Will I sound desperate, incompetent or both?

[ExSquirrelClub]

Long story short…

I work in a technical role at a large company in a very male-dominated industry. I returned from maternity leave part-time (agreed with HR/Manager and salary adjusted). I’ve been back for three and a half months, and I absolutely hate it. Manager is being a complete dick about my new working hours, capacity, accrued annual leave, he contacts me on my non-working days, he doesn’t respond to most of my emails and has stopped directly addressing me in Teams calls. My confidence is shot to pieces and I need to leave.

I’ve been searching for another part time job in the same role and there doesn’t seem to be anything out there, I’ve even spoken to a recruitment consultant and they said they don’t know of any companies hiring on a part-time basis.

I saw an advert today for an administrative position with another firm. It’s part-time, the office is five minutes from my house and they only want office presence one day a week (I currently have a 2 hour commute). They’re asking for A-Levels and proficiency in Microsoft Office, I’ve got degrees and 7+ years of experience using Excel and specialist software. I really want to apply but I’m worried about how it will appear if I do i.e. I’m desperate to leave my job, I can’t cope with what I do now, I can’t make things work, I’m incompetent. Should I apply or just stick with what I’ve got? Does anyone have any application tips/advice?

I didn't lie on my CV but emphased the admin aspects of my roles. And put in that I wanted a part-time role. It's fairly common for people to look for a work-life balance with young kids, whether it's reducing travel/hours etc.

Sorry about not replying to everyone.

Regarding the admin position, the main parts of the role were 'key point of contact for internal and external customers (answering the phone?), deliver effective and efficient administrative service, take/prepare and distribute meeting minutes, maintain database, organise meetings'... so sounds like a sort of PA role.

I was upset this morning with the whole situation when I saw the advert. I haven't really considered how a move like this would affect me in the long run. Perhaps I need to focus on dealing with what's going on where I am now and look at some more suitable positions elsewhere / think about returning full time.

It's such a difficult situation because my husband is out the house 13 hours a day all week and our daughter is in nursery from when it opens until it closes on the days that I work so going back FT would mean having to find before and after nursery child care.

Back soon, need to do dinner!

Phone pregnant then screwed if you're not being treated the same as your other colleagues. This sounds like discrimination.

In the meantime, apply for the job.
When they ask why you want it, tell them the truth. You're looking for a better work/life balance and have outgrown your previous role and want a completely new challenge.

Are you in a union? If not, join one.

And go back to HR.

I wouldn't do anything yet OP. Raise a grievance with HR first - it may be easily sorted - you may just need to train your boss a bit.

If he doesn't respond to your email regarding leave just send another copying in HR saying in the absence of a response I am assuming that this leave is agreed and have copied HR in order that they can record these days as holiday.

I would get some advice from an employment lawyer. You may well be able to negotiate a deal to exit the business if that's what you'd like to do.

Talk to someone in HR and talk about constructive dismissal, this fucker is bullying you out.

Also just because he has been there a long time doesn't make it okay, my ex line manager had been in her role for decades and everyone had been to afraid to report her toxic ways.

Copy HR on this thread.

Ime HR won't do anything. They're there to protect the company and not the employees. You can try speaking to them but life is far too short to stay in a job that's wrecking your MH. Even if they do tell him to stop being a dickhead, he'll probably find other ways to make your work like miserable.

Apply for the admin job at least. Give yourself options.

Can you consult/freelance in your current sphere?

Ffs you are so incredibly offensive. Dumbing down……riiiiight.

I had a similar experience after I went part time following maternity leave but it was 25 YEARS AGO!!!
I kept going with it for a while, tried to deal with it as “they’re prepared to pay me £££ for this (job had been totally deskilled) so I’ll do it”
I lasted about 4 months and left to be a SAHM for a while. I then went into my current job, which didn’t need any of the qualifications I have, but it was challenging in how I had to think, and have had way more job satisfaction in it. It’s only now on my early 50s that I’ve got a bit dissatisfied with it- but that’s a combination of workplace politics and my age.
Think long and hard about what you want, I absolutely prioritised family over career and don’t regret it, but it’s not for everyone.

