Tips for dealing with a colleague you can't stand

[notreallythough]

I work in a small company (40ish people).

There is a junior colleague (apprentice) I just can"t stand and I need tips on how to remain pleasant to him.

The thing is he hasn't done anything "wrong" he just gets on my nerves every-time he speaks. I know I'm not the only person who he manages to annoy - but I don't have the option to let off steam about how annoying he is to colleagues because of my position (management).

He's been in the company for a year and it's just getting worse.

At lunchtime he monopolises all conversations and doesn't seem to notice or care. He holds controversial opinions but never actually crosses the line into full on racist/sexist/nationalist/homophobic.

For example, in front of colleague from country a he'll say to everyone "oh I'd never go to country a on holiday - there are much better places to go - food there is not good and expensive". If the group replies "Oh, we've been to country a and really enjoyed it" He'll reply something like "trust me I lived there for 6 months - It's a shit place". If poor colleague from country a makes a comment he'll reply - "well you're from country a so of course you're biased"

If we all go out during the week for an afterwork drink ( we're talking two small glasses of wine tops per head) and someone female isn't drinking ( he doesn't drink like multiple other colleagues) he'll loudly comment something along the lines of "Oh, are you pregnant or have you just decided to live a better life?"

I vape, as does another senior colleague - we often "escape" to the rooftop to vape and he'll follow us without asking - this is annoying as we are often just trying to go somewhere quiet to discuss a work issue and can't do this infront of him.

He needs a handhold to complete basic admin tasks that are required for office life ( filling in his holiday dates, updating his transport ticket (transport gets reimbursed but ticket must be submitted every month)) and will interrupt me even if my office door is shut and I'm obviously working on something.

He's in the open space and will swap desks without asking or warning and then I have to deal with other colleagues not being happy being close to him because he will try and chime in on conversations he's not part of or eavesdrop on peoples meetings to give his opinions.

We share our office building with other companies that work in the same highly specialized domaine that we do - in the common areas he'll often try and interrupt conversations of people from other companies and talk about what our company does - however his actual understanding of what we do is limited (he's in support services) and so this is sometimes really embarrassing as he makes basic mistakes.

I've also had to have a chat with him about social media as he'll often repost company Linkedin posts ( all good) with enthusiastic but technically wrong comments filled with spelling mistakes.

His direct manager is aware that he grates on people ( he was an intern before being offered an apprenticeship by his manager and it caused huge issues between his team and the manager who were unhappy he'd been offered the opportunity to stay on without them being consulted.) But his manager works remotely 4 days out of 5 so doesn't have to cope with him on a daily basis.

Mumsnetters, what are you're best zen tips to help me not turn round and just tell him to shut-up one day ?

Bump ?

I might just let of steam here - I've just had to sit through another atrocious lunch with him. And then, had to tell other team complaining that I didn't want to hear anything mean about him while internally wanting to scream about what an arse he is ..

Jeezus. Erm.. get really good at gritting your teeth?
i think in your position I’d full on call him out even if just to say “well thats great thats your opinion on country a Dave, but please respect others opinions. They’re entitled to theirs as much as you are to yours.”

for a LOT of the other things, he kinda needs someone to tell him straight? (Or punch him in the face? LIGHTHEARTED. I don’t think violence is the way forward. But sheesh. I can’t see how someone HASNT lumped him one yet..) Can his mentor have a discussion with him? If it is impacting on yourself an colleagues so greatly, you need to raise it with management and they should be helping him to manage his performance! (As in, not just hitting figures, but you know.. being a fully functioning member of society an’ all.. kinda what we all should have learnt at school imho)

Hopefully others have some helpful advice!

Lol. Sorry. You ARE management. Erm. Yep. I’d be speaking with his line manager.

Unfortunately there's nothing much you can do. You all don't have to like each other. I work in an office with 20 people and there's a woman who sings along to the radio all day. It drives me insane as it's so loud and we're always on phone to customers. But it's not my problem. Only thing you can do is make a complaint to management if it truly is bothering you.

I agree, I think you need to be straight with him. 'Hey Nigel, a word of advice for getting on in <your company> and the wider world. Some people pick these things up at school or home, but plenty of others have to be told, like I'm telling you now, so don't be embarrassed. So - top tips: Do avoid criticising others, especially on sensitive topics like nationality or heritage. Don't interrupt others' conversations, work or personal, unless you're actually invited to contribute - especially don't chime in on industry topics outside the company unless you are absolutely certain that senior management would agree with your position - this is very important as it's a reputational issue. Finally, keep on top of your own admin - some people do find it harder than others to remember this stuff but that can be solved by taking detailed notes and setting yourself reminders, so you don't have to bother others.'

I think on a day to day basis you need some stock phases such as "You are being rude when you say that" or "You are offending people when you say ......" or "You really need to consider what you are saying more before you speak" and pull him up each time. If he follows you out to vape say "Can you leave us I need to speak to Jane in private". When he opens your office door and interrupts you "Can you knock" or "If my door is closed, please do not disturb me".

I also think you need to have a meeting with the senior leadership team, including his line manager and the person who has kept him on and you need to spell out how irritating everyone at the company finds him, he is also liability in his conduct with the other company in your building and on social media. That you are concerned he may do something very stupid which will effect the company. Also you need to say potentially you will lose good staff because they would rather work elsewhere. Make it a business case not a personal gripe.

I think you need to separate the annoying from the incompetence/unprofessional.

Why is he swapping desks? Do you have hot desking? If not he needs to be made to move back immediately.

Asking if someone is pregnant is incredibly intrusive and unlikely to win any friends. He needs to be told this.

Following you to the rooftop - actually x we're brainstorming an issue that isnt in your remit. Can you wait z minutes or go elsewhere?

Why cant he complete basic tasks? Does he need further training? Maybe he needs a bit of tough love. So if he doesnt submit his travel by a certain time then it doesnt get refunded.