How do you manage work (p/t) with 3 children, if at all?

[grannyslippers]

We have 2 dc's atm and am mulling over having 3rd. Thing is that DH thinks that with 3, there is no hope of going back to work even p/t. (I've not gone back yet!) Basically it would be goodbye career.

Is 3 that much more difficult than 2? I loved my job and should have opportunity to go back part-time. I can see there would be some nightmare years of multiple drop-offs/pickups from childminder/nursery/school until they are all at school, but would the logistics of life in general just be too much? I really want to convince myself we could do it but perhaps I'm just kidding myself. We do not have option of grandparents to babysit.

This is stressing me out which is why I'm on MN in the middle of the night.

if its stressing you out before you do it then i dont think you should do it - yes there is a big difference with every child.

I managed to work 15 hrs/week when youngest was 6-14 months old. This is how it worked for us.
I didn't earn enough for a nanny, and couldn't claim tax credits either (long story).
Had a childminder close to our house and school which was big help with logistics.
Financially, eldest was at school (that made a big difference). So I only had part-time after school/holiday club bills.
My job was flexi-hours so I could take time off at short notice for illness.
I was able to work at home 6 hours/week, which helped, too.
DH worked locally but my office was far away, so he was on-call if the children suddenly needed fetching from school or childminder.
DH did school drop-offs 2 mornings a week (he hated it).
I didn't like my job any more, anyway, by the time I quit completely, and I was glad to have less stress of juggling so many things. But I would have stayed in work if I loved the job, though.

With 3 children, having a nanny (part-time, or full-time) becomes more cost effective than using childminder/nursery, as a nanny's salary is not based on the number of children.

My employer (I am a nanny) went back to work almost 2.5 years ago, when 3rd child was then 11 months old. Plus point of a nanny is that they will often do some household tasks as well as the childcare, so you don't get quite so bogged down with the pile of washing that 3 or more children creates.

I work full-time with five children.

I gave up when I had my third, crucially because my salary would not have covered the cost of childcare - I was only taking home about £200 a month after paying childcare with the two children, so a third would have wiped me out.

As for stress, I think if your childcare arrangements are sound, then you won't have a lot to worry about. A childminder who does all the complicated taxiing would solve the problems you mention. You may have to put the foot down about after-school activities for your children - it may just be a step too far.

I have managed to resume my career, and I don't think I have lost out, despite having an eight-year break. It took a couple of years to gain recent experience, but now there's no looking back.

Ive got 2 and im planning a third at the end of the yr. If i have number 3 i will be going back to work exactly the same hours as i do now. I do 30 hrs which works out at either 3 or 4 days and there is no way i can reduce it.

Ive worked it out though with my shifts i would only need a nursery place one day a wk for 2 little ones which i could afford ok. Dp can change his times at work to some degree to help and i can work more weekends. No way could i afford to stay at home unless we made some dramatic changes to our lifestyle.Which i dont want to do.

I think it depends how much childcare you would need to be fair.I have stressed over this and it was a reason for not considering a 3rd but now ive come to the conclusion it would be possible.

I dont have grandparent help either.

It is possible to work with 3 DC's, but I think a large amount depends on how much you earn as to whether it is worth it. I have 3 DC's and work part time for DH. Logistically it's possible, but the house work has slipped since I started working.

3 DC's are more work than 2, whether you are going back ot work or not.

I gave up when I had my third, having worked part-time with the first two. I know plenty of people who still work p/t with 3 DC. They seem to have very complex after-school arrangements and rely on swaps with other parents in the same position. It depends on the individual children, some seem to thrive on being around other peoples houses. I know my DC would find this tiring and I think their behaviour would deteriorate at home, school etc. I think I would find all the juggling very stressful.

The flip-side of this is that going out to work can be a release from the drudgery and frustrations of being at home. The endless housework does get me down, although I try to get out everyday and now my youngest is going to a creche 2 mornings so I get sometime to myself.

I agree about their being lots more work with 3. The laundry pile is like Everest, and I am constantly shopping. It really helps to be at home all day to keep on top of all of that. Friends who still work seem to be ultra organised.

I have four and work part time but have two at school and dh at home to look after the two pre-schoolers. I gave up full-time work after having two as after paying childcare and trainfares I was left with £50 per month! Have since managed to work part-time once the littlest has reached six months (or in the case of ds2, three months), but only because I work very locally for three hour stretches therefore I can come back to feed ds2. And of course, dh doesn't work - obviously not an option for most! Once dh is well enough to work I can see me having to give up my job as we have no family to help out.

Yes it would be hard work to organise, but not impossible. Personally I would always go for kids over finance but realise that's not for everyone! If not having a third would make you feel very unhappy then it's worth trying to work out a solution.

I gave up too when I had my 3rd, and now she is 3 (4 in June) i have just gone back part time - 20 hours. The elder 2 boys are in schl and she will go in Sept. I don't think I could have done it before my middle boy went to schl (this sept just gone) as it would have been a lot of picking and dropping, but I was really ready for it this year - I just couldn't wait until my wee girl went f/t to schl!

I have dropped a good bit on my 'career' - not much of one tbh, but I think given time I can get it back. And it may have more to do with lack of roles up here than other issues.

To echo the others, hard , lots of juggling, but not impossibe probably. When did you want to go back? What ages did you envisage they would be?