Hi everyone,
Thank you so much for all your replies, sorry I didn't reply yesterday I had loads of appointments then had to pack for holiday.

To whoever asked, yes I do (or did) enjoy my job. My dad did the same and we are programmed the same way, so while it's not my dream job (animal rescue centre - haha) this is what is for me.

I keep swinging between "fuck him, how dare he" and wanting to sort it out, to "I'm so worn out I can't be bothered to fight" and just accepting that I chose to work in this industry and then have a baby so what did I expect...

@JudgeRindersMinder do you have any regrets or do you think you did what was right for you overall?

Go see HR. If you’re thinking of leaving what do you have to lose?

Is there another team you’d like to transfer to?

Failing this I would do some proper thinking about a career change that uses your skills, I think you will regret dropping into an admin role, your bank account won’t like it, and neither will your pension.

@girlmom21 I'm flitting between applying and not applying every 5 minutes. I've got about 2 weeks until the deadline closes.

Option 1 - Apply and do whatever it takes CV wise to make me sound like a good choice
Option 2 - Apply and be honest, a la Bridget Jones (except haven't shagged boss, just hate him)
Option 3 - just ask them if they have something that would fit what I want, they probably won't but I suppose you never know

This thread has really given me some food for thought.

Oh god if you're an animal rescue, you will be able to go back to it at any time. The charities are crying out for staff!

Have a break from it and your shitty boss, keep your skills up by doing a course if you can, and apply for the admin job!

Just to clarify for some PP, 'admin' staff don't just open a spreadsheet and add some numbers like some cave dwellers who just discovered a computer.

Op, I have made a similar move previously and whilst I had more experience that was necessary for the role, I expressed my interest in the new working environment and highlighted all of my transferable skills.

It was mentioned by a PP that they would never recruit someone who was overqualified but I think that's a sure fire way to miss out on good employees. People change careers for all sorts of reasons, it isn't always a bad thing

Op I'm a HR mgr. he needs to leave, not you. He's not fit to be a manager. You should raise a grievance.
Pregnant then screwed are great with support.

@ExSquirrelClub No regrets at all. To be fair though my life got a bit complicated due to my parents’ health and care needs when I was only about 30, and I was in a position to be heavily involved with them, and this really only stopped being an issue 2 years ago when my dad died.

Had things not panned out the way they did with my parents, maybe I’d have been able to/wanted to take a different path, but I’ve always been very appreciative that I’ve been able to put my family first, whilst still earning a decent living, and paying into a good pension (boring I know, but very necessary).

I put a huge value on a clear conscience, but not everyone feels the same about that, and they’re maybe more fortunate than I am!

I'm sorry to hear about your dad @JJudgeRindersMinder that sounds incredibly tough 😔

Thank you for all the replies, I really appreciate it. I'm sorry to whoever thought I was looking down on the admin role, I didn't mean it like that.

To update you, I had a weekend away with my family and then took an extra day off work to do the washing associated with said trip 🙈

Unfortunately when I got back to work on Wednesday things had ramped up a couple of notches regarding LM. I spent two days trying to calm down and compose something appropriate to send to HR but I couldn't do it. Today was my non working day and I saw a couple of friends who work for the NHS, they know what's going on, but when I gave them the update they were completely speechless. I know what's going on isn't okay but the conversation today has given me the massive kick up the arse that I needed. This afternoon I contacted a woman I know quite well in HR (but different business stream) and she has arranged a call between us for next week. She won't be able do anything about him but she will be able to help kickstart the grievance procedure. Even this feels like such a huge weight off my shoulders.

I haven't decided whether to still apply for the other job, I'm 50/50. A part of me thinks why on earth have I studied and worked so hard just to toss it off (it's unlikely I'd be able to re-enter the profession) but I also think right now that a fresh start would be nice.