Struggling after returning to work after mental health sick leave

[ple]

I had around 2 months off of work due to anxiety and depression. I returned to work as I felt ready to and I was given such a slow, gradual return that it felt really feasible. I'm 5 weeks into my back to work plan and working 4 and a half days and I'm starting to really struggle again and I don't know what to do or say.

I have weekly calls with an occupational health advisor person my company referred me to, and it's helpful but most of the time the advice is to try breathing exercises and mindfulness, which did help me in my first few weeks but I feel like I'm struggling again and that's not enough.

I have weekly meetings with my manager and HR and they are keen to support me, and I have mentioned I have had some bad days in the last couple of weeks. They ask me how can they help support me and to be honest I don't have any idea what to ask for. My work has been really stripped back and simplified, a lot of things removed from my calendar and I'm still struggling. The anxiety hits me at weird times, and I don't really understand it. Today I was in the office and was able to chat to colleagues and go for lunch and from the outside I looked ok/normal. But I had to keep going to the loos as I kept feeling like I was going to cry, I just had this awful homesick feeling of wanting to go home and I started crying on the train home. I just feel awful again and I don't know why. I handed in my notice when I was off sick as I didn't think I could return, and now I feel like I need to hand in my notice again and tell my manager that the return to work isn't working out.

I hope someone with better advice than me will come along but just wanted to say I'm sorry you're going through this
One thing to mention is, are you getting counselling? I had some long term health issues last year and accessed a course of counselling through my work employee assistance programme. If you have access to similar that might be worth doing. I hope you feel better in due course and come out the other side.

Also in your situation I wouldn't hand my notice in. I was very close to doing so when I was at my lowest with but work convinced me otherwise and I'm so glad they did as now I'm back working and loving it. It's a decision that shouldn't be made when you are in a bad place.
Plus for me the thought of having to find a new job would have been more stressful than going through long term sick / return to work processes so I decided staying was the lesser of two evils and am very glad I did.

Thank you both.

I'm not currently receiving counselling, but I know that's an option provided by my employer's employee assistance programme - I'll give them a ring this week sometime.

I'm feeling a bit more clear-headed this evening. I've been struggling with work, I think this time off has knocked my confidence as I feel like I've lost all of my knowledge. I can tell the standard of my work has really decreased compared to before I was off sick.

I'm not sure how much to divulge to my manager and/or HR. I don't know when this will get to the point where I'm told to just get on with it, or when I'm told they can't make any further accommodations and I need to leave.

No problem, returning to work can be very difficult.

I would recommend being as honest as possible with the occupational health. Their job is to find a compromise / solution that is workable for the business and the employee- I found my OH invaluable in terms of getting the balance right.

I was lucky enough to go into a sideways / more junior role for a few months as I didn't have enough health capacity to do my original role (it was quite a full on stressful role) and it took me three - six months to work back up to it so that might be something to consider.

Sorry you’re struggling. Breathing exercises and mindfulness might not help if your anxiety/depression is down to trauma.

Have you had any counselling/help to dig into the reasons for your anxiety and depression? Do you have an idea of whether it’s situational (e.g. caused by present day stressors that will pass in time) or longer term? (e.g. maybe something you’ve always struggled with on and off and might be more rooted in traumatic or early childhood experiences).

Counselling - and especially trauma informed and somatic based (i.e. teaching you how to tolerate feeling your feelings in your body) - would probably help.

Returning to work is so hard please try and be kind to yourself. Take up the counselling. There will be ups and downs. Would something like being able to take a break every hour or so be feasible in your role? Listening to music through headphones?