Career in counselling/therapy - later life

[Corilee2806]

Hi all, not sure if this is the right place to post but looking for advice about whether my plan will get me to where I want to be. I’m 37, have two young children and think my purpose in life is to support mums through the perinatal period and early years of motherhood.

I think I’d ideally do this through offering one to one support - counselling or therapy, but also have some ideas about bigger support programmes based on gaps I feel currently exist. I’ve been on my own PND journey and feel I’ve learned a lot from this and have a lot to offer.

My background - I have a 2:1 BSc Psychology and currently a civil servant so don’t have much directly relevant experience (although transferable skills in strategy, policy and comms which I figure may help with my bigger picture idea) but looking at volunteering. I can start saving up a bit for the course I might want to do - something around Counselling Psychology, but I know it’s really expensive and I’d need to keep working part time to finance it. I have a one and three year old so thinking I’d need to start this in 2025 when my youngest starts school, when I’d be 40, then think it’s about 3 years of studying.

I don’t think I’m too old as even in my early 40s I’d still have well over 20 years of working left and I really want to do what I’m passionate about, but I’d welcome advice from anyone in the field - is this a realistic plan? What else should I be thinking about?

grateful for any words of wisdom!

Just bumping to see if anyone can help!

Hi OP, I’ve just name changed as I’ve never mentioned my career on MN and don’t want anyone IRL to recognise me. I’m a therapist, but I’m in Ireland so not everything I say may be relevant to the UK.

I qualified about 5 years ago when I was 30. I started training when I was 24 and did a 4-year course and then a 2-year masters. I have previously worked in an organisation, but like you I have two toddlers so I find private practice is much easier and more flexible for my needs (I do miss the sick/holiday pay and pension contributions from the organisation, however).

Your plan sounds good. Because of my age and particular areas of expertise, I attract a lot of clients of similar age to myself - and many of them have birth trauma, PND / post natal anxiety, parental stress etc. Also I seem to work with a lot of women who have experienced miscarriage, fertility difficulties etc. In Ireland, at least, you wouldn’t be short of clients if you specialised in this area.

Also, I was one of the youngest in my degree course, lots were in their 40s and 50s (and two in their 60s). So you’re definitely not too old - life experience counts massively in this field. In earlier years, I definitely felt like my age was held against me by both other therapists and potential clients (I also look very young). I think in the last few years, more young people are attracted to this role, but many clients want therapists who are older.

It will be tough to manage the kids and study, there are many requirements to the training (at least in ROI) - personal therapy, CPD courses even as a student, assignments, etc. Plus as a student therapist working up student hours (usually year 2 and 3), you’ll need to make time to see clients weekly and also your supervisor. You don’t get paid for these student sessions, but you need to pay your supervisor! Make sure you choose a course that is accredited by reputable body (BACP or similar). You can contact the body for a list of approved courses.

Hopefully, someone from the UK scene will come on to give you more specific info. However, feel free to ask any questions you’d like!

Sorry, I just reread that and what I should have said was that I qualified after 3 years (you’re right, that’s all it takes currently) but I still went on to do the degree and masters while I was working with clients.

(I wanted to future-proof my title as in Ireland there is talk of regulating the profession so that only those with a masters can call themselves a psychotherapist.)

You will need to get experience in this field before starting any kind of qualification. Have you looked up peer support work roles in perinatal mental health services in the NHS? That will give you some experience and help you to decide if this is an area you really want to go into (sometimes the reality doesn't always match the fantasy)

Hi OP, just a story from someone who was sort of you a few years ago. I’m now 38 with kids age 8 and 5. I’ve dabbled with the idea of a counselling career for years and gradually dipped a toe in the water via intro to counselling courses and volunteering as a face-to-face listening volunteer. I decided to take the plunge and attempted to do a part time post grad counselling certificate (the standalone first year of a 3 year counselling diploma) last year whilst maintaining my 4 day a week finance job.

I did love it, and it was a huge mix of age groups - from 21 year olds 60 year olds. But I just couldn’t do it whilst having young kids and a job. I dropped the job to 3 days but it still wasn’t working (perhaps because the job remained 4-5 days!!) I decided to full on focus on the course - and we were also moving house and getting kids into a new school then - so for 6 months I studied and was a SAHM. Yet no matter what, I found I was studying in the evenings and weekends - I think it was a shock to get back to academia and I just wasn’t managing the quantity of reading very well. House projects took a lot of my time during the day. More practical, less theoretical courses are available but I perhaps foolishly didn’t consider those - I blindly sought out a course offered by a top university, rather than a private institute, as I thought this would look better on my CV…

Anyway, in the end, I decided that I was missing out on time with my kids and I would see more of them by putting the study on hold and returning to my career in finance, whilst maintaining my interest in counselling by volunteering. My personal tutor said in her experience it can work better to return to study when one’s own children are studying - ie GCSEs onwards. This definitely struck a chord with me and if I’m still yearning in 7 years time I’ll reconsider. But one major factor in my decision was realising, on reflection, that I thrive better in a team than constantly in a 1-1 situation without much feedback.

