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Original poster

To tell work about a sick relative

21 replies

RhyTim · 20/05/2022 01:38

I’m in a tricky situation at the minute, my grandma has been recently diagnosed with terminal cancer, the doctors aren’t sure how long she got but they reckon it’s a matter of several weeks left. So, yeah it’s a bit rubbish to say the least!

I’m in two minds about whether or not I should give work a heads up about the situation or leave it. I just don’t really know what to do!

OP posts:
MiddleParking · 20/05/2022 01:45

Sorry to hear about your grandma Flowers have you got a specific reason to consider telling your work eg do you have caring responsibilities?

Motherhippo · 20/05/2022 03:24

I'm so sorry about your grandma @RhyTim.
My mum got diagnosed with stage 2 bowel cancer last year. I informed my superiors at work for 2 reasons:

  1. My mum provided childcare on some of the days I worked, which she could no longer do so I had to change the days I could work.
  2. I wanted them to be aware because it may have effected my work performance. I'm a professional person and try to keep my personal problems out of my working day but I felt it was best to pre warn them in case my emotions got the better of me. Which did happen on at least one occasion.

I did not share with any of my coworkers as we are not close so did not want to discuss with anyone other than my superiors.

It's completely up to you whether or not you tell your work or not.

spottygymbag · 20/05/2022 04:52

I advised my two managers when my Df was ill. It meant they understood when I needed to apply for time off at the last minute a couple of times of the last few months he was alive. It also meant they weren't surprised when I put in for bereavement leave and were generally very supportive over a very stressful 6months. I told a couple of colleagues as we're friendly and supportive of each other but didn't tell everyone or make it general knowledge.

ahwobabob · 20/05/2022 05:28

Why would you need to tell your work? Unless you're a cater/dependant for them I wouldn't think it necessary...

pompomseverywhere · 20/05/2022 05:31

Yes you'd tell them so they are prepared when you need to leave suddenly.

Why wouldn't you tell them?

PAFMO · 20/05/2022 05:55

In the gentlest possible way- unless you are her carer, or your workplace is extremely generous with compassionate leave, then probably not.

Partners, obviously. Parents, probably. Grandparents, not really.

You're very unlikely to be given any time off except for a funeral for a grandparent.

Unless, of course, you're thinking of taking leave to be with her, in which case then, yes, maybe a heads up to see if it's possible.

So sorry Flowers

Butitsnotfunnyisititsserious · 20/05/2022 05:59

I did and my work were great, allowed me to pop out and visit when in hospital etc. There's no harm in telling your line manager.

hamsaladsandwichh · 20/05/2022 06:13

PAFMO · 20/05/2022 05:55

In the gentlest possible way- unless you are her carer, or your workplace is extremely generous with compassionate leave, then probably not.

Partners, obviously. Parents, probably. Grandparents, not really.

You're very unlikely to be given any time off except for a funeral for a grandparent.

Unless, of course, you're thinking of taking leave to be with her, in which case then, yes, maybe a heads up to see if it's possible.

So sorry Flowers

Where you work sounds absolutely awful.

"Parents, probably?" Confused

Nobody knows the relationship the OP has with her grandparents and how this will affect her. Some might be brought up by grandparents and essentially be their parents. I wouldn't be missing out on spending final time with my grandparents on the say so of a manager at work.

OP, if you are thinking of telling them incase you need to leave suddenly. Because you want some time off to spend time with them. Because you are just feeling sad and overwhelmed. Then do it.

People are not robots.

Goosey3 · 20/05/2022 06:15

@RhyTim So sorry to hear about your Grandma 💐
Ive been in this situation myself with my darling Grandpa and I did tell my work (shift work, very small team of 7, only 3 of us are key holders). He was the person I was closest to in my whole family. I got a call just as I had started work one day to say that he’d suddenly gone down hill very quickly (I’d seen him the night before and he was still doing ok) and that if we wanted to see him then his nurses advised getting there ASAP. Having told my work, I was able to just send a quick message to the other key holders asking if it was at all possible for someone to cover that day so I could shoot off and thankfully one of them (having been in this position herself before) came straight in and took over to allow me to go and be with him. Had I stayed at work, I wouldn’t have been able to have my last conversation with him as he was unconscious by the time I would have finished.

