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Original poster

Is it realistic to wfh with a baby in the same home but being looked after by partner?

22 replies

Duv · 30/08/2022 10:19

I know a lot of people talk about how unrealistic it is to wfh with a baby without childcare, but I was wondering what it's like when the daddy is at home full time (so not working too) to care for your baby whilst you work in another room?

I live in a small flat and wondering whether it would be incredibly distracting to wfh with my baby in the flat even if I'm not in charge of looking after baby. Like is it unrealistic to work whilst you can hear your baby crying, wouldn't your partner keep coming in for support when something challenging came up (obviously fine within reason but not if it's continuous).

OP posts:

stackhead · 30/08/2022 10:23

It's difficult, I did it when DD was 6 months old and ended up having a build an office in the garden (in the garage actually) to get out of the house.

It was distracting when DD was upset (wanting to help), sad when DD was happy (wanting to join in) and unhelpful for my DH who felt like he was constantly being watched.

msbevvy · 30/08/2022 10:25

Surely it depends on the partner.

Mine would have loved it and would have happily got on with it without disturbing me.

If you went to work outside the home would your partner be doing the childcare? If so, you wouldn't be on hand anyway.

Skyeheather · 30/08/2022 10:30

DP works from home and I'm a SAHM. DP wears a headset for work and works in the bedroom with the door shut. We do not enter the bedroom when DP is working. DP has been fine with this, he says it's not much difference from the noise you get working in his city centre office (no baby crying obviously but still traffic noise, people talking and laughing etc).

I guess it depends if you can switch off and trust your partner to look after your child without running out every time you hear a cry to see what's going on.

edin16 · 30/08/2022 10:32

I did it for a while. I used to keep headphones on with some background study music on which helped me. There was a time when it used to upset DS if he could hear me and he would want to come in but after a while he started to understand what mummy going to work ment. The difficult thing was that I didn't want to leave the room and upset things going on outside so I could only leave if they went out/ he went for a nap

AquaticSewingMachine · 30/08/2022 10:33

I think it would be hard, tbh. The sound of the baby crying will scramble your brain. Especially if you breastfeed or were previously main carer, the instinct to wade in and take over can be strong but is unhelpful for everyone.

Tibtab · 30/08/2022 10:34

My husband started working from home in March 2020 due to Covid, just after we had our first baby. It’s been the norm for us now, and we’ve had another DD! It’s busy, it depends if you feel like you can concentrate at home with distractions.

Endlesslypatient82 · 30/08/2022 10:35

I take it this baby is hypothetical?

Because anyone who has or has had a baby knows that this would be bloody awful for all involved!

PinkDaffodil2 · 30/08/2022 10:35

My DH worked from home in our small flat throughout lockdown while I was home with baby - firstly on mat leave then working part time. He was on a pull out desk in our bedroom but it worked quite well. Depends a lot on the partner - presumably he’ll be out quite a lot and shouldn’t need support as such unless there’s an emergency?

PinkDaffodil2 · 30/08/2022 10:36

Also DH will be working mostly from home when we have our second next year, but it’s a bit different now as we got out of London and have a house!

Smogtopia · 30/08/2022 10:59

Depends on the baby - we've done this twice now. Baby one was so so demanding that my DH would feel too guilty hearing me rocking and shushing for hours every day that he would help (thus losing time at work) baby two is a dream so he's not distracted and doesn't feel 'guilty' taking a lunch break or going for a walk to break up his work day

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 30/08/2022 11:02

I did this during the pandemic. It was hard. Difficult to hear the baby cry an

findingsomeone · 30/08/2022 11:04

It's really hard. DH has DD home on a Monday when I WfH and she is 2 now. She still wants to see me and gets upset if I disappear off at times. Was so much worse when she was smaller.

She wouldn't have cared if it was DH working and me looking after her. But with it being me working, that's the big deal.

MoreTeaLessCoffee · 30/08/2022 11:04

Sorry posted too soon, and have to resist going to comfort her. Harder to leave her than it was on nursery days as I think she was more confused about where I was. It's possible but I'd advise them to get out and about as much as possible.

Stroopwaffle5000 · 30/08/2022 11:04

Depends on the baby. My first was very clingy with me so it would have been difficult if she'd have known I was in the house. Both my kids prefer me over their Dad when they're upset or want something. I'm like the default parent, they forget he exists when I'm there lol.

SD25 · 30/08/2022 11:06

Certainly doable but not ideal for all sorts of reasons, most of which mentioned above. I wouldn't want it to be the daily set up.

03X · 30/08/2022 11:13

It’s fine, get a desk in your bedroom away from them. I work in the living room (door closed).

NothingOriginal8 · 30/08/2022 11:17

My husband worked from home during the year I was on maternity and he found it fine. I don't think I could have done it though if the roles were reversed, especially while DC was tiny.
Also I wouldn't be helping your partner out with the baby while working, unless it was an absolute emergency. He would have to cope if you were physically away in an office so I would treat WFH the same.

SillyFruit · 30/08/2022 11:24

I think it depends on partner and child.

I wfh. A few times we had mil looking after the kids here while I was working. If the baby (13 months at the times) saw me. She'd want me. Would cry for me once she knew I was in the house. So i basically had to stay away in the office. Which was awful to ge honest. Had to wait till they were out of busy to run to the toilet or kitchen etc.

Jules912 · 30/08/2022 11:24

DH did the odd day when DC were babies and toddlers but it was hard as they didn't understand he was working. He shut the door and had noise cancelling headphones but still hard when one of them inevitably escaped and snuck into his office.
Now they're older and know they do go in when he's working ( or I am).

Mariposista · 30/08/2022 11:29

Go into the office. You will end up interfering, it’s only natural.

IceStationZebra · 30/08/2022 11:29

stackhead · 30/08/2022 10:23

It's difficult, I did it when DD was 6 months old and ended up having a build an office in the garden (in the garage actually) to get out of the house.

It was distracting when DD was upset (wanting to help), sad when DD was happy (wanting to join in) and unhelpful for my DH who felt like he was constantly being watched.

We did this when I first returned to work and it was mostly the same as this post 👆🏼

I was envious of them having fun and felt like I was hovering a bit. They were always out when I had some downtime and always needed my help when I was busy.

it was during lockdown so we coped, but I would not do it if I didn’t have to.

Twizbe · 30/08/2022 11:35

It's fine. I'm a SAHP and DH works from home full time.

Tbh we try to go out for a good few hours each day. DH can also ask me to go out if he has a big call and needs quiet.

You have to be disciplined though with not getting involved while you're working.

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