Good luck with the path you choose.

I’ve been on my own PND journey and feel I’ve learned a lot from this and have a lot to offer.

It's great that you want something positive to come of that, but what about when women don't find the strategies that worked for you effective?

What about when you find their experiences completely unrelatable or they don't find your approach helpful?

Or they don't recover? Will you be able to accept that you don't have the knowledge or skills to fix everyone or that your approach is wrong for some?

Or when there isn't the funding to offer the level of intervention you'd hope?

Or you're navigating the bureaucracy and ideology? That might be even harder to stomach from your very optimistic starting point and I would be worried about the impact on you.

You could make a difference to some people, but it's unlikely to be the world changing experience you're picturing.

@tickticksnooze thank you for the reality check, I agree it’s important to be realistic about what it’s possible to achieve but I also think it’s good to have a real sense of purpose or motivation. I wrote my original message in quite a hurry so haven’t really explained what I meant very clearly but I appreciate the challenge - I think I have scale in my mind of what I want to achieve and even if I helped just a handful of people that would be great - and all the better if I could have greater impact.

@LightStar2022 thanks for taking the time to reply, this is super helpful. From what I’ve read the system is similar in Ireland to the UK. Did you have a psychology degree before or start from scratch? Totally agree re life experience - I wouldn’t have been mature enough to consider something like this upon graduating and of course I had no clue about maternal mental health. I hope there’s enough time to make it worthwhile and financially viable given I don’t think I can start for 3 years!

also appreciate the realistic views on trying to do this with young kids. I know it could be really hard but I think I have to try. I work 3 days in a relatively demanding CS job but could potentially find something less demanding that doesn’t need extra hours etc.

and I’m definitely looking at what I can do now to prepare including volunteering - I used some of Mind’s perinatal mental health services and think there may be an opportunity there which could be a good starting point.

I’m a therapist. It’s time consuming and expensive to train but many people do do it with young children. Keep in mind that neither counsellor or therapist are protected titles so anyone call themselves one, and anyone can do a 6week course and say they are trained.

Id be looking at somewhere accredited to UKCP or if you can’t afford that then BACP. You want somewhere where you MUST be having your own therapy alongside and where you need at least two placements.

Just to add, my training is an MSc and no one in my year had a psychology degree.

I keep hearing the ‘anyone can train in a few weeks and call themselves a counsellor’ - what does that mean in practice? As I have a background in psychology what would be the best or most credible route? I have been looking at a Masters in counselling psychology but it’s expensive and takes a long time - but I thought I should do the most rigorous qualification I can manage both intellectually and financially if that makes sense?

It means it isn’t a protected title. So there is no minimum qualification needed to say you are a counsellor or a therapist. For YEARS people have been trying to get it passed that there has to be, but it still hasn’t happened.

tbh I’d ignore the psychology background unless you want to try and make it as a clinical psychologist. Rigourous training looks like an MA or MSc in the type you want to do (ie person centred, Intergrative etc). Talk to colleges you’re interested in to see the difference and for training which is accredited to UKCP for the most well-rounded experience you can get. If you’re happy being a counsellor then look for BACP. I really recommend you only go for training which requires you to have your own therapy whilst doing it, but I know lots of BACP courses don’t ask for that.

This isn't true, you don't need experience to start a training course. You might have to do a short introductory course first.

Look up the training institutes in your area, they will have open evenings where the whole training process will be explained.
There are many levels of counselling course and it is not regulated I. Terms of who can set up as a counsellor or psychotherapist but there are plans to do so, so for future proofing, and to know what you're doing, look for at least level 5. Level 6 is a diploma in psychotherapeutic counselling (takes three to four years), and then msc is another approx two but you can be working while doing this.

Hi, I am a programme lead for a therapy course at a university. We are post graduate so our students get a PG cert/dip or M.Sc depending on how long they study. They have to do the PG Dip to qualify with a registered body. We have lots of students who start course in later life. Also lots who have had thier own experience of difficult times or therapy that has made them interested in being a therapist.
I tell them all each year. Be prepared for it being hard work. Studying, being supervised and being in clinical practice is a lot! I mostly suggest part time works well if people have family or work commitments alongside the course.
It's all very do-able as a mature student. Being prepared and organised is key. Knowing what you need to do by when. Getting placements in time, knowing how much supervision you need, when you're assignments are in and planning for it all make like much easier!
Our entrance criteria are level 6 study (degree), experience of working in Mental health, a narrative of what had brought you to the course. This is fairly standard I think
Good luck... also I started studying as a therapist at 32 .. 16 years later here I am running a course so 37 is not too late at all!!

