I got a better job (am a medic) than I thought I was capable of and I am absolutely petrified

[mylittlepudding]

I have been out of medicine over a year. Yesterday I got offered a LAT (for those who know what that means, for those who don't, a proper medical training job) in my specialty for February to August. It's at the seniority I left at, which I never expected to manage.

I have been a SAHM for over a year. I love my dd to bits. She is the light of my life. But I really missed my job.

I am terrified. That I won't know what to do. What to prescribe. How to operate. That I will miss my dd far more than I ever missed medicine.

My mother and my PILs think I shouldn't go back. That I won't cope.

I am petrified that I won't, that I will let myself, my dd, my bosses, my patients down. I don't know if I can do this. Anyone 'been there done that' who can offer some advice.

You'll be fine! It's not surprising you're going to be feeling a little nervous - maternity leave is lengthy these days, and I know if I'd taken this long off with my dcs, I'd have probably found it harder to go back. But it's clear that you miss your profession, and you know that you need to have an identity other than being a mother. Getting back to work won't mean you love your dd any less! You'll love her every bit as much, you'll probably enjoy the time you spend with her even more, and you'll have the satisfaction of knowing you're doing a really worthwhile job as well.

wow had no idea DR and tipex are medics!!
FWIW you will be fine, remember the BNF is your bes friend, ask, ask, ask if you're not sure, stuff a good basic book into your bag for when you just need to quickly check something silly or google. I've had more than one lot of mat leave and it takes a few weeks before you stop checking, but you do!!
I take it you're in O&G, I'm sure they'll be keeping an eye on you....
Have you got childcare sorted?
Find a good course in your area and try that.
Good luck!

I wonder if Dottydot is in my deanery?!!

Dotty I don't envy you your job right now, it's all up shit creak I think.
One of my collegues has been completely stuffed can't even apply for a job and no one can tell him what he can do

I don't envy anyone in the world of postgrad education at the moment... I'm working 60+ hours a week and I'm not even a doctor! It's really tough at the moment and very hard to keep up with all the changes.

Mattersnot - don't know your colleague's situation but if you wanted to e-mail me I'm: lakinson dot house at ntlworld dot com. I'm a business manager and have been at my Deanery for a few years so might be able to help??

am in similar situation so good to hear all these wise words. am a GP, keep putting off going back - love the job and the patients but my brain is so woolly from chronic sleep deprivation. also terrified about leaving ds with someone other than me.

such a difficult world we live in - we fought for years to get equality in the workplace, and now not sure if i want it!
its a funny old thing having a baby - the most wonderful natural thing in the world, on one hand you feel you can cope with anything on the other your confidence in situations outside of baby is dented (eg dinnerparty chat with childless couples!)
sorry for thread hijack but is great to hear others responses to original post so thanks MN!

I love seeing GPs who are mothers when I go in with sick children. I feel their empathy at the consulting room door.

Me too Eliza! In the practice we used to go to before we moved house, all the doctors were Mums! It was lovely! My new GP is very nice and very good but it's not the same. luvaduck, the first day I went back to work after having ds1 I felt like I was giving him up for adoption! But we survived to tell the tale and I'm still working 4 days a week and expecting my 4th! The way I see it is, life is a bit mad now and it can be difficult juggling family life with work but the career will still be there after the children have left home so it does no harm at all to keep the foot in the door.

luvaduck - fantastic post, totally sums up that inner conflict. I felt SO empowered after giving birth - in one sense feeling 'If I can do that, I can do anything!!' yet at the same time feeling that somehow I was now vulnerable and flaky! But as far as work is concerned, I would honestly say Go for it! The reality is nowhere near as bad as the thinking about it. You'll worry like hell about leaving your dc, but you'll find suitable arrangements, get on with it, and within a week or two you'll wonder what all the fuss was about!
chipmonkey also gives wise advice - yes, the career will still be there when the children leave home, or indeed, when the children reach school age and really don't want you around all the time! Wonderful though our dcs are, in many ways I think one of the most important gifts we can give them is the knowledge that we have lives of our own too. If we want them to grow up with aspirations, the best way to do it is to show that we have them too.

Just to say - yes of course you have to get your childcare absolutely right. I paid through the nose and when I had 2 preschoolers, took home almost nothing. Only if you're sure about that can you forget about them (nearly) all day while you do your job!

MLP I started a new job quite recently. Although I am in a different field, there is a degree of similarity. Six months in and I am still terrified that someone will find me out to be entirely not up to the job, but they haven't done so far, and you know what? It's kind of exhilarating.

Quattrocento!

Thank you so much, for such supportive and wise words. luvaduck you expressed the confusion so well. I really don't know what I want any more! All the 'identity' kind of stuff is so confusing. But maybe dd will be less confused about who she is, if she has a mum who has worked out who she is.

I am going to arrange some days sitting in in advance - thank you for that idea, I am sure it will make a real difference.

I have waded into this thread abit late but wanted to say I found it really helpful-I'm a GP with an 8mth old DD and am really not looking forward to returning to work-I know I have to at some point, if only to make sure my confidence doesn't completely die, and I'll probably do the odd locum to start with. It is good to hear of others in similar situations...good luck to all!