Active discussions

Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Talk
Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Original poster

Job Offer - pregnant

24 replies

Notthatbusy · 01/07/2022 10:04

Hi,

I have a dilemma. I verbally accepted a job offer when, unbeknown to me, I was just pregnant. I have now received the contract and am debating about whether or not to turn the job down because I just can't face the stress of telling them that I will go on mat leave about 6 months after starting. (I'll start when I'm around 12 weeks).

Financially, I would barely be any worse off because I only get SMP in my current role and this new role is much better paid so I would accrue a good chunk of savings from my new salary before mat leave (and would claim Maternity Allowance).

This is a really great opportunity for me and is quite senior. I worry that telling them I'm pregnant immediately when I start will result in them trying to manage me out during my 6 probation period or create bad feeling amongst the small team about the 'chaos' I'm causing. I'm worried about how this will look on my CV if the worst case scenario does happen. I'm also a bit concerned about feeling huge pressure to prove myself during pregnancy - this is my second one so I understand that it may not be smooth sailing.

My gut feeling is to tell them I won't be taking it and stay where I am. Either way I'm going to annoy them....

Any thoughts?

OP posts:
CRbear · 01/07/2022 10:06

You should 100% take the job! If they treat you badly then you’ll take them to the cleaners. Pregnancy should not be a reason not to progress in your career.

Swimmingpoolsally · 01/07/2022 10:08

Honestly, I’d just have the conversation, I’d say look I’ve just found out I am early pregant, I was not aware when I verbally accepted. If you prefer me to decline the role I am happy to do so, as I understand the issues it may cause. Just be open and honest.

Gazelda · 01/07/2022 10:09

Rather than decline it outright, why not phone the line manager or HR and explain?

They'll obviously tell you it'll be ok, but you'll get a feel from their tone whether they're the type of employer who will value your skills enough not to allow things to be difficult for you. And maybe you were head and shoulders above the other candidates so they'll work with your mat leave rather than re-start the recruitment process and hope they find someone equally fabulous as you!

Original poster
Notthatbusy · 01/07/2022 10:10

@Swimmingpoolsally - that's really what I want to do. Selfishly that would assuage my guilt and give them a 'get out' clause. But I worry that they would feel obliged to say that its fine/wouldn't want to give any rise to any suggestion of discrimination anyway?

I know @CRbear 's advice would be the true feminist path but just worry about having to work in a really awful atmosphere....

OP posts:
piratehugs · 01/07/2022 10:10

My goodness! Take the job! Congratulations on both counts. Happy days.

MissSmiley · 01/07/2022 10:12

Take the job, how far along are you? Anything could happen. You could easily have also started when 12w and not known at the time. Congratulations on your new job

ReeseWitherfork · 01/07/2022 10:12

I did this last year. Accepted the job, found out two weeks later than I was pregnant, would have been 12 weeks when I started.

I phoned my new boss and explained. Basically said that I knew I couldn’t be discriminated against but wanted to discuss the logistics - would I be causing my immediate colleagues much stress etc / would there be an issue with continuity of work… but essentially I was gauging the reaction. Because even if the job offer couldn’t be rescinded, you can tell if something has gone down like a lead balloon and whether you’ll be treated like crap because of it.

It turned out absolutely fine!! Apparently I was still the right person for the job. Turned out I was pregnant with twins, involved going off even earlier and lots of hospital appointments along the way. I’m sitting here now rocking the twins to sleep and my new boss text me yesterday checking in to see how I was getting on.

(Oh and I struggled with proving myself. Not sure I was useful in those five months but I tried my best!)

ReeseWitherfork · 01/07/2022 10:13

Oh and congrats on both accounts OP!

onlyhalfagreenegg · 01/07/2022 10:15

Take the job - it's your right. Sure it will be a pain in the ass for them to find cover but good employees are hard to come by at the moment...they'll have to think about the long-term benefits for the company.

Original poster
Notthatbusy · 01/07/2022 10:15

Thanks everyone! I'm 6 weeks so fully aware it could all go wrong.

I'm leaning towards doing exactly what you said about explaining @ReeseWitherfork . I'm just not someone who could cope with what you said about causing colleagues stress.

OP posts:
prinnycessa · 01/07/2022 10:16

Agree with @Swimmingpoolsally

Idontevenknow · 01/07/2022 10:18

I would feel the same as you. They will obviously tell you its fine but realistically I would contact them or go in in person to tell them, and gauge their reaction.

Original poster
Notthatbusy · 01/07/2022 10:27

Thanks. My husband feels it wrong to be apologetic about it but I know what a pain it will be for them. They think they've sorted the recruitment issue and then I drop this bombshell!

OP posts:
ReeseWitherfork · 01/07/2022 11:36

Notthatbusy · 01/07/2022 10:27

Thanks. My husband feels it wrong to be apologetic about it but I know what a pain it will be for them. They think they've sorted the recruitment issue and then I drop this bombshell!