As tickticksnooze mentioned, the idea that you've experienced something so naturally can help others with the same thing is something to be wary of. Sometimes it can be easier to help people with things you have less direct personal experiences with. That's not to put you off or criticise but to say that it's an idea to also keep your mind open to working in other areas.

Someone said the psychology degree isn't a prerequisite. It's not but I'd argue that if should be - specifically the research and stays part of it these days. There's SO much new research that has been done in the past 20 years. More is coming out all the time in relation to trauma and depression (both impacting the area you're interested in). I've seen therapists share the most ridiculous online articles reporting some of this. Or some weird cooky title of research. They cannot read the research article themselves and understand it so rely on internet articles. I can absolutely guarantee you that many of the journalists writing about these things don't have the first clue about stats. I've heard a prominent researcher. - Rachel Yehuda - recently reexplain her research because the results have been so twisted by the media and pop psychologists. So, your psychology degree doesn't help in dealing with clients, for sure, but it DOES give you a massive advantage when keeping up to date with and critically evaluating the results of research findings and providing the best for your clients, especially if you're in private practice. You may find that a lonely position, but I'd rather that than think I know something because I read an article, even on Psychology today (the best of a very bad lot).

No, I didn’t have a psychology degree, I had another degree completely unrelated to the field. For many in the training, this is their first qualification. Others have another degree, while some have psychology or similar. The psychology degree with be an advantage in terms of understanding research, as a pp said.

Definitely try get involved with an organisation that has a counselling service. It can be tricky to get a placement as a student (in Ireland, at least) so any contacts you have are an advantage. I had been volunteering for years with a charity so I had a readymade placement, but lots of my classmates really struggled.

You’ll find that lots of people have young kids in the training and make it work. I worked a full time job, volunteered with two charities, and was also doing another training course at the same time and I somehow got through (with burnout after!). Another guy in my class was doing a masters (in a different field) and the training simultaneously! It’s not impossible, but it’s tough.

The route to being an accredited counsellor is long and very expensive-the cost of the supervision alone caused an ex-colleague to stop the training. I think the first few levels of training courses were hundreds rather than thousands but the main chunk was 2 years and (I think-I can’t remember exactly) £7000+ for each year.

I know two people who are working as counsellors now and who enjoy it. The ongoing overheads are high, I think-cost of insurance and maintaining an office et possibly ongoing CPD.

It is pretty intense work so although the hourly rate they can charge sounds high, they can’t do that 40 hours a week as I would be far too hard. Both friends I know who are doing it, do love it but both say they can only do it because their husbands are very high earners-it doesn’t seem to bring in a decent wage for them in itself.

@bumpertobumper my apologies I didn't word my post very well- I meant it's advisable to have mental health experience before you start any qualification in this area, to see if you enjoy the work

I am retraining as a Counsellor/Psychotherapist currently.

Background Social Care and Youth Work.

I will go via an access course and then a Masters part time. So 3-4 years total depending on what I want to come out with (PG Dip or Masters - both are qualified)

I plan on doing a BACP accredited course. Currently work 4 days and have a toddler. It's hard going sometimes but I'm very lucky to have a supportive husband and family. I am also very organised, and you really do have to be. It's a long haul and can feel like a slog at times.

Also, definitely not too old. On my course I'm probably the younger end as most are 40 plus.

I'd like to add my agreement to the cautionary note sounded by tickticksnooze and daretodenim. Speaking of your 'purpose in life' makes you sound very fired up and evangelistic - of course it's important and a good thing to care about something, but it sounds as if it's an experience you are still very close to in emotional and temporal terms and your approach to it will be very coloured by your own experience, which may not always best place you to help others through their own unique difficulties. I admit I always feel a little bit when someone declares they're passionate about something, particularly where the something relates to helping others, because they're framing their doing it in terms that are very much about them. This, of course, would be something that the personal therapy/self-reflection you would be undergoing during any training worth its salt would get you to explore thoroughly and reflect on. I still think IIWY I would be thinking in terms not so much of the area you are keen to specialise n, but of the more general, fundamental aspects of the job (whatever that job proves to be when your idea is fleshed out - what you're describing sounds more like a sort of coaching than counselling/therapy per se, perhaps).

Thanks everyone for the thought provoking replies - exactly what I needed! Whatever I do is going to require a big investment and a fair bit of sacrifice, so I need to be sure that what i’m planning is right. I think I’m going to start by volunteering and getting a feel for what’s involved and see where that takes me.