Feeling guilt again....

[Eggy]

I have already posted two messages about going back to work and childcare.

I have just returned from my interview (went ok, but I haven't even got the job and I am racked with guilt.)

DS is nearly 15 mths old and I gave up work partly to be with him, partly as a career change.

However, I am feeling dreadfully guilty because 1. I do not need to return to work for financial reasons and 2. If I do return to work, he'll be looked after by nursery staff who are, to all intents and purposes, strangers.

I could stay at home, but I am getting very bored and this particular job I have gone for is exactly what I want to do, so even if I didn't get this particular post, my gut feeling would tell me to keep applying for similar positions in the future.

Anyway, enough waffling. I just wanted to hear how other mothers felt who returned to work just for the pleasure of it, rather than financial, and how they dealt with any guilt feelings they may have experienced.

Tx

I went back to work when dd was only 6 months old - I felt very guilty mainly because my reasons for returning to work were purely for me (not financial). I found I could not cope with being a SAHM. My mum made some good points - first that if I was happier then dd would be happier and secondly that dd would go to school eventually so i should keep my career going. I enjoy my time with dd and spend much more quality time with her than some of my SAHM friends. The key is to find good childcare. I must admit I do still feel guilty though...

Eggy, I just wanted to refer you to the GF debate thread, which seems to have morphed into a debate about working/SAHM, just because there are some eloquent descriptions from women who work not only for financial reasons, and also about childcare.
I'd just say a couple of things:

1. DON'T feel guilty for wanting more in your life than being a mother.
2. DO make sure you (and DD)are happy with the childcare you choose - don't view them as 'strangers', view them as people who are going to be very significant to your dd.

I went back to work (pt) at 6 months - and found it much easier than I feared.

oops must dash - ds waking up!!

Good luck.

Eggy do look at the GF thread - but to answer your specific points.

Your childs carers will soon not be strangers. They are qualified at looking after children, and do it because they enjoy it and find it fulfilling, you do not find it completely fulfilling, but that's why you are a mother not a nursery nurse.
Emotional reasons for returning to work are, IMHO, far more important than financial.
I deal with the guilt by ensuring that when I am with dd, I concentrate on her 100%. She probably gets more focused time with me than when I was on maternity leave and woudl let her play on her mat whilst I watched Trisha (Oh I do miss Trisha!) I also spend huge amounts of money on toys and clothes

You are also giving your ds the message that it is OK for women to work if they want and be empowered, so just think of the good you are doing for his future wife!

Remember you and your ds were strangers when you met, yet you managed! I am very lucky and work part time from home partly for a very real financial need and partly because it is interesting, challenging, keeps me in touch with a big world outside my home and because, yes, it gives me a different status which I, in my shallow way, enjoy. I have good friends who are SAHMs - I am godmother to one SAHM friend's daughter and have known her for 20 years - and friends who work full time. I honestly don't think there is any difference in the happiness or academic success of their children. I had a lovely morning playing 50s housewife at the local greengrocers/bakers/cheeseshop this morning and really enjoy being with my ds, but I also love to work (most of the time). I sometimes feel a bit guilty, esp if I don't have much to do but would rather flick through the paper over a coffee than rush off to collect ds from his nannyshare, but I have to say, it's a rather fleeting guilt! Even if I won the lottery I would do something outside the home, it's the way I am. If it's right for you and your childcare is good, then go for it. When you see your ds happy and thriving you will know you are doing OK.

Eggy, when my ds first went to nursery at 9 mths old I felt horribly guilty. However, I was going up the walls staying at home.

When dd went to the same nursery at 6 mths old I experienced never a twinge of guilt. By then I had realised how much ds enjoyed nursery, how secure he felt there, and above all how much he enjoyed spending time with lots of other children. I had also realised that for me, staying at home with small children (however much I loved them) was the route to falling into depression.

The proof of the pudding for me was when my mum, who had disapproved of me putting ds into nursery, recently said that I had done the right thing and she wished she'd sent me and my brother to nursery.

Remember that, as others have already said, the carers at nursery will not be strangers for long. My kids regard the nursery staff as a sort of extended family, and now that ds is at school he loves popping back into nursery to tell the nursery nurses how he is getting on.

Tx for all the prompt replies.

I have already glanced at the 'GF' thread, and I was a little worried that I might get 'shouted down' by some if I said that I wanted to return to work just for the sheer pleasure, hence starting my own thread.

Nice to know that I am not alone.

Fingers crossed I get this position - and it is only p/t !

Tx again

Hi Eggy
I returned to work because I enjoy working. I am only a part-timer and find that the balance I get leaves me entirely "guilt-free". Please don't feel guilty, it is such a pointless emotion. Enjoy your job and enjoy your ds - it really is possible to do both. The nursery staff will very quickly become friends with ds and if you are at all worried go and spend some time at the nursery with ds before going back to work. Any good nursery will understand your concerns and try and help.
Good luck

Eggy, think of it from your child's point of view. I do remember as a child being very proud of my mum because she was a teacher and had a career. i used to think my friends mums who did not work were really boring!

(SAHM don't take it personally, young children are not politically correct!)