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Original poster

Work daytrip and first pregnancy

15 replies

mummatam · 09/09/2022 15:32

Hello All!

It's my first post here so apologies in advance if I'm using the wrong terminology etc!

I'm 11 weeks pregnant with our first baby and I've been asked to go to a work event next week. It's a 2.5 hour drive to a conference and the day is split into talks in the day and a black tie dinner in the evening. I have to come back on the day as the next morning is my first ultrasound at the hospital. My boss asked if I would be staying after the dinner and I said no as I had a medical appointment the next morning, and he replied 'OK so we won't book you into a hotel then'.

I haven't told work yet about the pregnancy (I only started in June and my probation period is 6 months) but I am suffering from extreme tiredness (thankfully no vomiting, only nausea). Anyway, I am dreading the long day and the mingling. I asked my boss if I could have a hotel room anyway as I'd need somewhere to change for the dinner (couldn't think of any other excuse) but honestly I think I will need somewhere for a lie down. He said there will be toilets where I can change :(

Anyway, is it unreasonable for work to ask me to be at an event 9am-10pm (2.5hour drive from home) without giving me a hotel room? Because I'll have to leave home at 6.30am and won't be home until after midnight... And, shall I just tell my boss I'm expecting?

Any advice is hugely appreciated!
Tam x

OP posts:
Rotherweird · 09/09/2022 15:41

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Nobody is being unreasonable here - your request is reasonable on the grounds of pregnancy, so you just need to let your boss know that you are pregnant so that he can make reasonable adjustments for that.

Mushroo · 09/09/2022 15:45

If you’re not staying over you don’t actually need a hotel room. They’re not going to pay for a room so you can have a lie down.

how early can you leave in the evening? Can you get away with straight after dinner? Or even before and just do the daytime stuff.

WaveyHair · 09/09/2022 15:50

Boss is been reasonable about not providing a hotel room if you are not staying but perhaps, on safety grounds, should not be expecting you to stay until 10pm then drive 2.5 hours home.

Do you need to stay for the dinner if it is an evening event?

gogohmm · 09/09/2022 15:50

They offered you a hotel room to stay the night, you refused it - of course they won't pay for somewhere to change. If you feel too ill to go you need to tell them, otherwise it's part of your job. Unfortunately this is why some employers aren't keen on hiring women of childbearing age, it's not just maternity leave. I told my boss early on due to needing to travel and I was offered an alternative position that meant no travel but less money... I kept doing the travel!

Original poster
mummatam · 09/09/2022 15:51

Rotherweird · 09/09/2022 15:41

Congratulations on your pregnancy! Nobody is being unreasonable here - your request is reasonable on the grounds of pregnancy, so you just need to let your boss know that you are pregnant so that he can make reasonable adjustments for that.

Thank you! We're very excited! But my goodness, I never anticipated the level of tiredness I'm feeling!

I think I might have to tell them.. I was hoping to get away with it for a few more weeks. It's a start up, only men and I don't know why, I'm just feeling a bit scared of telling them because I'm so new still 😳

OP posts:
Original poster
mummatam · 09/09/2022 15:52

WaveyHair · 09/09/2022 15:50

Boss is been reasonable about not providing a hotel room if you are not staying but perhaps, on safety grounds, should not be expecting you to stay until 10pm then drive 2.5 hours home.

Do you need to stay for the dinner if it is an evening event?

Sadly yes. I was especially required for the dinner portion because they want me to meet some people.

OP posts:
Original poster
mummatam · 09/09/2022 15:54

gogohmm · 09/09/2022 15:50

They offered you a hotel room to stay the night, you refused it - of course they won't pay for somewhere to change. If you feel too ill to go you need to tell them, otherwise it's part of your job. Unfortunately this is why some employers aren't keen on hiring women of childbearing age, it's not just maternity leave. I told my boss early on due to needing to travel and I was offered an alternative position that meant no travel but less money... I kept doing the travel!

I didn't explicitly refuse it... He asked if I was leaving that night or staying, and because my scan was the next morning I said I'd need to leave as soon as possible to which he said I wouldn't need a room then :(

OP posts:
WaveyHair · 09/09/2022 15:58

So could you stay the night and leave really early the next morning and drive straight to the hospital?

Grumpybutfunny · 09/09/2022 16:36

You can rearrange your scan to later in the day if you don't want to tell your boss . Then you can stay the night

Aprilx · 10/09/2022 05:58

I’d stay the night and change appointment or get up early for it.

Your manager is perfectly reasonable in not booking a room for somebody that has said they won’t be staying.

Paq · 10/09/2022 06:00

Just change your ultrasound appointment!

Congratulations.

VerveClique · 10/09/2022 06:14

Just tell them! I know you don’t want to but seriously, what harm can come of it. You can’t be protected by the pregnancy-related legislation until they know.

Then see what they say.

Shit happens to women at work because they are pregnant. It’s dreadful. But I don’t think that waiting until after your scan is serving you.

Original poster
mummatam · 10/09/2022 06:51

Ok, thank you all for your words of wisdom.

I've decided to stay the night (too knackered to do the whole thing in one day anyway) and have pushed the appointment to later in the day 🙌

I guess the other reason I haven't mentioned anything pre-scan is I'm just scared. I was told before getting pregnant I was high risk because of my weight so I'm terrified in the back of my mind.

OP posts:
Toddlerteaplease · 10/09/2022 07:20

Can't you stay over and just leave early in the morning? Your boss is not being unreasonable at all.

drpet49 · 12/09/2022 17:40

WaveyHair · 09/09/2022 15:58

So could you stay the night and leave really early the next morning and drive straight to the hospital?

This. Why can’t you do this???

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