Meet the Other Phone. A phone that grows with your child.

Meet the Other Phone.
A phone that grows with your child.

Buy now

Please or to access all these features

Work

Chat with other users about all things related to working life on our Work forum.

Miserable at work - feel I can’t leave

3 replies

sugaryouth20 · 19/06/2022 15:27

Hi,
So I feel things are in a bit of a mess and just don’t know where to turn. Excuse the length!
I’m in my probation period and recently found out I’m pregnant which I haven’t told them yet. Not too long left of probation but scared to tell them in case of any discrimination. Not the best timing but there were issues previously where I hadn’t had a period for months so we really didn’t know how long it would take.

Aside from those worries, I’ve been miserable at work for some time. I left a long hours, shift job so it’s great for family time and being at home more but I did adore the old job itself aside from certain elements, it was just nearly breaking DH and I as we’d never see each other so something had to give.

The training pitched at interview would be shadowing someone doing the job. In actuality, I spent 2 days with someone doing the job and then a few with someone else where they just talked through procedures/information as they were pregnant so not doing the job as such anymore. They went on maternity not long after I started.

Aside from that I spent the rest of my time before being ‘officially’ in role, just sat in an office with another department who do things differently to mine but told to just shadow them instead. That depended on what they had in their diaries which was never a great deal so I shadowed about 2 appointments.

I don’t have an ‘actual’ manager although they are just on recruiting one on a temporary contract, despite me being permanent which concerns me. The other department’s manager has been mine temporarily but they obviously have had to teach themselves about my role/department.
I spent a lot of time just working my way around everything myself and trying to self-teach and find out enough to help me.

I spend every minute I have for spare thought feeling sick and anxious about work. I feel like I’m at a loss as to what to do at work, whether I’m even doing things right or having no motivation to be there. I don’t know what I’m supposed to be doing so keep thinking I’m failing even though I have no real standards to measure myself on.
I regularly will cry at home because I feel so miserable. I’m used to being proactive and getting things done with positive outcomes so not used to feeling like this. It’s a very demanding, public facing role where I have clients I need to keep in touch with weekly and essentially help them out with most aspects of their life (like a Probation officer in some ways but not). It’s draining the life out of me but financial worries etc mean I just can’t see the way to turn.

If you’ve read this far, thank you and any advice much appreciated.

OP posts:
maxelly · 20/06/2022 11:17

Sorry to hear things are so difficult. I think TBH it sounds as though you'd be best off trying your best to stick it out as you are newly pregnant (congrats!) so presumably you'll get much better maternity pay compared to if you left and got a new job elsewhere (unless you are only entitled to statutory?). Can you do a sort of mental countdown of how many more weeks you have to put up with it before you can go off on mat. leave?

It does sound a familiar tale from the public sector of disorganisation and lack of structured training if that's of any comfort to you, and it's not your responsibility to try and fix it, I know it's so hard when it's vulnerable people you want to protect and support and you don't feel you are doing right by, but all you can possibly do is do your best with what you have and make sure your higher ups are aware of any problems you can't fix (they might not be able to fix them either but at least you've escalated so it isn't your problem). You aren't and can't be expected to be a miracle worker or to have knowledge and experience that you haven't been trained for. I would try and see the arrival of a proper line manager for you as a positive rather than a further source of stress, hopefully this person even if they are temporary (which might be for a whole variety of budget or political reasons, I wouldn't assume it's something sinister) as someone that will help you with better training and support or at the very least as being a person that the buck will stop with if anything goes wrong. Maybe try and look up some mindfulness or distraction techniques that will help you leave work at the door, and if you really feel yourself becoming overwhelmed take some time away from work either as sick leave or annual leave, I know from experience when pregnant you want to save every possible day to spend with the baby when they're here but the baby does need you to be as calm and healthy as possible so driving yourself into the ground won't help, take some time for yourself too!

PeggyGa · 20/06/2022 11:20

NHS by any chance?!

sugaryouth20 · 21/06/2022 15:16

Thanks Maxelly, your message was really comforting.
I have an amazing maternity package in my last job but this will just be statutory I believe. I would be going off in January so a little bit of time yet.

Going to try and bear in mind some of the things you have said and definitely look up some distractions!
Glad it’s not just me and it’s a problem sector wide!

OP posts:
New posts on this thread. Refresh page