Work guilt

[Zee33]

Hi all, fairly new here. Just want a few opinions really.

I've been on and off with sick leave since my father passed in Feb (we were very close and it was out of the blue). I also had an ectopic back last year and am currently 8.5 months pregnant with my first. A lot of trauma and fear surrounding loss now.

My mental and physical health has struggled greatly because of these things and while I am seeking help for anxiety and depression, feel like I'm not ready to go back to work yet. The thought fills me with sickness and dread most days.

I feel so bad for letting work down and it's getting to the point where every 'wellbeing' meeting I have with them results in them trying to put words in my mouth along the lines of 'I no longer feel like this job is for me' etc. Genuinely feel like they're trying to rid me so they don't have to pay sick or maternity leave.

Should I be feeling guilty for taking this time to heal? I was brought up on the rather unhealthy mindset of 'unless you're in hospital you can work'.

Be careful not to make assumptions about work, this may be your reading of it. At 8.5 months they are committed to paying SMP anyway. They are also obliged to start maternity leave and SMP if you are sick 4 weeks before your due date.

As you are 8.5 months pregnant I assume your SMP has started, so don’t feel guilty as you are entitled to you maternity leave. You can’t do anything about your past sick absence but are getting help for the future.

I would say to work, look I’m on maternity leave and want to focus on my pregnancy and baby. I don’t know how I will feel in 12 months time (max maternity leave period) and do not want to think about or to make any decisions about work until the first quarter of 2023 at the earliest. I appreciate you need to have the well being meetings whilst I am at work/off sick but I am now on maternity leave so please can we suspend them until I return to work.I am finding the meetings extremely stressful and they are not helping me at this time.

Your work should keep in touch (KIT) with you but that is not the same as these well-being meetings. I would say you will contact them once you have had the baby, you need to do this anyway. You can then agree a KIT meeting for later in the year.

I think you need to kick this into the long grass. You are about to go into maternity leave, forget about work for now and focus on that. You don’t need to waste your energy worrying about work right now, deal with it in a year or so or whatever.

Just go on maternity leave now.

then you can re-consider in 10 months.

Thank you for your responses...you're all right. Problem is I'm such a people pleaser and the thought of annoying or inconveniencing anyone brings on anxiety 🤦🏻‍♀️

But you are right, time to focus on birth and baby. Time to stop worrying so much over everything and just focus on the now.