Promoted above unhappy colleague & how to manage tips for a 1st time manager please!

[thisistheyear22]

Not sure if this is the right work topic. Colleague and I went for a promotion to manage our team of 6 when our manager left due to sickness in February. I have been here three years and she has been here two.
She is much more confident, bubbly and louder than I am so I thought that she had a better chance but I got the job. I am definitely what you call introverted.
Since then things have been a bit odd sometimes and my eyes have recently opened so I am after some advice for how to manage this .
We have always had bi-weekly meetings and now she will be loud and try to run the meeting. If I speak up she will smile at others or someone else in the meeting. These are all teams meetings as we are still working from home two days a week when the meetings happen. She will also try and catch me out and trip me up in the meetings. For example there are issues with a project at the moment that she is involved in. We had a call and discussed it in detail however the next day in the meeting she questioned me as if we haven't spoken and I hadn't been keeping her up to date almost to the point of interrogation. She is really confident and sometimes I have felt a little flustered in the meetings.
However when it is just me and her she is super friendly, always smiling and engaging and I really thought that we got on well. She has always been like this and I had no idea that there was an issue with me.
I have been having regular 1-2-1s and I have said that I understand that it is a big change for the team and I will always help support her professional development etc however she always says things are great.
I recently found out that she has outright lied about me to another member of team by saying I gave her wrong advice basically blaming for an error. This never happened and is completely made up. It was about 2 months ago but I only found out now.
Also she will take days to reply to emails and whatever task I have given her she keeps delaying although she will eventually do it. This is very different to before. I didn't realise how bad things were until a recent meeting where she was sarcastic to the point of rudeness. I wish I said something but the meeting was nearly ending and I was a bit taken a back and also didn't want to say anything in front of the team. This reminded me of an incident about three months ago when I had a meeting with her and another member of the team and she made a rude comment about me being lazy and then quickly began to talk about something. I remember being speechless but just carried on in the meeting.
I am not sure how to handle this. On the one hand I feel that I don't want my manager to think I can't do the job and manage the team but also I don't want things to fester and have issue months down the line when I will have been doing the role a lot longer and it will be harder to say anything. She is quite disarming and if I say anything I am sure she will say everything is fine. She is well liked and is very close to some members of the team and I know that live in the same area and have socialised outside of work.
There are other little performance issues such as not answering client emails properly and then saying she forgot or she was busy and distracted.
Not following instructions properly and doing half a task such as if I ask her to a b c d she will do b and d. If I say anything she will say she forgot but that means I always have to check the work because it keeps happening.
I am after advice and tips from any managers here on good management tips after being promoted from a team and also how to manage this situation before it gets worse. Thank you

I did a management training course that had a specific module on this sort of thing.

it is such a common scenario. If I were managing you, I’d be pleased rather than unimpressed if you came to me requesting additional training or guidance for this. Obviously I’m NOT your manager, but you could try sounding them out.

You need to address it with her directly and tell her it’s unacceptable, she won’t continue if you do I can guarantee it. Also don’t take any shit from her in meetings.

Assuming your manager is reasonable, then yes I would definitely tell them about this, along with a plan for how you want to deal with it.

Askamanager.org is a (US-based) blog that's really good on how to phrase things like this, recommend having a look - you definitely need to start pulling her up on things.

The lie especially is very serious - how do you know she isn't doing it all the time?

I would go to my manager with a loose plan on how I propose to handle things, and try and suss out how much authority you have here. Realistically, is the situation salvageable? What happens if it's not - a PIP?

You need to bring this behaviour into the daylight, not least to protect yourself.

It's fair enough that as an introvert you may not feel equipped to deal with some of these things on the spot, but don't let them pass. Call a special meeting soon after to discuss them. Say 'I noticed in the meeting yesterday that you said... or I felt that in the meeting you were confused because you didn't remember the conversation we had'. Then, my best technique, be quiet. Let her fill the silence. If you say anything it's an open question 'why did you say that...how do you think it might have been handled better...' Don't apologise yourself in any way. I would just create the habit of doing this so she knows if she gets up to any antics you two will be talking about it and it may be an uncomfortable meeting.

Ideally you will round off these meetings by talking about building trust in the workplace or her improving her performance or whatever. You might want to hint that poor conduct or performance can be a disciplinary matter.

Thanks it is useful to read this rather than guessing in my head what I should do. I will raise it with her first and then let my manager know as I am have been thinking about what the situation will be if I leave it and it doesn't get better. I think I am worried about coming across as defensive in meetings and looking like a fool but letting things go isn't a good strategy either.

Other than this she is a good employee and good at her job and I am not aware of her previously behaving like this.

She might have lied about me before but this is the only time I am aware of but yes it is possible that it has happened before.

I like the idea of having a call and talking about her not remembering a previous conversation. Thanks for all the replies.

When you have this situation
She will also try and catch me out and trip me up in the meetings. For example there are issues with a project at the moment that she is involved in. We had a call and discussed it in detail however the next day in the meeting she questioned me as if we haven't spoken and I hadn't been keeping her up to date almost to the point of interrogation.

