Ds become unhappy at childminder - advice needed please

[percy]

Wondering if anyone out there has some words of wisdom. I am going to try and condense a complicated situation into as few words as poss...

Ds (2.5 yrs) has been with current childminder for 5 months for 2 days each week (was previously with another, but moved house, plus one short disaster with nanny in between). He is a very lively and independent chap - never got upset about separation etc. Has also recently started playgroup 3 mornings where he is really happy.

Anyway, the childminder and I share a mutual acquantaince who recently was saying to me that she felt the childminder was too disciplinarian. I got upset at the time, but trusted my instincts that ds was happy etc. More recently however he has become really distressed at being left there and sometimes says it is because the childminder shouts at him.

Plus, I hardly dare say it, it came to light about 2 months ago that the childminder had smacked ds on one occasion - I confronted her about this and she admitted it - but I am sure this has not happened again.

I guess almost as I am writing this I am realising that she is not the right person. But having said that up till recently ds was very happy there. Plus I wonder how destabilising it will be to change childcare AGAIN. PLUS new baby due in April so may need to review childcare again at the end of the summer. Aaargh!!!!!

Nursery/ playgroup cannot increase his hours. I could cut my total childcare hours a little but not too much as am working part time (although self employed).

Any advice/ other similar experiences would be greatly appreciated. Sorry for length of this post.

Hi Percy, think your childminder's reaction actually shows you DID do the right thing. She obviously wanted a way out as much as you did. Probably because, like my childminder, she never really bonded with your son, or because she wants to stop childminding for other reasons. If she's glad to give him up, then you did the right thing for your family. Good luck with finding a replacement.

thanks all
think i have decided to go for a nanny share this time round - just would feel more secure being able to keep an eye on things a little more. so the search begins....
jasper - just ring local education authority/ council for the list of chilminders locally and they will send one.

Percy, are you in or near London? The Register is a great way to advertise for a nanny/see adverts from nannies.

Hi Aloha
Is the register the same as 'simply childcare' magazine? (I am in London btw)

I have a sneaky suspicion that The Register changed their name to Simply Childcare.

Yes they did.

Yup, you are right Soupdragon & Marina
Have just called a placed an advert. What a nice bunch of people who work there - I was really impressed at how helpful they were.

Well done Percy - didn't mean to make you cry with the story about my ds. It doesn't seem to have done him any lasting damage - he is absolutely the most charming and sociable boy, lovely lovely boy (ah, I'm all soppy about him ...).

My general experience of childminders is - mixed. I think it really depends on the person in a way that nurseries probably don't. We have had an absolutely fantastic, first rate, wonderful Alibubbles-type childminder for 7 years, 2 OK ones and one bad one. Also a nanny who was sooo fed up with looking after kids all day that she spent hours with them every week at the nearest pub with an indoor play area, where the kids played while she and her nanny friends chated up the barmen!
Best of luck

copper, thank you for your kind words!

Alibubbles - I know how good a good childminder can be, and you certainly sound like one! Actually, you sound just like my sister, except about 70 miles away from where she lives. Life for the children who come to her house sounds wonderful. Both she and my nursery teacher sister are big believers in learning through play, and put what they believe into constant practice. Other childminders we have had just don't know what play is ....

I second that - I think you sound like an amazing childminder Alibubbles. The problem is, childminders like you are like gold dust. As I need to find some alternative childcare pretty sharpish, I think going for a nanny/nanny share is my best option. But I am certainly not going to be rushing into anything.

Am having a posting frenzy today and thought I'd update you all on this situation which I have finally resolved. I did take ds out from that situation and am really happy that I did - it is amazing but he has NEVER mentioned her name since which I think is quite remarkable and tells me something.

After many protacted months of childcare disasters (nanny chosen didn't come back after christmas as had split up with boyfriend etc) have finally found a fabulous sort of nanny/childminder lady who ds is settling in with really nicely.

So a few months on, all is sorted (lots of stress along the way though). So thanks again for everyone's advice!