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I just had a proper row with my boss - and the door was open.

21 replies

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:19

I've never had a proper row with anybody at work before.

I am still furious. And he dismissed me by saying 'right you can go you've bored me now' and he also said 'what are you getting upset about' to which I replied I'm not getting upset... grrr

He wouldn't have spoken to me like that if he wasn't sleeping with me.

fuckwit.

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scatterbrain · 21/01/2008 15:23

You've lost me I'm afraid !!! Please explain !

Sparkletastic · 21/01/2008 15:24

Was it a foreplay kinda row ?

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:25

No it wasn't a foreplay row, it was a proper row about work and the fact that he has again undermined me in an important decision

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MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:27

I am furious but can't pick it up again as I don't want him to think that I am behaving differntly as I would towards anybody else.. but then... nobody else would have dismissed me without a resoloution.

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Carmenere · 21/01/2008 15:30

Oh dear this is the problem with those boundaries being slightly blurred. I presume he would never say the 'you can go now' thing if you weren't in a relationship. Were you over familiar in any way? I suspect that you need to redefine what is acceptable in the workplace.

Lauriefairycake · 21/01/2008 15:33

This is the hazard of shitting where you eat

Yes, he wouldn't have undermined you and you would have been able to tackle him about it if you weren't boffing him - some people (ie.him) clearly find it difficult to separate work and play and he finds it hard (oo-er!) to see you as professional you at work

This is not going to be easy to sort out but I would definitely make an appointment to see him at work or send him an email saying you think he's treating you differently because of your relationship.

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:34

no not over familiar but I expect that he thought it was personal because I might have raised my voice slightly. And very vocally aired my disgust at the decision he's made.

The difference is I know that I would have behaved that way no matter who had been my boss and I also know that he wouldn't have behaved the way he did towards anybody else.

Anyway he's sulking like a school boy (probably because he know's I'm right) and I'm too furios to go and smooth it over.

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MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:37

No, he didn't undermine me because of our relationship but consistantly with one person iykwim.. tells me to do one thing - come down hard on them etc and then when someone throws their toys out the pram he backs down which makes me look like a complete cunt quite frankly and errodes the confidence people have in me so reduces me influence over people I need to be able to influence.

nobber.

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Carmenere · 21/01/2008 15:45

Do you think he really does know that you are right? If so I would advise you to just leave it for now.
Does the other person know about your relationship?

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 15:55

Yes I think he knows I'm right as I gave him two specific examples. Which is when he went all quiet

No, nobody knows.. just the way the other person is (v. bolshy to say the least)

Haven't calmed down yet.

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MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 16:59

Do you know the more I think about it the more I want to tear his head off..

I can't remember the last time I felt so enraged!!!

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MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 19:19

I'm still furious

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VVVQV · 21/01/2008 19:27

I bet.

Is he coming over later? If he does, have a conversation as follows:

MOH "How was your day dear?"

Twat "eh?"

MOH "Let me tell you about mine. My arsehole of a boss really pissed me off today. Aside from the fact that he is undermining me wrt to x colleague, he spoke to me, door open, in a completely unprofessional manner. I am LIVID . How would you deal with the same situation my darling? I mean, if your boss was handing down instructions for you to pass on, and then going back on them regularly if bolshy colleague didnt like it. Because I could REALLY do with some advice on how to deal with this".

Maybe?

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 19:29

I wish vvvqv, could do with getting it off my chest lol.

I started a thread for you the other day to say thanks for recommending that book!

believe me our next conversation will be along those lines.

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VVVQV · 21/01/2008 19:33

oh did you??? will go look. Sorry!

MascaraOHara · 21/01/2008 19:35

don't worry - just wanted to say thanks lol

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VVVQV · 21/01/2008 19:46

No problem

flowerybeanbag · 21/01/2008 19:52

Mascara if I'm going to be honest it sounds like neither of you behaved especially professionally, but it sounds like he was worse, plus obviously as the boss the onus is on him to set the tone of the discussion and maintain professionalism.

You say nobody knows about your relationship. I would doubt that tbh, whatever impression you have got. These things are almost impossible to keep secret.

Don't I remember you looking for another job? If so, if this relationship is serious, I would advise you continue to do so. Even leaving aside what has happened today, even if utmost professionalism is maintained at all times (impossible), it is difficult and fraught with problems working so closely with someone you are in a relationship with.

I think you need to address that issue more long-term, how your relationship will work in the office, and, if it's serious, decide whether you think you can actually make it work while working so closely. I have never known anyone who has...

In the short term, obviously you need to deal with this immediate problem. I would advise having a conversation at work about that particular issue, say you did not think he behaved appropriately or professionally, apologise for your part in it, and sort that out. Then say you think you both need to have a more in depth conversation about how things are going to work, which is something you could do outside work.

Good luck, I hope you sort things out and I hope you have calmed down a bit as well

MascaraOHara · 22/01/2008 08:41

I think your right FBB.. And yes I'm looking for a new job and I can't wait to get out of here.

The thing that has frustrated me is that I know I would have been equally annoyed and frustrated regardless of whether it was him or someone else who had taken the decision. He however spoke to me and dimissed me in such a way that I know he wouldn't have done to anybody else.

I'm still absolutely seething this morning (as you can probably tell)

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MascaraOHara · 22/01/2008 08:44

you're

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MascaraOHara · 22/01/2008 13:44

Ok we had anothoer heated discussion. He is angry because I have questioned his integrity.

I am angry because he refuses to see my point of view.

I am so hacked off with this. I really want to leave.

Feel upset and angry now.

Asked him after if he was coming round this week and he said "I don't know yet" and looked at me as if I must be stupid to ask. I told him I could have a disagreement with my boss without taking it home to my lover. I feel like texting the stupid fuckwith saying "you're uninvited" but I think that would be irrational.

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