Is this a fair request

[itsthesoundofthepolice]

I've had to apply for special leave to allow me to take my dad in to hospital which has been rejected and I've been told I can have my day "modified" instead.

Hospital is over an hour away. I'm due in 7-4 and been told to "just drop him off early" and I can start late. I work in a high pressure environment and honestly don't think I'll be able to concentrate, not to mention my mum will be left on her own. I had asked for leave the day of his op and the day he comes home which will likely be 3 days later when I'm 2-midnight and just been told I can leave to collect him and drop him home then come back in.

Am I being ridiculous to ask and expect special leave?

Can’t you just take normal leave?

I think it sounds reasonable, but I know lots of employers wouldn't see it that way. Can you take it as unpaid leave? Does it say anywhere in your contract about compassionate leave days?

It’s hard to answer this without knowing what kind of work it is, and the impact on the rest of the team (or clients / service users / patients / children) of being a person down. Based on what you’ve written, they are offering you a partial day off on both the days you need. I appreciate you don’t often get lots of notice of operation dates, but if this is short notice, it might be your employer is doing the best they can in terms of flexibility.

(I would think differently if it turned out you work in a low pressure quiet role and / or this is a very major operation or your dad is usually a carer for your mum, or something.)

We wouldn't give more than a few hours special leave unless you were the carer. You'd be expected to take annual leave if you wanted full days.

Forgot to include in original post.

I can't take normal annual leave as that's over prescribed 8 off when there should only be 6. There's huge sickness with 10 off. Me being off won't take us below minimum staffing though and someone had 2 days special leave after their cat died which is what is grating the most.

Whilst it's not a major op he'll be laid up for about a week with a lot of recovery time at home too-around 12weeks. My mum is a compete stress head and will probably need babysat for the day.

I work in the public sector and there is special leave entitlement for this very thing due to working shifts

I also work in the public sector and we definitely wouldn't give you special leave to babysit your mother. As I said - unless you are a carer you wouldn't get anything more than (possibly) a few hours to pick up or drop off if there was no other way of dealing with it. You would have to take annual leave. If you could make a case for a dispensation on the number of people taking leave and show that the work could be covered without you, we would consider your case. But not special leave for a routine hospital operation and babysitting your mother.

How old are your parents?

I think they are being very generous too.
People have operations all the time (or other things people might 'like' to accompany family members to). Employees would be off all the time if employers were expected to allow this.
He isn't even going to be on his own - his wife is with him.

As someone else said, it does depend on the role you do, in terms of if there is any flexibility - some people can choose the hours they work more easily than others, but it sounds like you need to be there, so it sound generous of your manager to allow you to take some hours / come late.

I don't think it's possible for strangers on the net to comment on the fairness of the decision without knowing how serious the op is, the age of your parents, how often you are absent or request special leave, how the dept will be impacted etc.

Point taken i maybe an asking for a bit much, to answer a couple of questions:

I'm rarely off work unless I'm really too sick to be in, don't have kids so no family care days, and no previous special leave in 20yrs.
He's 75, op is relatively serious and not elective. No other family available to take him and mum doesn't drive. Has to isolate so can't use public transport.

I eventually found the special leave guidelines (it's pretty well hidden away), this request does meet the criteria and is used as an example request so it "should" be granted but i was told verbally it probably won't be as we're "short staffed". Staffing is not at bare minimum numbers (3above that)
Other colleagues have had special leave authorised to take/collect husband to/from airport(2 days) , their cat died(2days) and to take their child on a school trip(1day)

It's definitely a place where favourites get priority treatment and I'm one of the quieter ones that just gets on with things and ignores the drama, of which there is a lot

It went from "not major" to "serious" as an op - which is it? Because that would factor in to any decisions that we would want to make.

I think you will find that the criteria for special leave also says it is discretionary, not automatic.

You are approaching this poorly. What other people have had, how much sick leave you have taken and the fact you have no children, etc., etc., are all entirely irrelevant. Leave is not given based on your tally sheets. You need to demonstrate a case - show your manager how the service is covered, and why you are needed. But honestly, if you come across in the way you have here, it isn't any wonder they haven't agreed it, because arguing that you need to babysit your mother, or it isn't fair because someone else had leave due to their cat dying isn't a case that, as a manager, I would have agreed either. "Fair" ran out as a good excuse for anything at about the age of 12. You need to show your employers how you can make this work, why they should agree and how your request solves their need or doesn't seriously upset their plans.

Wow ok. I've merely approached my employer asking about special leave explained why I need it and been told no, you can have an hour or so off etc etc and that's been the end of the conversation with them.
I've not demanded anything, gone on about being fair or brought up colleagues I've certainly not responded poorly to them I have merely thought, to myself, it's slightly unjust. Me not being there will not stop a job being done or "upset their plans" there are minimum staffing number that we are not under.
I asked a question and was given a reply. I will do as I'm asked of course. I asked here for opinions and take answers on board.

They are giving you the time off that you need to take him- I don't really understand why you would need full days?

But you actually did do ALL those things - here! I didn't say that you demanded anything, but you did go on and on about your colleagues, it not being fair, that there was favouritism, etc.etc. You have been given advice that those things are not legitimate reasons to put to your employer, and what might hold more sway in constructing a case to put. Since these things were all things that you focussed on here, instead of a reasoned argument, it is fair of people to assume that these are your arguments. And to then respond to those things that you have said. How are we to know that this wasn't all what you have said to the employer, or even that you don't fly off the handle with them too when you don't hear what you want to hear?

You need to make a formal request, follow the procedure in the policy and quote the example. Acknowledge they already have x amount of people off but that is not the maximum permitted.

Going into hospital - I know it will be hard for your Mum and you, but ask for 1/2 a day’s special leave or annual leave.

Coming home - ask for the full day’s special leave or 1/2 day SL + 1/2 days annual leave. Explain the hospital can’t confirm what time he will be discharged and you will have to wait until he is discharged. Also explain that he will need settling in at home including getting medication, equipment etc.