I found with my 3rd that I was desperate to get back to work!!
The key here is to look at the long term, not the short term. I worked for nothing finanically for a year or so,(everything went on the nursery) when mine were really small, but as they began to go to school, and just needed before and after care, gradually I began to see some financial returns. Like you, I enjoy my work, and I was also aware that by staying in the workforce, I was putting myself in a better position long term for promotion. 10 years on, that's exactly what's happened. I'm a teacher, and I've seen some of my colleagues really struggle to get back to work having had several years out, so looking back, I'm confident i made the right decision.

Alfiesbabe makes a good point. Also, you need to look after your own mental and physical welfare in order to be a good parent (I am a great believer in this and if working will make you happier, even if not wealthier in the short term, then it's worth doing.

Loving your job makes it easier. If you are happy in what you are doing that relieves the stress. I think it is when you are doing all the juggling out of work to sustain a job you hate, that you begin to feel resentful and stressed.

If you are in a position to pay for a cleaner it would make things a lot simpler.

Go for number 3 Slippers!

Thanks! I have just remembered one of DH's cousins is a teacher and she manages by having a cleaner.

I'm in engineering, it's reasonably well paid, but not v. family friendly, so if I don't go back to previous employer after career break is up, I would be very unlikely to get a p/t job with a new firm.

I would be going back when the children were about 18m, 3.5 and 5 (so oldest at school and 2nd a term or 2 away from it). Would obviously be easier once DS2 at school too.

Those are really helpful comments thanks again girls. I guess the thing to do would be to give it a try, can always give notice if it turns out to be a nightmare.

grannyslippers, if you have an extra room, consider a live-in aupair - costs about £55 to 65 per week pocket money for 25 hours per week + 2 nights babysitting. They can help with the drop-off and pick up, light housework and just smooth your life over, especially you don't have grandparents or other backup. No solecharge for under 3s, great for schoolage children.

I have only 2, but boy do I need her. If you love your job, and lucky enough to be able to do it parttime, it is definitely worth hanging onto.

I could never entertain the idea of a live in au pair.Whats it like? Couldnt imagine a stranger(i know they wouldnt be after a bit) living with us. I hate it. And she would have to be ugly

We don't have room for a third child, let alone an au pair! Are considering dividing main bedroom to make 2 small ones! We have done sharing house with another adult before (student worker at church) and it did't work for us too well. thanks blueshoes though.

Suppose this is really part of the whole 2 vs 3 children debate.

It feels as if two are easy, controllable, comfortable and fit in with other commitments, but three is suddenly a huge all consuming family that will require fulltime SAHM-dom until they have left school. I'm sure it's really not that polarised but...

I guess I am quite lucky in that my aupair is not very in-your-face. If she is at home, she tends to spend her time in the living room, rather than in her own room. But we don't really notice. It is not like you have to make small talk. She might be on the laptop or watching TV with us.

Also, she is beginning to make friends and going out more. We hardly see her on weekends and some weekday nights.

It is great for dd 4. dd goes to the aupair's room to watch the aupair put on makeup and get ready to go out. And forces her to play Guess Who for hours! Ds 1 is so much calmer with her than with me.

grannyslippers, x-posts.

Consider a bigger age gap?

I have 3 and work part time.

It's a bloody nightmare . I'm very glad I'm only on a temporary contract and can stop soon-ish.

Mine are in junior school, pre school and I have a 16 mth old. Term time isn't so bad, as there is breakfast and after school club and I have a childminder. But childminder has just given notice (she's giving up childminding) and I have no parents to help, and DH is going away soon (in the military).

Termtime I only take home £35 a week after childcare, in the holidays I would be paying to go to work (just because they're at school doesn't help as they need all day care for half terms, holidays, teacher training days, sickness etc. That's a lot of weeks of the year).

I think if you have rock solid childcare and earn a damned good wage it's do-able, but otherwise it's a logistical and financial nightmare.

I find 3 very hard (2 seemed a doddle in comparison) but find part time work a massive salvation, it gets me away and makes me a better mother for having a little independance. My childcare is currently very reliable, however.

Logically I suppose, the jump from 1 to 2 children should seem harder because it's a 100% increase of children, whereas 2 to 3 children is a 50% increase!!
But i think it seems a lot harder because the adults are suddenly outnumbered! the family dynamics change more as there are suddenly a lot more different relationships going on! I agree with sparkly though - work was my salvation.

Sidge you have it hard! that's a lot to think about. DH works from home so I'd have a bit more flexible help there. Hope you find another CM soon.

I cant imagine how the jump from 2 to 3 is that bad! Id better stop reading, its putting me off! Blueshoes, i still cant imagine au pair sitting with us watching telly and even worse,her watching telly with dp while im at work! I just said that to him and he said it sounds great

I gave up work after the 3rd was born, but that is because I wanted to spend some time with them, not because of the logistics. I now work part time with 4 (went back when the 4th was 2). I don't have gp help either, but do have an au pair. the logistics are stressful - 2 at one school, another at a second school and my youngest at a different nursery. plus an au pair to do the school runs for the eldest 3 at the end of the day.

I coudln't afford to work if I had to pay for a nanny or even multiple nursery fees. unsurprisingly, I couldn't find a child minder who could do all of the school runs.

I would say that the logistics aren't impossible, but it is a huge juggling act while they are still young. You either have to love your job or be making a fair amount in order to justify the hassle ime. Alternatively your view may be that it is worth it in the long run in order to keep a career/pension etc.