Confused

[Furcoatandnoknickerz]

I started a new job about five months ago, absolutely love it, my team lead / coworker seemed really nice welcoming and I thought we got on pretty well, she was always very chatty and seems to have a good sense of humour.
However, the last two or three weeks she has changed towards me, not very chatty, sarcastic remarks, accusing me of doing things I haven’t done.
I work hard and do what I’m asked to do, I’m still learning my role so do make the odd minor mistake, which of course she’s quick enough mention, I don’t mind constructive criticism as I learn from mistakes.
She seems to get me and another coworker mixed up as the other day she accused me off doing something my coworker does.
I’m confused as to why the sudden personality change, I know she’s just hit the menopause and relations with her husband don’t seem hunky dory, but surely this is no excuse to come to work and be totally ratty.
Im holding my tongue and appeasing her up to now , but I won’t be able to hold on forever, I will give it back , then the working “ relationship “ will be ruined.
Any helpful advice gratefully received.

Just sounds like a case of a mask falling off. I have had that before where the manager would constantly belittle the team and talk to everyone like rubbish. But she was always super nice and caring around new starters.... until a few months had passed and her mask slipped.

@User110922 I think your reply is absolutely bang on! Thankyou.
Since I started the thread, things have got worse, she has been given a promotion which means she is now officially supervisor for our and other small teams in other locations. She is out of her depth, a week after getting the new title she went to work from home with stress.
I’m bank staff, ( zero hr contract) she has no idea of my contact and seems to think I must work everything she demands, including working all over Xmas so she can have all of Xmas off. I explained I don’t have any availability for work that week, however, I made a suggestion that if we all just worked one day the office would be covered.
That suggestion was ignored, and she , a middle aged woman had a major teenage strop, stormed off for an early lunch! She’s obviously used to her own way and can’t cope with the fact that I’m quite within my rights to refuse some hrs that are offered.
You could split the atmosphere with a knife when she came back, totally ignored me for around an hr, then just packed her her things up and walked out and muttered she was finishing the day at home. Leaving me in the office on my own , to honest I was glad she went, because I was on the verge of going myself.
Then later I got a message that she only wants me for half the agreed hrs for next week, which I’m more than happy with, but she’s clearly just being vindictive.
I’m now looking for another job which is a real shame as I like the job , and like the bank contract, but I can’t walk on eggshells every time I’m in.
The old saying is very true, people walk away from bad bosses not bad jobs.

Sounds like you've nailed it, she's had a promotion that she probably wasn't fit for; sorry if that sounds harsh but going off the behaviour described it sounds like it. Then the classic lashing out at everyone beneath her. Watch for any taking the spotlight off her behaviour now to anyone beneath her, nip it in the bud if she starts.

My old line manager was like this, promoted beyond her ability, bullied anyone beneath her to take the spotlight off her.

All super friendly and nice at first and then would start with the mocking about how you looked/your ability then outright bullying - isolating one 'bad' employee from everyone else, pitting us against each other. It worked, manager above her was always singing her praises - the old kick down and kiss up tactic of the over promoted. Anyway, sorry that obviously riled me I'm sorry!

Can you copy in/speak to HR about any leave? The way I dealt with the woman above was just to be very formal and copy in her manager or HR for leave requests and training, then I left the role as she had caused a very toxic environment unfortunately. Anyway hope you get some more replies about this.

Just read your newest post, those strops and silences are not on, it's called a hostile working environment, don't take that crap lightly as it's awful for your mental health. My line manager had strops like that and would ignore me all day, it's not on, totally unprofessional.

@DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow thanks for your reply, you are absolutely right. Apparently she has been in this department many years and was desperate for some kind of promotion. The only opportunity would be to work at a main site which would be a 60 mile round trip, she didn’t want the traveling. I don’t know other ins and outs, but her line manager has seized a fantastic opportunity to delegate a huge chunk of their menial staffing responsibilities and make up a job for her giving her responsibilities way above the promoted pay band, it’s basically a piss take.
A real case of be careful what you wish for.
She is not supervisory material, I have never witnessed such unprofessional behaviour as the other day.
As I said I’m bank staff, but she is constantly nit picking and micromanaging. I was on my own a few days ago, she was wfh , I was in 15 minutes before my start time , I was chatting to other members of staff that I was on my own, made a brew, went to log on which always takes a few minutes as it always seems to want your password repeated a few time before letting you in. I got logged on 1 minute over my start time, to have a message that that she is very concerned as I haven’t yet logged on …………seriously! Am I in nursery school!
Your right my mental health is starting to suffer, I now wake up with a headache everyday.
I don’t think going to HR or above her is going to be of any use as I have only been there a few months and bank staff, she has been with the company for around 20 years.

@DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow well seems you are bang on! Just received an email from my line manager also her manager. I’ve obviously been “complained about “ the nit picking blown up and the spotlight taken from her on to me!
Also had a message from an equal colleague pulling me up on something minor, obviously at her instruction to make me now feel bad about my colleague……….
So no way I feel I can go above her now, just no point adding to the stress.
Looks like I’m subtly being pushed out. To be honest the reason they advertised for bank staff was to cover her AL , I guess it’s all back fired because I don’t want to work Xmas week. There was never any mention of this being a statutory requirement at interview, if it was I would not have accepted the job.
If I’m pushed out now it gives them just enough time to re advertise and have someone else in for Xmas!
Dreading going in next week.

I know it's easy for me to say but get out of that environment asap. It's so bad for your mental health, she's been there years like my line manager had. There's just no point staying as these places just close rank on the person that has been there the longest. It's rubbish and part of me feels wrong telling you just to go but it's not worth the stress. I'm in a new role and am only just getting over all the behaviours I posted further up!

Keep posting if you need moral support! I'll be here all afternoon on and off.

@DoYouRememberDiedreBarlow Your right, I know I have to get out ,it’s not worth it.
They’ve obviously closed ranks in the last few days.
Your kind words have actually brought me to tears!

I’m glad you got out and found a nicer place to work.

@Furcoatandnoknickerz Oh, I know it's frowned on round these parts but sending you a hug. I know a bit of what you are going through. Always remember it's just who she is, her own insecurity, if it's not you it will be the next person. Just head down, do what you need to and get out of that sort of place.

Also to emphasise that I just remembered, as soon as I gave my notice in she started on someone else, and this was someone she is friends with out of work!! So see how it's all about them. Ugh anyway off to eat my sandwich :D

Ah OP I had a situation very similar to yours and I know how it feels! What a crappy place to be in, I hope you find a new workplace soon!