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What is my co-workers problem?

13 replies

Laurzz · 25/05/2022 12:18

Some background to set the scene.. I have worked with Linda for 9 years not only is she a colleague I also consider her a friend despite being a 23 year age gap. We both do the same job but for separate functions. We often are referred to as the “dream team” because we work so well together.

Few weeks ago, Linda had taken some last minute annual leave due to her 17 year old daughters mental health being bad. She returned the following week and I thought she was very cold and not her usual self. I knew her daughters mental health was affecting hers due to previous conversations so I just left her to deal with it in her own way. So yesterday, she come in very chirpy and seemed like the old Linda. She then told me they had bought a puppy to give her daughter something to focus on. She showed me some pictures and I was pleased for them. I made a comment saying “hopefully you wont be landed with the pup too much”. She snippily replied “It’s a commitment I’m willing to make for my daughter”. That was the end of the conversation and she seemed fine all day.

Today she come in and said she has been mulling over my comment last night about the dog. I apologised and said I didn’t mean it in a malicious way I meant hope you don’t miss out on your holidays etc due to dog care. She then replied “my husband thinks you’re just jealous”. I’m certainly not jealous. I just sat there like WOW this has been blown way out on context. She hasn’t spoken to me since and I’ve tried to make small talk with her but getting nothing.

How do I tell her I think this whole situation is pathetic?

OP posts:
JuneOsborne · 25/05/2022 12:22

She's having a hard time. Leave her be. Don't give it any head space.

nearlyspringyay · 25/05/2022 12:27

Just leave her to get on with it, she having a hard time and she's probably coming to terms with the fact she's made a bad decision about the dog!

I certainly don't think you should be telling her anything is pathetic.

PuppyMonkey · 25/05/2022 12:27

I’d also leave her to it and get on with your job in a civil and friendly way. Doesn’t sound like an ideal time to take on a puppy tbf.

rookiemere · 25/05/2022 12:55

Deep down she knows getting a puppy is not the right thing to do, bringing it to her attention won't help as it's done now.
Be bright and breezy and don't mention the puppy again except to ooh and aah over photos.

BlueKaftan · 25/05/2022 13:04

I think you owe her a better apology. You made a negative comment at a time when she really could have used your support. That’s why her husband thinks you’re jealous.

forlornlorna1 · 25/05/2022 13:09

You say you consider her a friend. So when she was off supporting her dd through her mental health did you check in on her? If you didn't and then as you say you left her to it when she come back, well she might of been hoping for some support from you her friend. Instead you just gave a negative comment at a time when she was feeling a bit more herself.

Circumferences · 25/05/2022 13:11

Offer to help rather than make snide remarks about her strategies

girlmom21 · 25/05/2022 13:16

She's trying to do right by her daughter and found something that cheered her whole family up and you made a snippy comment about it.

Tell her your comment was out of line and you're sorry and hope you can move past it.

Tiani4 · 25/05/2022 13:19

She bought puppy for her DD, whose mental health she is very worried about . For colleague to be worried enough she took time off to look after her teenager, I'd guess there's high risks eg risk of suicide / major self harm/ deteriorating eating disorder about to be admitted to hospital or psychosis

The comment you made, was a bit pants really, in that context, as it was slightly negative about who looks after puppy when colleague will be focusing on whatever it tajes to keep her teenage child safe.

I think you should keep your head down and try to be more understanding and empathetic to your colleague. Say only positive things about puppy - No more intentional or accidental 'digs' about puppy or whatever it takes for her 17 year old to get through this

Laurzz · 25/05/2022 13:30

It's slightly strange atmosphere but you are right i should let her be and continue our work relationship in the hope she will realise there was nothing malicious in what I said.

When she first mentioned it and showed me the photos, i done the whole OMG how cute? Cant wait to meet him. He's got such big paws, ect. She said she was nervous because it was their first dog and at that point i made the comment about hopefully you wont be landed with it all.

@BlueKaftan I apologised today and gave her re-assurance I made a silly comment but it wasn't made in an malicious context. I also apologised that she went home feeling that way.

@forlornlorna1 She had sent me a text on the Sunday to tell me she wouldn't be in work that week and explained everything she had been through with DD. I text back something to affect, don't worry about work, i'm here if you need me, if you need some space from everyone or the house we could meet for a walk (which we did). The day she came back i welcomed her back and we had a brief chat about everything but she didn't seem to want to chat too much about it so i left just her and thought she will come to me if she needs anything.

OP posts:
rookiemere · 25/05/2022 13:38

She could be struggling with the whole situation.
My very close friends DD has had mental health issues over the past year and the way my friend coped was by not discussing it for a long time and just bottling up her emotions.
I'd just continue to be yourself and be kind where you can.

AtLeastPretendToCare · 25/05/2022 13:49

Linda is likely finding this very hard and the chirpiness is probably being forced. She is probably feeling a range of emotions.

People under stress often target emotions at other targets. I remember when my husband’s mother was terminally ill , how focussed he got on being cross with a supplier who messed up a delivery. Yes they screwed up but the emotions he was feeling got directed into escalating complaints because I think it was easier to focus there than on the real problem in his life. And so here you made a slightly thoughtless remark and easier to be cross with you than face the bigger picture. Not fair on you, absolutely. But no mileage in telling her it is pathetic, it will just escalate matters and you can’t “win” here as you’re a proxy situation. Just let it go.

autienotnaughty · 25/05/2022 13:54

It's sounds like she's sensitive due to difficulties. I'd be ok with her and leave her to work through her stuff. I wouldn't add anything else to her plate.

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