Secondary School & Working FT

[Lisaaas1]

Hi

I'm looking for some advice and opinions pls. My DD will be in Year 8 in September and I currently take her/pick up each day, it's a 35 min walk and her class friends are from all different local areas so no nearby friends to walk with. I work PT currently but applying for FT work as DH work unsettled at the moment and we'd like to move. DD does not want to get a bus so is insistent if I am not able to pick her up (I would still be able to drop off when FT) she will walk home. This is worrying the fact she will walk home but i will potentially finish at 430. I also get one day off a week so allows for a bit of movement on top of our holiday allowance in school holidays. Question is, what should I do? return to work FT better job and better money but know for 2 days of the week I can't pick up (she does after school activities at the school 3 days). Do I make myself happy by being in a better job with more money now she is nearly 13 or enjoy being PT albeit 30 hours or just give it all up and be a SAHM...just kidding!!

What's wrong with walking?

I think that’s absolutely fine to walk home if she doesn’t want to get the bus. Once they are at secondary most kids walk or get the bus

I don’t see a problem with you being full time now your daughter is at secondary. Use some leave in school holiday so your daughter isn’t at home alone all day, but mine have always been at home during school hols, or gone out to meet friends.

You are being massively dramatic about it. If she prefers to walk, let her walk. In winter weather she has the option of a bus for part of the route. 35 mins isn't an especially long walk; my walk home was nearly and hour and it didn't trouble me. You can turn on tracking on her mobile and check she is on her route if you don't trust her. And ask her to SMS you when she let's herself in at home. Make sure there is a snack waiting for her to prepare - cup-a-soup or toast if it's cold is good.

The more you overheat the conversation the more reluctant she will feel.

My two never had a choice, they both had to walk home from year 7 about a 35-40 min walk as I don't drive. She might fine someone who walks her way? That's usually what happened with my two.

OP the trouble is you’re not going to get responses on here which align with your parenting style.
For me the idea of a younger teen arriving home to make themselves a cup a soup really doesn’t sound great.
i feel the same as you as I said upthread but I’m able to work from home a few days a week.
I feel it will be quite different in a couple of years, in year 9 onwards, and I won’t feel so anxious about it. Is it an option for you to return FT but delay it by a year or so?

35min walk only one way, 5 times a week is absolutely fine for your DD.
Bear in mind that part of the way she would be surrounded by other children walking back from the same school.
Not ideal when it rains but, on those occasions, she might be persuaded to get the bus if she minds the wet weather.
She will be absolutely fine.

Mmm, I think this full time job will be good for you AND her. It will force her to gain some additional independence which, at 13, she absolutely should have. If she ws just starting Year 7 in September, I'd understand. But she's now established at school, old enough to be independent and frankly it's crazy that you're even worrying about childcare right now.

Allowing children to continue to nurture their fears just encourages lack of independence in an adult. She doesn't like the bus. Fine. But practically speaking, she needs to learn to suck it up because the chances are she's going to need to take busses and other forms of public transport regularly for the rest of her life.

It's just habit and confidence. Asking her to walk or get the bus in yr8 isn't a problem. It will be good for her to do this.
There could be an emergency and she needs to get there or back independently anyway, so you're helping her to get a bit more independence.
Most parents don't have the choice, she'll be with others on the bus or walking at least part of the way.
Honestly, she'll be fine.

At her age I caught 2 different public busses to get to my school (9 miles away).

I really didn't want to but had no choice as the alternative was change school. (House move).

I begged for lifts (parents could've but said no). I pulled sickness tricks but was sent.

It's helped me in later life as in work we often have to go places we don't want to and I just crack on!

Thank you. I posted here if I am honest more to see what the general consensus and thoughts were as opposed to making a decision based on them. The responses have been interesting and I appreciate people taking the time to reply and give their opinion. If I were to go back FT I would only be a 15 minute drive away and would only be at work till 430 so not a really long day. On the 2 days I couldn't pick up DD would only be on her own for approx 45 minutes so there would be no need to cook or make soup. Will have to see but no concrete decision made as yet. Thanks all

What about her dad? He can change his hours?
But really she can walk or get bus
Her choice

If she is NT with no mental health problems, you are definitely being over protective. What has her size got to do with it? Tall kids don't have more mature brains. Should we treat very small/slim adults like kids? 🧐

a lot of friends work in schools so get TT contracts and have told me to avoid working FT.

Friends have really told you to avoid working full time?! Do you think it has anything to do with them?!

This is worrying the fact she will walk home but i will potentially finish at 430.

That really isn’t worrying. If you finished at 10pm that might be a bit worrying.

My yr 7 dd walks 35 mins to school and back. I work FT so she is also alone during holidays. DH does wfh some days, or is away in another country - often for weeks. I do have older DC who are in and out as much more independent though. But she also goes into town after school, catches the train to the next town with friends etc so isn't just sitting at home. That's the reality for most parents. Some days - shock horror - I have arrived home after a late shift at gone 10pm when DH is away. All three have cooked themselves dinner, sorted out their homework, and are ready for the next day independently. What do you think single parents do?

I am also a nurse.

I did nights when my dses were younger to avoid childcare costs and eventually went to days and increased my hours to full time when ds2 went into year 8. Both mine walked home (20 mins) and stayed at home by themselves until DH returned home at 17:15. They coped through the school holidays as well.

Dc can be initially reluctant to take on more responsibility and do more but it is a rite of passage for them to go through and they do generally gain confidence quickly.

Ultimately if it what your family needs, you need to do it.

We are a few years down the line now and I have never regretted it.

My 11 year old has walked to and from school for the last year. 30-35 minutes through a busy town.

He'll get the bus to secondary next year.

We are bringing up children to be adults remember.