Finding it increasingly hard to juggle work and family commitments

[stressedoutatwork]

I have recently gone back to work after my last contract ended and I am finding it increasingly hard to juggle work and family commitments. I don't know how other people manage to do it. My children are not babies anymore but instead of getting easier as they get older, it seems to be getting harder with all the activities and appointments, and lack of after-school care. How do other people cope? I have tried spreading my hours over shorter days but now I don't get a day off. Has anyone been in this position. Did you talk to your boss and if so, what did you say?

Mine are older and I would love a day off in the week, but find the only way I manage is by working the five days with shorter hours each day. That way I’m back earlier to do dinner and get people out the door again. I’m exhausted and I miss when they were in bed at 7.30!

I'd say if juggling their activities and work is too hard, the activities may have to go. Do you have any after school care? How old are they?

It is hard isnt it. I find the nightmare scenario of one kid being off sick then the next kid being off sick - sequences of illness are fhe worst. Followed by shorter school vacations, Christmas and inset days when there is no kids club running.

Why on earth is there no after school care? Childminder instead? We had ASC until 6pm and DD1 did 5 days a week with a cluster of kids who had two parents working FT. Made her best friends in that club!

I had an open conversation with my manager saying I want to continue doing a good job, but finding it hard to achieve work-life balance particularly in the afternoon around 4.30m to 7pm (nursery pick up for dc2; netball club and a music lesson for dc1; dinner for the kids; etc). My manager agreed I could take a short lunch and start early some days a week and I block out calendar after 4.30pm so no one books a meeting for me then. If there's an unavoidable meeting or work crisis usually it's known a bit in advance and I try to arrange DH to step in and cover. But reality is home comes first, not work, especially when I've probably already done 45 hours previous week.

The way I make life work is like this:

• have a cleaner once a week (godsend)
• have a helpful DH. Discuss the week and month ahead at the weekend and check in every morning on today's activities.
• plan, plan, plan life in every detail.
• mum and dad friendships. Cultivate friendships with parents at school and clubs; share lifts and offer emergency help - it's invaluable and worth putting yourself out so you can call in favours.
• anything unusual gets written on the family calendar whether that is the MOT or a distant aunt's birthday or the cleaners vacation.
• super organised in the evening is key to next day going well
• bring up your kids to be resourceful and independent. Don't do everything for them.
• show up productively during working hours. If I'm working, I'm working very hard. Builds goodwill that makes my boss happier to be flexible and give me benefit of the doubt when dcs are ill (again).
• keep my Outlook diary up to date and block time for personal appointments.
• work thru lunch when kids are at school.
• make my lunch before work and a flask of tea and water so I can be at my desk all day except loo breaks.
• got a job where i can wfh. I save time not commuting and use that to prep dinner or peg out laundry at 7.45am or whatever.

Lots of my colleagues eat a quick lunch at their desks whether in office or wfh, and then leave early to collect kids from school and do a few hours work in the evening once partner is home or kids asleep. My dc1 now goes to bed after 10pm and she hates when I work in the evenings so I'm flipping my model and working early a.m. when I can eg 5.30am to 6.30am. Not easy.

I find it so much harder now my children are older. So much so that I have taken a few years break from work to try and find some balance.

I have four kids and have worked full time, often with a long commute too, through the 13 years of pregnancy/kids. Planning planning planning was the key when they were little, but now some of them are in secondary (no ASC) and don't have school transport, I have found myself with a ridiculous set of school journeys, never mind evening activities.

Thankfully, my employer has seen me bust a gut to work hard when my kids were small and that are happy to give me a period of extended (unpaid!) leave. I am putting things in place to be able to return to work in two years when the ages/locations of my children/their schools will make my life simpler again.