My husband didn’t get it at all. He couldn’t see what the problem was. I think as women we just know how badly pregnant women are treated sometimes.

ChateauMargaux · 01/07/2022 11:41

As SwimmingPoolSally said... tell them before signing the contract and maybe give them a heads up if you think you will come back to work within a year.. remind them that you are a good long term hire and excited for your future in their company.

Aprilx · 02/07/2022 08:18

You need to change your mindset on it. If you were a man that had just found out your wife is pregnant you wouldn’t be wondering do you need to speak to your employer about wife’s pregnancy, you wouldn’t be wondering if you should turn the job down. Well there are laws in place that should put you in exactly the same position as that man with the pregnant wife.

Now yes, as a manager, I wouldn’t be jumping for joy if my new recruit walked in and announced they were pregnant. But also as an employer / manager I acknowledge the law and part of being a manager is having to manage normal occurrences such as staff having babies.

So if you want the job, take it. Congratulations on both.

ReeseWitherfork · 02/07/2022 08:28

You need to change your mindset on it. If you were a man that had just found out your wife is pregnant you wouldn’t be wondering do you need to speak to your employer about wife’s pregnancy, you wouldn’t be wondering if you should turn the job down.

Trouble is, companies don’t unfairly dismiss fathers who are about to or have just had babies. They unfairly dismiss mothers all the time. OP can “think like a man” all she wants but it is ignoring the reality of the situation.

Aprilx · 02/07/2022 08:31

ReeseWitherfork · 02/07/2022 08:28

You need to change your mindset on it. If you were a man that had just found out your wife is pregnant you wouldn’t be wondering do you need to speak to your employer about wife’s pregnancy, you wouldn’t be wondering if you should turn the job down.

Trouble is, companies don’t unfairly dismiss fathers who are about to or have just had babies. They unfairly dismiss mothers all the time. OP can “think like a man” all she wants but it is ignoring the reality of the situation.

Oh well OP should obviously turn it down then. 🙄

ReeseWitherfork · 02/07/2022 08:38

Oh well OP should obviously turn it down then.

Calm down with the dramatic sarcasm. There’s a world between ignoring the situation and turning the job down. Read my earlier comment.

BeautifulWar · 02/07/2022 08:51

.You need to change your mindset on it. If you were a man that had just found out your wife is pregnant you wouldn’t be wondering do you need to speak to your employer about wife’s pregnancy, you wouldn’t be wondering if you should turn the job down. Well there are laws in place that should put you in exactly the same position as that man with the pregnant wife

But men don't typically take months off work after the birth - it's a completely different scenario. On a practical, note, it does cause a headache for a company.

Having said that, I have done this myself, OP with an internal move within a company. I was honest, they were great about it and went ahead with the new role role. This also happened at the same company with a new starter and it was fine for her too, she was a great and valued member of the team.

I think their reaction will tell to everything you need to know about the company. There's not really any convenient time for managers to lose staff for months, but a good company/manager will be thinking long term, care that employees are happy and not see families as baggage.

EarringsandLipstick · 02/07/2022 09:01

I have just had this exact scenario on my team. In that case, the woman was pregnant at interview but it was online so we didn't notice - and correctly, she didn't tell us.

It meant she was only with us for 4 months before she went on maternity leave.

Logistically, it has been a headache; a new project was starting & she should have been up to speed & working on it by now, whereas we are recruiting her replacement still.

However, in all other ways we are delighted for her, have wished her the very best & recognise this is part of managing teams. Women have babies!

Please don't worry,do take the job, but a chat with your manager to gauge their decency is a good suggestion from PP

SunshineAndFizz · 02/07/2022 09:06

Please don't turn down the job. I'd definitely have the conversation with the HR team, realistically they're not going to withdraw the job offer but you can gauge their relation/culture of the organisation. And you've been honest with them, can't say fairer than that!

We've just had a very senior person start at our company (leadership team level at FTSE 250 company) and she'll only be here 5 months before going on mat leave. Everyone is delighted for her (and the message to sends that we hire the right people, regardless of things like pregnancy).

ReeseWitherfork · 02/07/2022 09:39

Of course babies shouldn’t be allowed in the HOC. They shouldn’t be allowed in any workplace. Well behaved babies on slower work days are definitely feasible, but that’s not fair on the mums with colicky babies, or the mums who didn’t see a huge work emergency come up.

Whatever SC is actually saying, all us folk on the ground are hearing is “boohoo I can’t take my kid to work”. And us working mothers are obviously going to be annoyed at her apparent entitlement because we can’t either.

MPs should be given adequate maternity/paternity/parental leave. I’m sure the constituents of whatever seat can be trusted to vote for an alternative temporary MP. And if the substitute doesn’t vote the way the original MP would have then oh well, I didn’t like the new filing system that Kevin came up with when I was on mat leave but that’s unavoidable.

ReeseWitherfork · 02/07/2022 09:39

Totally wrong thread hahaha. Sorry!!!!

New posts on this thread. Refresh page