What you do is summarise all the points you discussed on the call, send them to her on an email. SHe can't then question you on those points, as you just refer to the email ' we discussed that in our call on Tuesday, I summarised the points in the email I sent you afterwards'

Back up everything with a paper trail, minute every meeting & get her to sign the minutes or set up emails with a read receipt.

personally I’d meet with her weekly same time same day weekly, give her a written list of targets for the week, ask for any comments or concerns about the proposed workload, then the following week review her progress utilising the original list. Create a new list for the next week. That way you’ve both got a record of expectations and a record of whether they are being completed. This will build towards a bigger picture. You could set her wider tasks such as developing her own organisation strategies so that she keeps on top of workload. With the meetings, state that you’ve already gone over the points with her but are very happy to share them with the wider team. And repeat.

It might be good to write things down, have an email trail for tasks that you can both refer to

I'd have a come to Jesus chat with her. Acknowledge that you understand she's pissed off that she didn't get the job, but she needs to put her disappointment behaving her. You have seen x,y,z behaviours from her that are not acceptable (give examples) and you expect them to stop. In particularly the lying and bitchy comments will be considered a conduct issue if it carries on. Is there anything she needs from you to help with that?

You are being far too passive, of course she is going to say everything is great in your 1:1s because she's not being challenged on her behaviour.

Behind her

This gives me flashbacks to my first managerial job! Some really good advice on here. The first rule for issues like this is document, document, document. I would definitely call it out and ask her (by yourselves) if there is a problem because you've noticed x/y/z - at the moment she thinks she can get away with treating you disrespectfully and that's not ok. I also think with the lying etc. you need to flag that upwards now. Do you know if your managers will have your back? The person causing me issues had quite a bad reputation within the organisation for making false allegations, so there was a lot of 'this is how that person is', which made it difficult to tackle anything.

After every conversation follow up with an “as discussed xyz” email
check out the one minute manager books…. Excellent simple advice.

Document everything. Send meeting follow up, doesn't matter if she acknowledges or not. It's a record. Have a direct conversation about conduct. Agreed on the "silence" tactic after making a statement on the behaviour. Also, don't turn this into what could be perceived as a me vs her situation if you speak to your manager, focus on performance, team impact etc. Identify the issue, get support for the solution, and execute. If she drags you down into a he said, she said you'll end up looking bad no matter what. This is a common scenario for new managers. Good luck!

Hi OP, no advice as I'm in a similar situation myself although we have both been employed less than 12 months.
My line manager (also fairly new) is aware she is a 'negative person' and agreed that she was a bad fit for the company, but last week shut down any further discussion saying I just had to deal with it.
I'm massively stressed by it as she's being a delightful mixture of passive aggressive and often downright rude.

Sorry, I’m not going to be much help here but I just wanted to say, it’s actually really reassuring to read that I’m not the only one dealing with issues like this. I’ve had a similar situation, managers above me basically don’t want the problem tackled head on because it will possibly lead to grievances etc consequently this individual has done as they’ve liked for years and breeds so much negativity it’s untrue. I’ve actually gone elsewhere so I don’t have to deal with it any more. Having said that, I think there are some great ideas mentioned on this thread as to how to challenge such behaviour. Good luck OP.

If she makes factual errors in meetings, pull her up on it and as a pp said, say 'We covered all this yesterday, that's why I'm not proposing to go through it again in this meeting, if you have a read of the email I sent and call me if you are still unclear about anything'

If she is rude in a meeting, just say 'X, could you stay in the call at the end please'. That lets everyone know you are not a walkover. Then after everyone else has left the call, say that you were taken aback by her being rude and you want to arrange a meeting to discuss this and other things, then have the 1:1 meeting another pp suggested.

You basically need to firmly and very politely put her in her place to signal to everyone else that you have authority and may be quiet but aren't a walkover, and then take it up with her on a private meeting. Good luck!

Can you consult HR on this?

you need to record date, times and note everything that was said or done improperly and deal with it all at once

My manager is reasonable but I know he will not want it to go any further and will want me to deal with it. He will not want HR involved at all. She isn't known as trouble or a problem employee. For the managers above there will be the view that she didn't have issues with the previous manager and it is something that I must manage.

There is some really useful advice that I can use to address things as they happen in meetings in front of others. That is the part I was struggling the most with. I have been passive and should have addressed it before. Thank you everyone for your advice.

Also to add with the performance side once I start documenting I expect it will improve as she will not want a PIP. Though I expect she will decline read receipts so not sure how I will tackle that.

It is the attitude which is the hardest but as I said I'll take all the advice here.

Definitely follow up 1:2:1 conversations with an email.

Email tasks and if she misses out a step politely point it out and ask if she requires further training/support. Again follow up with an email.

Building a paper trail will help you in the long run.

Hey, just to add I'm an HR Director. In addition to what I said above make sure your manager is aware of it, but accept that they will not deal with it for you (after all it's your job) It will be an uncomfortable conversation for both of you but is necessary

When you address it make sure it is in private and you are polite and professional, but firm.

Expect to get some negative feedback yourself, but absolutely don't get into a tit for tat conversation or start trying to justify anything, just say 'I hear what you are saying thanks for the feedback' (and reflect on what she says later) let her vent but don't let it get emotional from your side, you just need her to know that these things haven't gone unnoticed, aren't acceptable and need to stop.

Absolutely follow up by email, particularly any key points, and agreements made in the meeting, make sure you offer any support that she needs and if she has asked for some in the meeting, capture that (and follow through)

Also do not under any circumstances, send an email/text/im to your manager etc saying anything that you wouldn't want the individual to see (either now or in the future!)