Hi,
So I feel things are in a bit of a mess and just don’t know where to turn. Excuse the length!
I’m in my probation period and recently found out I’m pregnant which I haven’t told them yet. Not too long left of probation but scared to tell them in case of any discrimination. Not the best timing but there were issues previously where I hadn’t had a period for months so we really didn’t know how long it would take.
Aside from those worries, I’ve been miserable at work for some time. I left a long hours, shift job so it’s great for family time and being at home more but I did adore the old job itself aside from certain elements, it was just nearly breaking DH and I as we’d never see each other so something had to give.
The training pitched at interview would be shadowing someone doing the job. In actuality, I spent 2 days with someone doing the job and then a few with someone else where they just talked through procedures/information as they were pregnant so not doing the job as such anymore. They went on maternity not long after I started.
Aside from that I spent the rest of my time before being ‘officially’ in role, just sat in an office with another department who do things differently to mine but told to just shadow them instead. That depended on what they had in their diaries which was never a great deal so I shadowed about 2 appointments.
I don’t have an ‘actual’ manager although they are just on recruiting one on a temporary contract, despite me being permanent which concerns me. The other department’s manager has been mine temporarily but they obviously have had to teach themselves about my role/department.
I spent a lot of time just working my way around everything myself and trying to self-teach and find out enough to help me.
I spend every minute I have for spare thought feeling sick and anxious about work. I feel like I’m at a loss as to what to do at work, whether I’m even doing things right or having no motivation to be there. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing so keep thinking I’m failing even though I have no real standards to measure myself on.
I regularly will cry at home because I feel so miserable. I’m used to being proactive and getting things done with positive outcomes so not used to feeling like this. It’s a very demanding, public facing role where I have clients I need to keep in touch with weekly and essentially help them out with most aspects of their life (like a Probation officer in some ways but not). It’s draining the life out of me but financial worries etc mean I just can’t see the way to turn.
If you’ve read this far, thank you and any advice much appreciated.