Toxic Boss PTSD? - advice please

[YMK2]

Has anyone else experience this? Sorry long post!

A few years ago I was in a job I really loved, with colleagues I loved. Our boss was a vile, narcissistic bully and we all seemed to ‘take turns’ to be in the dog house with her. My role was changed drastically with no consultation, and I couldn’t cope with it and became ill with stress, anxiety and depression.

The crux of it wasn’t just the role though, it was the way I was treated by her and how my health and well-being was totally dismissed when I told her I was mentally unwell. I was subjected to harassment and bullying instead of kindness and compassion and it all ended really badly.

I’ve since had a variety of other jobs, but I’ve found that when I’m working for female line managers, if they start displaying any similar behavioural traits or speaking to me in the same tone and manner as my evil boss did, it panics me and I start looking to seek a different job.

When employers tell me I’m doing a really great job I have a very hard time believing them. I know I am very capable and able, great at problem solving, calm and friendly natured. I have a lot to offer in the workplace, but my confidence and trust is still debilitated from this terrible experience.

I’ve had medication, counselling, CBT and talking therapy. My health is more important to me than any job, but I could do with more resilience to cope better when my line manager probably isn’t intentionally wording things in the way that I interpret it because of a really traumatic time in the past.

@YMK2 ive been through this, my line manager used me as a scapegoat for something that she didn’t want to be responsible for.

She was like Jekyll and Hyde though and kissed up above and kicked down which caused an extremely toxic environment with no support from anyone above her.

I think people underestimate how much things like this can damage your mental health, considering how long we spend at work it can be very damaging.

Do you think maybe you need more specialised counselling? I think I need something like this so will be interested to see what advice others can give.

The only thing that helps me is to know that it’s something about her and I can see she’s now replaced me with another scapegoat just as I have left. Sending you a virtual hug.

I had a boss like this too and it was awful. Bullying, chaos, shouting - I complained to HR and he put me on a performance plan in response which was mortifying, beyond the usual constructive criticism I'd never had to deal with any kind of performance-related issues in my job before (and I'd been doing it 15 years!) After I left for a couple of years I felt constantly on-edge with my seniors, waiting to be belittled, or shouted at, or have to defend myself against baseless accusations and criticism. I still have issues now with confidence and imposter syndrome in my job but it's getting much better. I think the thing that made a big difference was to look for a role within a small company that prioritised culture and openness - I (almost!) now see my boss as a friend and an equal, and he makes a real effort to ensure our office is a pleasant place to be.

Hope this gets better for you - it's so awful to have these residual feelings and is just as damaging as it would be in a dysfunctional/abusive relationship.

Thank you. I am really sorry you’ve experienced this too. It is very damaging and destroys your trust in other managers.

You’re not alone @YMK2

Thank you. Although I wouldn’t wish my experience on anyone else.

Sorry you are still suffering. I had a toxic boss who was hideous to work for. Hopefully in time you will heal 💐