How to address a bully

[Mabelshouse]

A (male) friend works in a small team. He’s quite a sensitive soul. One of his workmates is not nice to him. Today he called him a dick. In front of customers . Definitely not in a friendly way. A taking the piss way.

Friend is really upset. He doesn’t feel he can call him out without getting v upset. Should he e mail instead? Say it’s unprofessional and it is upsetting?

he knows it’s a dignity at work thing but doesn’t want to escalate it at the moment. This bloke is a macho twat. My friend is the opposite of this.

any suggestions?

What do you mean by he can't call him out without getting upset about it? Crying? Or angry?

Probably both. Friend suffers from anxiety

He doesn’t personally “call him out”

your friend needs to speak to management or HR who will deal with it

I don’t think he wants to escalate it. I suppose he wants to say ‘stop’ first and if it continues escalate it.

I think he needs to wait till the next thing and just say “don’t speak to me like that”. Then if it happens again send an email to HR outlining the incidents when it’s happened. I think an email as a first response isn’t great.

I was badly bullied in my old job, was horrible. I never did anything I never spoke up, I was miserable called In sick multiply times. I hated it and it effected me when trying to get my dream job thinking it would be the same. So so so glad I left and overcome the anxiety now I am happier than ever and love my job and I've finally started sticking up for myself politely. A simple "I would appreciate it if you didn't speak to me like that" would be fine once you say something once I'll be shocked for them to do it again, and if they carry on then report it. Should never feel unappreciated or like that where you work. Good luck hope it all works out

Thanks. Maybe an e mail a bad idea then.
He needs to get the courage to stick up for himself.

I would (and have, recently) go above them and speak to their boss. I can sometimes resolve conflict myself, but when you know the person dismisses you, they’re better hearing it from someone senior imo. Many years ago, when I was working in a small off-licence, my colleague spoke to me like crap in front of customers. I didn’t say anything, just went out back, grabbed my coat and left. By the time I’d got home, the manager (not the colleague) was on the phone begging me to go back so the colleague didn’t have to lock up alone. I was furious, and didn’t really care about the job… but I went back, and that colleague never spoke to me like that again. It’s er… not the ideal way to resolve conflict/bullying though 😁

He should definitely not put up with this persons bullying at all. If it does happen after something is said 100% needs reporting, otherwise it'll just get worse