Does anyone take paternity leave from birth without mother?

[Duv]

Hi me (f) and my partner (m) are planning to start TTC soon and trying to figure out finances and parental leave. Both/either of us are willing to take time off work for Mat/Pat leave, we mostly want the figure out what will make sense financially for us, and it's looking very likely it would make sense for my partner to take most of the leave as he has greater parental leave entitlement and I have greater base salary.

But is this feasible? Has anyone got experience of the dad taking paternal leave from newborn stage to 6months/1 year? Do few week old babies really need their mothers full time for feeding? I read stories about men taking shared parental leave, often from around the 6 month mark, and I hear stories about men taking it with their partners (who has the finances for this!?) but very little about what it's like when the mum goes back to work almost straight away (is 6weeks or so).

Surely other couples end up in a situation where it's financially better for the man to take the parental leave?

I'm really pro shared leave, and obviously if finances are dire and you have no choice then yes go back to work at 6 weeks. But and its a big one, if there is anything you can do to have the first six months off then do it.
Firstly pregnancy and birth takes its toll you need to recover but secondly you can not underestimate the hormones that make you want to stay with your baby.

Lots of women in America go back at 6 weeks.

I worry about this. It's really hard to imagine how I will feel in those first month's. I know a lot of parents who really don't enjoy the really early phase but others who find it unthinkable to let someone else look after their baby.

But do dad's not find it really hard to go back to work too? It feels like there's an assumption that mums will be broken by leaving their kids at home at a only a few weeks old but surely it's the same for men?

Also both me and my partner wfh a lot so it's not like we'd be off to war and spending ages away from the baby.

My OH has a better entitlement than me but we're doing it so:
We're both off for four weeks once baby is here
Then I'll be off until baby is approx 9m (including 3m of SMP😷)
Then OH will be off for just over 3m on full pay while I go back to work

I don't think it is exactly the same for men. They haven't been through all the hormonal and physical changes that the woman has and don't have that same connection.

If you are hoping to breastfeed and not express or use formula then yes, your baby will need access to you full time for more than 6 weeks.
You can't guarantee how you will feel either, I had an episiotomy which got infected, and I could only just walk for 15 minutes by 6 weeks, but you could be doing a marathon a week after, there is no way to predict unfortunately!

I think you have to give your work a certain amount of notice in order to change your return date, but personally I would err on the side of caution and say 3 months for a first baby, that way you have time to recover and make a decision about delaying your return if you feel that is what you want. Have a look at the fourth trimester, you might feel that it is more important for you to have that extra bit of time than the extra bit of money.

If you can, I would try to push to 12 weeks instead of 6. 6 is possible, but it’s really pushing it physically. At 12 weeks you will very likely be in better shape.

I’ve been back both times after 8 weeks and it’s been fine. I continued to breastfeed but expressed at work.

Few points though:
Dad really needs to step up
Birth injury made going to the toilet in the office stressful
Breastfeeding meant I still did night feeds
Work were flexible first time and lessened my workload slightly. Second time, not so much. I was constantly chasing my tail

But I don’t regret it.