Returned to work after sick leave due to poor mental health, starting to struggle again

[wednesdayswewearpink]

I had 2 months off due to poor mental health. Work has been really supportive and I've been on a phased return with reduced responsibilities. The aspect I've been struggling the most with is meetings with colleagues. I'm not sure why, I think it's a combination of feeling nervous about people seeing me back and wondering what they think about me being off for so long, and also seeing colleagues who started at the same time as me being ahead of me and I can just see how much progress and growth they have had whilst I've stalled. I'm fine in meetings with my manager/HR or meetings with a clear structure/agenda, but in the more open-ended meetings that are more chatty and informal I just close up and feel anxious.

Meetings with colleagues is a big part of my role and I'm concerned now that I've opened up to my manager and HR about it they will think I'm unsuitable for my job. I'm still on a phased return though and have made a lot of progress, so I'm not sure if this is just a temporary blip.

Does anyone have any advice?

What did your manager / HR say when you told them? It's a bit hard to comment without a context.

They sounded supportive and talked about me not attending meetings that I find I'm feeling anxious about, especially when they are ones not critical for my job. They also suggested more regular meetings with my manager to talk through upcoming meetings

Had a similar situation with one of my employees. What helped them was talking through the meeting beforehand and confirming that I’d be there and ready to step in if I thought they were struggling. It required a level of openness and trust but happy to say that it paid off ( did take probably 4-6 months) and they’re really back to being both productive and enjoying their work. Good managers genuinely will want to help you work on this, it can happen to anybody

Would it help if you were assigned a role in the meetings, e.g. note taking, or presenting something? Or would that feel more stressful?

What are these meetings mean to achieve? If they're not useful, don't go. If they are useful, then perhaps just make clear your goal for the meeting e.g. to make a point about X, to learn more about Y etc, then as long as you achieve that then you're winning.

Or perhaps you could make it clear to colleagues you're just there in listening mode to learn and familiarise yourself with the meeting format? Once you've been to a few more, you'll feel more able to speak up.