What chances do I have of going to work with two children?

[mumto2babiesx]

Hi, I have two children one is 10 months and the other is 5, my partner works full time 8-5 and I’d really like to go to work too and bring some money in and gain some independence.
My partner doesn’t earn enough so we get a top up from Universal credit. We are living on his wages and UC, I take my eldest to school and pick her up and also take care of our 10 month old at home. My partner says it’s not worth me going to work because we’d lose UC and I might aswell wait until our youngest is older but I feel like a failure seeing so many working mums succeeding while I’m at home living on UC, I just never feel like I’m giving back and am just another mum living on benefits. I’d really love to find a job however I also don’t want to miss out too much on my children growing etc. we wouldn’t be entitled to any childcare and both our families work full time so we can’t get any help from our families like most people do. I’ve considered doing night shifts to work around the childcare issues but I’m worried I’ll be a rubbish and drained mum during the day if I do that.
does anybody have any advice for a struggling mum?
I appreciate all of you for even reading this.

It depends on your earning potential

I'd not consider working nights as it will just cause other issues to form

But if your partner is correct that you're unlikely to earn enough to cover the loss of UC and childcare costs then you might just have to stay put and wait until your youngest is older

Although why finances weren't considered before bringing another baby into the mix is baffling

Get an evening job if you can find one or if you have skills is there any chance of returning to what you did before children working remotely?

Evening or weekend work eg restaurants, bars?

You’d have to see whether the pay will outweigh the impact on UC (use online calculators) but even if you’re not up by much, it would be good to have some kind of record of working to help you get other work in the future once your baby is older.

Good luck

@PainsandAches Thankyou for the advice, however my partner and I chose to have another baby in the understanding that I stayed home while he went to work, I only wanted some advice, because not to be judged. 🙂

@5zeds Thankyou for the advice!

@minipie Thankyou so much

Years ago I had two babies, 12 months apart, and worked four evenings per week, 6pm-11pm, typing up reports for Chartered Surveyors. This meant no childcare costs and not having to ask the family to help out. It was tough going (I was shattered as I didn’t get to sleep until midnight and both babies did not sleep well) but worth it financially.

Plenty of people work with 2 kids, I'm not sure where you have managed to get the idea that having kids makes this impossible.

You either use after school clubs/childminders/holiday clubs and nurseries, work around each others shifts or your partner changes his hours to allow him to do some of the pick ups/drop offs.

It's normal to spend a few years not earning much more than you spend on childcare some people decide that it is important to stay in the workforce regardless (due to future earning power/keeping skills up to date, independence, relationship equality etc).

You need to decide what is most important to you, taking into consideration all of the advantages and disadvantages of going back to work and/or staying at home. Include anything that is holding you back. It may just be that you're having a 'grass is greener' moment.

It sounds as if your partner isn't very supportive of you returning to work. It sounds as if he has gotten too cosy with you doing all of the child raising without him having to do any thinking, organising, planning or taking on any of the burden. This would be a huge red flag for me personally and would make me more determined to go back.

Depends what kind of work you do OP?
If you are on UC it seems bizarre that you wouldn't be entitled to childcare funding help for your youngest should you work? Also does your husband work from home to do pick up and drop offs?
You need to put the figures down on paper. It's easy for people to say many women work at a loss when their kids are little, but those women do so usually to advance a career. If you literally are going to get a min wage job then I dont see how it makes sense to make your household worse off over the next couple of years,

What qualifications do you have? And are they strong enough and up to date enough to make you competitive in the job market?

If you’d only be looking for relatively low paid work might you consider using the time at home to study / train to improve your options?

Have a look around the Mature Study and Retraining board, here:

www.mumsnet.com/talk/mature_students

You’ll find countless reiterations of your own situation and perhaps inspiration for a way forward.

being able to have 2 working parents and a preschool aged dc does depend on earning and type of job. If you can't work somewhere with the flexibility to do shared school picks up and drop off you'd need either part time, which is unlikely to pay enough to make up the difference in lost UC plus childcare or pay for wrap around for school aged dc adding more expense.

Nursery fees are a lot before the 30 hours funded at age 3 so if you're looking at lower paid jobs plus a loss of UC then it's not financially sustainable. Could you use these next few years to study or qualify in something with better earning potential for when the time comes?

What is the plan for when your youngest is 'older' in terms of school pick up and drop off and how that works with you working?

When mine where younger I always looked at the bigger picture - I worked and they went to nursery. Once they went to school I had enough trust with my company to request reduced hours so I could do the school run and a after school activities a couple of times a week. Then once they at secondary school being able to increase hours back up.

When children are younger it’s financially harder but I always tried to think long term and what it all meant - I could ask for that flexi time from my role etc

Its difficult but do try to think what is right for you & family. But also what is fair - nursery fees are a shared costs. It enables you as a mother to keep your earning potential pensions etc etc

None. My husband works away and term time 10-2 jobs appear to be non existent because I've been looking for nearly a year now.

I'm solely responsible for school and nursery pick up and drop offs, I look after them when they're sick and my husband isn't here, I do everything. Every school club, every birthday party, every packed lunch box, etc.

I have no help, can't afford help. Financially we're ok because my husband is a high earner but I want to work for me. I want to have my own money.

If your earning potential is not high, I would probably wait until the little one is in nursery at least.

Or get a very part time evening job two or three nights a week.

She wasn't asking about you .
OP If you can earn enough around your husbands work to either match UC or better it , then do whatever you can .
UC or any benefit needs to stop being a option if it's not desperately needed . It really should be used for a short term fix for all able bodied people .

Loads of women work with two or more kids!

What about training as a childminder, then you can work from home and (potentially) set your hours?

What is your skill base and earning potential OP? There is something wrong with the current system when going out to work will mean you are worse off than if claiming benefits ..... however it is what it is and the answer will depend on your earning potential.

Get married OP.

What a ridiculous question. So many people work with 2 kids or even 3 or 4 or more !