*trigger warning* Time off after family suicide

[PurplePrecipitation]

This might sound harsh but I want to present this factually so I can get advice.

Mum had a breakdown a few months ago. Went missing for a few days (police appeals on social media etc), then was found. Getting back home she then took an overdose. In hospital a week came back home.

Went missing again. Was found again, but This time Went home and committed suicide.

During the first time I took 2 weeks off work as stress (sick leave)

I've now had 3 days compassionate leave, and 2 days annual leave. I've asked to use more annual leave - at least until a few days after the funeral (so about 2 weeks) and work have been quite reluctant pointing out I've already had 2 weeks off in the last 2 months.

I appreciate procedure is 4 weeks notice for annual leave, but surely its not unreasonable to waive that given I'm trying to come to terms with mum's death and the circumstances around it?

My head is all over the place so not sure if this is an unreasonable request given the 2 weeks sick leave I had last month.

I think you would be entirely reasonable to ask the GP for sick leave for as long as you need it. Work will still be there when you get back 💐

I agree with @loubieloo4 , this is a situation where sick leave is entirely reasonable.
Im very sorry for your loss.

It's not unreasonable in the circumstances.

Go straight to your GP and get signed off if work are being inflexible.

Sorry for your loss OP.

I'm worried further sick leave will trigger a disciplinary (I was off with covid last October so will be 3 periods in 12 months)
I also won't get paid for it.
I feel so callous to even worry about money right now but I do

If they won't give you more compassionate leave then definitely get signed off sick again.

I'm so sorry that this has happened, and also sorry that your work is treating you so badly.

I’m sorry for your loss OP.
It’s shocking that they’re not giving you compassionate leave, even worse that they won’t even let you take annual leave.

Agree with others, get your GP to sign you off sick with stress.

HR here. Covid shouldn't be being used in calculation around sick leave so don't worry about that. Your company might be concerned that you'll use up all of your annual leave which will then put additional stress on you later on.

Your gp will sign you off if you speak to them.

Please don't worry about a disciplinary when you get back, it will just be normal procedure. They won't sack you.

I’m so sorry for your loss.

I think it would be a good idea to visit the GP and be signed off. There’s no way you should be expected to work after losing your mother in such a terrible way. And when you are up to it, I hope you will find a better and more human employer.

Could you please provide the law to support not using Covid as part of absence management processes? Because whilst some employers had policy to this effect, I was not aware that it was law.

I don't agree with the employers position, but equally I think it's not entirely unreasonable. If this were my employee I'd want to find a compromise if what they wanted wasn't possible to agree. But sympathy (which we can all have) doesn't get the job done, and getting the job done is the employers priority.

To be clear, the OP doesn't want to be off sick because they don't get paid for sickness- I assume they get SSP only, which isn't enough to live on. They have already taken 2 weeks sick leave, and some annual leave ( and everyone wants annual leave at this time of year) and have also had 3 days compassionate leave.

It would be fab if every employer offered loads of paid sick leave, etc., etc. But this isn't the life the OP has. I'd like every employer to offer fantastic terms. But that isn't the reality.

OP I am so sorry for your trials and your loss. You really need to do what you need to do for you. Your mum has gone past her problems, and she wouldn't want you to do anything more for her. There is nothing more you can do. So decide what you need, and let the chips fall where they will. You look after yourself, no matter the consequences. But make it about you, not about your mum. You can't help her now. Be proud of what you did when you could. You loved her. She loved you. Draw strength from that.

And when you feel stronger, maybe try to find a better employer? Or one better positioned to give better terms? There are some out there. But to be balanced about this, I have relatively good terms with excellent sick pay - and despite being disabled (so having higher trigger points), I'd be in managing absence processes with your record too.

Go to the docs and get signed off. Am so sorry for what's happened.

@Jalisco
"Could you please provide the law to support not using Covid as part of absence management processes? Because whilst some employers had policy to this effect, I was not aware that it was law. "

Who said it was the law? I certainly didn't. Your post came across quite inflammatory. Not sure if that was how you intended it to be.

If an employee is required to self isolate or stay away by the business due to their risk assessments then I wouldn't be including it. That is best practice currently. There are still businesses which do require self isolation (care homes etc) despite it not being a more general legal requirement. If there is no need for an employee to stay away from work due to Covid and they are absent due to generally being unwell then I would include it in the absence recording.

Urgh. Posted too soon

Sorry OP but the employer already offered the 3 days of compassionate leave. If you need further time off then you need to follow the absence policy and call in sick