauras · 04/10/2022 11:46

Why does he need to know at all? Plenty of people have PCOS and it doesn't sound like your symptoms, unpleasant as they are, affect your work in any way?

Hugasauras · 04/10/2022 11:48

Posted too soon. It's not a condition I would think about disclosing to work unless it was affecting my work in some way, and I imagine plenty of people have PCOS but haven't told work because it's not particularly relevant.

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2022 11:50

I can't imagine you'll need more than one or two appointments to confirm the diagnosis and you can probably just be vague about what they're for. There's no reason why he should know otherwise though. I have lots of chronic conditions (and borderline PCOS) and have never told my boss as they don't impact my ability to do my job at all other than the occasional hospital appointment.

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 11:50

No they don’t. The only time they do is when I am on my own at work. (There are only two of us who work from the office that are full time) If I am alone, I tend to run up and down stairs all day answering the door and taking calls, that is the only time it affects me. I suppose it would anyone, I just don’t have the energy for that.

The problem I have is he’s going to ask why I am not in the office or he is going to want to know about my referral. But once he knows that he’s going to want more details and be very unreasonable, he has already been unreasonable for previous things.

OP posts:

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 12:00

BalmyBalmes · 04/10/2022 11:41

Do you mean you had a lot of time off for treatment for another condition OP? Are you worried he won't give you time off work for medical appointments?

I would imagine diagnosis of PCOS would mean a couple of appointments for investigations but any prescribed treatment would be taken at home.

Thanks for your reply. I am very sure that he would be unhappy for me to take time off without a reasonable explanation. He has done it before and it’s very uncomfortable, expecially now these issues are very intimate.

there is a lot of stigma around PCOS, and I don’t want a middle aged unpleasant man asking too many questions like he will. But I don’t want a situation where he’s staying that it’s not good enough and not let me go. I work with all women in my office and they all know my condition to some effect, I’m not afraid to talk about it in some ways to them because they are all very responsible and reasonable women, but him No!

We don’t have an HR department, too small for that just a boss above me then him.

OP posts:

BalmyBalmes · 04/10/2022 12:02

He has no right to know personal details about a hospital appointment. If he ask you say it's your private medical history which you do not share with people. There are literally millions of women at work with various gynae or reproductive conditions which no-one at their work knows about!

You either tell him you have a hospital appointment, show him your appointment letter for scan or whatever if he insists on proof as it won't say on it what it's for.
Or you take annual leave, TOIL or whatever.

Just shut down any further questions quickly by saying you don't share your private medical information with anyone

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 12:04

Thanks for the advice everyone. I know this is his way of not wanting to pay me.

i am still very new to PCOS and it’s treatment.

My biggest concern is my weight, and I know it’s personal, but has anyone seen big changes after treatment. Like I said I am swimming and eating right, but results are extremely limited and disheartening.

OP posts:

Crazycrazylady · 04/10/2022 12:05

Honestly op
You're massively overthinking this. Many many people have pcos and it shouldn't affect your work at all. It's also unlikely that you will need multiple appointments or time off ?

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 12:06

Crazycrazylady · 04/10/2022 12:05

Honestly op
You're massively overthinking this. Many many people have pcos and it shouldn't affect your work at all. It's also unlikely that you will need multiple appointments or time off ?

I’m trying not to overthink this at all. I just know my boss isn’t very nice and demands full explanations I do not want to give, but I will be disciplined if I don’t.

OP posts:

OurChristmasMiracle · 04/10/2022 12:08

I would inform him that you have been referred for investigation in regards to issues relating to womens health. Any further questions I would answer with “I won’t know until they have investigated further”

I also have PCOS and the biggest thing for me to lose weight was eliminating sugar and filling myself up on fruit and veg as well as regular exercise.

Quitelikeit · 04/10/2022 12:10

if you have a hospital appointment you just tell him that. If he asks why you can tell him it’s for investigations. Then move swiftly on from the convo

also look for a new job!!!

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 12:13

OurChristmasMiracle · 04/10/2022 12:08

I also have PCOS and the biggest thing for me to lose weight was eliminating sugar and filling myself up on fruit and veg as well as regular exercise.

Thank you for this. I’m still very young and it’s very new to me. I’m not the most out there person due to confidence issues. Women’s health issues make me feel even less confident with myself.

thanks for the advice about fruits and veg. like I say I swim or do aqua fit for around 3-4 hours per week. I try to eat well, I’ve largely given up crisps and chocolate, but do allow them once a week. I have also given up sugary fizzy drinks and opted for a mix of sparking water with added flavours from fruits.

OP posts:

HappyHamsters · 04/10/2022 12:14

Why would you be disciplined for not discussing your health with your boss, if he gets funny just tell him its womens problems which will shut him up. Do you have an hr or occy health dept.

BalmyBalmes · 04/10/2022 12:18

It's very unlikely that this is going to need more than 1 or 2 appointments to diagnose this.

If you feel uncomfortable about disclosing you have a hospital appointment could you just take annual leave? Are you allowed to take a half days leave, or a full day?

My DH has a condition that means twice a year hospital appointments. He doesn't want any questions asked (although no-one would ask really) so he just books half day annual leave and doesn't have to worry about rushing back to work and does some shopping afterwards as he's in the city centre anyway

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2022 12:20

In my experience, as soon as you mention the word 'gynaecology' to a boss like you describe, they get quite flustered and can't wait to end the conversation

Original poster

Absolutegeek97 · 04/10/2022 12:27

mynameiscalypso · 04/10/2022 12:20

In my experience, as soon as you mention the word 'gynaecology' to a boss like you describe, they get quite flustered and can't wait to end the conversation

Haha. Yes. Like I say he is a very conservative man, and because these issues are so intimate even for me, it’s hard. It’s all very new and unknown. I have never ever had referrals before, I barely go to a doctor because I just do not get sick.

i know what he is like and because he kicked off before even though that was different is why I am so worried now.

I also have abit of an issue with hospitals since covid as my dad died. I’m not afraid of covid, just hospitals give me the creeps and have created this mental image in my head.

OP posts:

pinkberet · 04/10/2022 12:28

I've had PCOS for years and have only today learned there is apparently a stigma about it

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