In my opinion, you have nothing to lose from telling them ❤️

PAFMO · 20/05/2022 09:07

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

JustSmallFry · 20/05/2022 09:10

I told my work when my grandfather was seriously ill. When he died I was at work and they immediately told me to go and be with my mother - he was her father.
If you're likely to want/need time off at short notice, then it's best to forewarn them

Whatelsecouldibecalled · 20/05/2022 09:16

I told my manager when my grandad was end of a life as I would have left work to be with him at the final time

I'm sorry about your grandma

caringcarer · 20/05/2022 09:22

Sorry your Grandma is poorly. In most workplaces you can get time off for death of spouse, your child, a sibling or parents. They count as close relatives. Most workplaces would give you a day off for the funeral of a grandparent. It might be paid or unpaid leave. Unless you are her carer or want to take a bit of your annual holiday to spend some quality time together whilst you still can I don't think you need to tell your employer's.

Original poster
RhyTim · 20/05/2022 09:54

So, I’ve spoken to work this morning. They couldn’t of been more caring about it. It was just to give them the heads if I needed to leave any point. There where more than understanding about it.

thank you

OP posts:
Original poster
RhyTim · 20/05/2022 09:55

This reply has been deleted

Message deleted by MNHQ. Here's a link to our Talk Guidelines.

there is no need to be so rude about the situation! I report your comment over the swearing there is no need for it!

OP posts:
ProclivityForPyrotechnics · 20/05/2022 10:08

@RhyTim she clearly wasn't replying to you.. she was replying to the horrible poster before her. Bit harsh reporting someone who got upset about their own experience..

GonnaGetGoingReturns · 20/05/2022 10:10

For me when both grandparents were ill and one was dying (cancer at last minute but was 94), I'd been at my job for 4-5 years and I did want to see them at hospital/hospice etc so they kindly allowed me time off to do this.

I don't think work should necessarily give time off in this scenario but if you want to take time off, either holiday, or make up time etc then do it.

Sorry your grandparent is terminally ill by the way, I hope they get all the care and support they need and so do their family.

Flowers
Hallibob · 20/05/2022 10:15

RhyTim · 20/05/2022 09:54

So, I’ve spoken to work this morning. They couldn’t of been more caring about it. It was just to give them the heads if I needed to leave any point. There where more than understanding about it.

thank you

So sorry to hear you're in this situation. Flowers I was just about to say that I told my line manager when my mum was diagnosed with breast cancer last year and they couldn't have been better about it. Said that I wasn't to worry if I needed time off to take her to hospital appointments etc, they would support me however I needed it.

Glad your work was understanding!

Goosey3 · 20/05/2022 11:09

RhyTim · 20/05/2022 09:54

So, I’ve spoken to work this morning. They couldn’t of been more caring about it. It was just to give them the heads if I needed to leave any point. There where more than understanding about it.

thank you

@RhyTim I’m glad to hear your work have been so caring and understanding of your situation 💐 It’s the way work places should be.
I hope you manage to spend lots of quality time with your Grandma 💐

Campervangirl · 20/05/2022 11:21

My mum was diagnosed with stage 4 cancer this year and I told work and they basically bent over backwards to help me, it's a big company though.
Put me on to the employee assistance scheme, paid leave, allowed me to work from home more often than I already was, rejigged my meetings, told my team not to pile additional work on to me etc.
I'd advise telling them, at the very least they may cut you some slack.
My dm recently passed away and again I have received nothing but support from my company.
I send you hugs at this difficult time

hamsaladsandwichh · 20/05/2022 12:20

@PAFMO

But you were telling the OP she wouldn't likely get time off and that's not correct you don't know her relationship or her workplace

There was no need to tell me to fuck off.

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