Hi,
I have endured a few incidences at work which at the beginning seemed like inappropriate banter to me but overtime I realised it's harassment. These all culminated in the perpetrator laying his hands on me in the office infront of other colleagues last Tuesday.
I should say I have social anxiety and have been in an emotionally and mentally abusive relationship for the duration of my employment. As a result I have found it difficult going into work and my judgment of what is appropriate especially with people overstepping my boundaries have been compromoised, but I made an effort to carry on and do the best I can and give people the benefit of the doubt, because that's the way I am. I have been called too sensitive in the past but I really feel what happened was harassment.
when I first started last year, this female colleague came over to me to introduce herself. She also told] me to make friends with her male colleague who is a Muslim and who therefore can take more than one wife. I found this very inappropriate. I thought maybe because I'm East Asian and they are both French speaking Africans they are playing to stereotypes, but still found it highly offensive. She on another occassion asked me if I'd like to go out with her son, who is 19. I found her attitude on both occassions very crass.
The male colleague came across someowhat easygoing but friendly. He went into one of the meeting rooms to do pushups one day, and walked past my desk, and squeezed me on the arm. Now nobody in the office goes around touching others and it's just not the done thing, but the way he acted it was his thing, so I didn't say anything.
Things looked hairy for me on my last day there, when he came over, sat really close, told me he liked me and asked me for a drink. Everyone was at their desk working. He said I reminded him of his ex girlfriend who was Chinese. He showed me a picture and I looked nothing like her. I didn't respond because I was just so taken aback at being propositioned at my desk. He asked to add me on facebook. I told him to send me a message just to get rid of him. He went back to his desk, after which his mate said loudly 'maybe you should pay her'.
It was my last day so I endured it to the end and got the hell out of there.
Stupidly I came back after my manager offered me a job with really good pay. There was an occassion where the guy asked me for a drink again. I said he was married so why is he asking me. He said he thought I was married too, and that it's just as colleagues. I told him we could do that all as a team with others involved, and that I am not married but I am not looking for anybody.
A few weeks later we went for a walk around the block at lunch time as I hotdesked next to him and there was nobody else on the team. I took that chance to confront him about how inappropriate it was for him to tell me I reminded him of his ex girlfriend infront of other colleagues with the pretext of prepositioning me. I told him how uncomfortabel it made me feel, but he said he didn't know and that maybe it's cultural differences. I didn't get the idea that he cared or really took it in. I also took that chance to say I am not looking for anyone, if I was it'll have to be friends first, and that I don't socialise with people at work.
A few days later, out of the blue, he walked to my desk, put both his hands on my shoulders and said 'why are you wearing a jacket, it's too hot, you should take it off'. He yanked my shoulders and slapped one hand hard onto my chest, above my boobs. I felt like I had my breath knocked out of me. I was so angry and shocked, I said loudly 'don't touch me, you don't do that to someone in the office'. I didnt' know what else to say in my state. Nobody said anythign or asked if I was alright. The ones friendly with him just looked and laughed amongst themselves. The female colleague who made those comments before then mocked me 'oh maybe she should goto HR for harassment', and they all laughed again. I felt so incredulous, I packed up my things and left. He then came after me and said sorry, but he didn't act like it was a serious thing that he actually laid hands on me like that.
I started a formal grievance process with HR and they've agreed for me to work at home while investigation is ongoing. I don't feel safe going back as I've named all those who mocked me when it happened. So it looks like to me like harassment, but I could just use some support right now as I still feel like I don't want to cause trouble, but this seriously feels wrong to me.
Because of all that's happened and my still ongoing anxiety I don't feel I'll ever be ready to go back there. It's not the sort of place where I felt respected. I think it's toxic for me, so what are my rights for working at home for the remainder of my contract which is just 3 months left?
Many thanks