Cv opening personal statement help

[notmrscookie]

Currently looking to change to more admin /hr role .
My previous jobs are ta or care related

Slightly worried with below

An inquisitive professional with many years experience within many different settings. Looking for a new challenge to broaden my transferable and enhanced customer service skills gained from various admin support role.

Any suggestions welcome

Thanks in advance

Constructive feedback:
It's a bit to generic.
I think you should be more specific about the number of years you have worked, where you've worked etc. to demonstrate your breadth and scope of experience.
Not sure about "inquisitive" in the first sentence as it could be interpreted as nosy! Do you mean you have an enquiring mind, or that you look out for opportunities, or that you seek further knowledge, or that you are investigative, scrutinising, inquiring or even interpretive and highly perceptive?

When you say "professional" what qualification have you got?

Too many "with / within" words in the first sentence.

Looking for a new challenge - just no.
What have you got to offer them, what are these transferable and enhanced skills, what caught your eye about the advert / JD and excited you, what will they gain by giving you a job?

In short, what's your USP and why is it a match to the job.

@FawnDrench

Thanks for your feedback
I briefly chatted a few weeks ago to someone at the NCS, who advised to remove my years as I had over 20 plus
. I am 47 as that puts me into bracket that some employers don't like.

My issue is that I have always worked in care of some form so this is my non care cv so I was told not to keep referring back to care sector if that makes sense.
Is this any better

A professional with many years experiences within a number of different support service settings. Looking for an opportunity to redefine my transferable and enhanced customer service, office and administrative skills gained along with my ability to build positive relationships with others.

Yes your 2nd statement sounds fine.

Do you have to include one? Most CVs I see don't.

Does you job history below back up enhanced customer service etc?

@abovedecknotbelow

Enhanced customer service yes .I have many years customer services with adults, childrens , and adult and child with additional needs , carers and professional and outside professionals organisations.Along with end of life and have work with different communities and religions.Along with food service and order taking and a good amount of conflict resolution skills , complaint hand6 and problems solving skills.

A professional (give title of what you're a professional of) with (put number) of years experiences within a number of different (give sector) support service settings. Looking for an opportunity to redefine use my transferable and enhanced customer service, office and administrative skills gained along with my and ability to build positive relationships with others.

Something like that? Plus be sure to give examples in your covering letter.

It's waffle, you're not actually saying anything. Get a specific job advert. Note down 4 key points the job requires and write an example of your relevant skills/experience into your statement for each point.

@FawnDrench @Fortuny @GOODCAT @KittyCatsby @NotRainingToday @abovedecknotbelow

Thank you all I managed to get something together that must of worked as I had one interview and came close runner up and have another on monday for a high paying apprenticeship with a qualification at the end in an area I want to go to so fingers crossed.

Brilliant work! Well done, if you haven't asked already I try to request constructive feedback from interviews. Can be fairly generic, but I've had some really helpful points too.

@notmrscookie -
Great news!
I'm so pleased for you.