About to give up on dream job

Mimimayhem18 · 2022-07-25T18:46:30+00:00

Complicated one, but I will do my best to explain without outing myself. I have been internally offered my dream job at work, the pay and hours are fantastic and it's something I will really enjoy doing-something I think I will be good at. However I will be sharing the role with another colleague, the company has become so big and the workload so heavy that they have decided to split the role out. We have no cross over, we have been given separate areas of the business to oversee- neither of us is in charge of the other but we have the same manager. Ever since it was announced she has been giving me the cold shoulder, there is a noticeable atmosphere in our office and I am met with passive aggressive behaviour every day. I feel isolated and excluded but most of all I feel bewildered about why this is happening! Before this I would have said we were friends if only in a work sense, my having such a good relationship with her is one of the reasons I took the job. It's also one of the reasons I was offered it, they thought I was a good fit. I'm starting officially in 2 weeks and I just want to run! It should be such a happy time and I just feel it's all been ruined. Any advice? Quit, complain, suck it up and hope for the best?

WineIsAFruitRight · 25/07/2022 19:51

Have you tried speaking to her? I'd try an informal sit down over a coffee as a starting point and just say you've felt a bit of an atmosphere. Is there something going on which you can talk over and clear the air about? I'd definitely not give up on your dream job so easily. I appreciate it's tough but sadly there will always be conflict at work and the best thing to do is to try to address is now and find a way to work past it.

Inklingpot · 25/07/2022 20:14

This is a really tricky one. I was in a similar position though it wasn’t my dream job. They had effectively split a job into two areas then employed me and AN Other to do them.

It was incredibly frustrating because my counterpart often failed to share information and despite me trying to work with her so that we were presenting the same approach, she would agree then just go off and do her own thing. It just became embarrassing and impossible to work with - to the point of her refusing to adopt a universal style for monthly presentations and reports and tacking her slides/spreadsheets onto mine so they looked different and showed data in different ways.

I think the only thing you can do is try and talk to her and see if you can agree to collaborate but she clearly has some issue with the situation. If you can get her to tell you what that is then at least you have a starting point.

Original poster

Mimimayhem18 · 25/07/2022 20:57

Inklingpot · 25/07/2022 20:14

This is a really tricky one. I was in a similar position though it wasn’t my dream job. They had effectively split a job into two areas then employed me and AN Other to do them.

It was incredibly frustrating because my counterpart often failed to share information and despite me trying to work with her so that we were presenting the same approach, she would agree then just go off and do her own thing. It just became embarrassing and impossible to work with - to the point of her refusing to adopt a universal style for monthly presentations and reports and tacking her slides/spreadsheets onto mine so they looked different and showed data in different ways.

I think the only thing you can do is try and talk to her and see if you can agree to collaborate but she clearly has some issue with the situation. If you can get her to tell you what that is then at least you have a starting point.

This is exactly how it's headed, a refusal to collaborate. I feel like a failure before I have even started.

OP posts:

Reluctantadult · 25/07/2022 20:59

You've got to talk to the other person, see what's going on. Ask them if they want to go for a coffee.

Original poster

Mimimayhem18 · 25/07/2022 21:01

WineIsAFruitRight · 25/07/2022 19:51

Have you tried speaking to her? I'd try an informal sit down over a coffee as a starting point and just say you've felt a bit of an atmosphere. Is there something going on which you can talk over and clear the air about? I'd definitely not give up on your dream job so easily. I appreciate it's tough but sadly there will always be conflict at work and the best thing to do is to try to address is now and find a way to work past it.

I have tried speaking to her and she denied having any issues with it, forced niceties for a few days and then back to the same again. I'm at a loss, before this I would have told you what a nice person she was to work with.

OP posts:

takeitandleaveit · 25/07/2022 21:02

Perhaps look at things another way for a moment and put yourself in her shoes. She's effectively having some of her job taken away and given to somebody else. Some of it might be stuff she particularly enjoys. She might be very unhappy with what management has done. They may well have been crass and tactless in the way they have handled things.

Original poster

Mimimayhem18 · 25/07/2022 21:23

takeitandleaveit · 25/07/2022 21:02

Perhaps look at things another way for a moment and put yourself in her shoes. She's effectively having some of her job taken away and given to somebody else. Some of it might be stuff she particularly enjoys. She might be very unhappy with what management has done. They may well have been crass and tactless in the way they have handled things.

You are right, it is possible that is what has happened but it's being taken out on me which I don't think is particularly fair.

OP posts:

ClivePowermax · 25/07/2022 21:26

Time to start keeping a log of all the incidents and the times you've tried to discuss it. It may not ever be used or needed in the future depending on how it pans out or what you decide to do, but might be useful to have if things escalate because this situation will become obvious to other people eventually and they'll be looking to see who's at fault. Protect yourself.

Inklingpot · 25/07/2022 21:30

Mimimayhem18 · 25/07/2022 21:01

I have tried speaking to her and she denied having any issues with it, forced niceties for a few days and then back to the same again. I'm at a loss, before this I would have told you what a nice person she was to work with.

Show quote history

I had pretty much the same issue. My counterpart was from India and had only just come to the UK. I thought we got on well and understood each other but in retrospect, I think she was ‘agreeing’ with me out of politeness but then asserting herself by doing the exact opposite. I wouldn’t have minded but I was aware of cultural differences and tried to collaborate rather than make her feel I was dictating but it didn’t work.

Can you talk to her outside of work at all?

WaveyHair · 25/07/2022 21:30

Speak to your manager and see if they can explain the situation or adjust it somehow so both of you are happy. But a refusal to collaborate on her part will (should) come back at her... Better to highlight the issue now whilst it is an annoyance before it grows into a major issue.

alwaysmovingforwards · 25/07/2022 21:40

Confront the issue.
No way would I let someone else be the reason I wasted away from a dream job.

alwaysmovingforwards · 25/07/2022 21:40

The only person who ruins shit for me, is me! lol