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Disastrous PDR - manager v upset anxiety (work- related)

7 replies

NotMyDust · 03/05/2022 10:46

I'd prepped carefully as imo I've had a rough ride (had to pick up where previous encumbant walked out) , been really trying to help boss out with planning, started some new initiatives etc. All to no avail. I've missed my targets and honestly don't know what I'm meant to be doing aside from looking for another job.
Anyway last week I'd prepped on a form I'd found on their system, to use as an aide memoire in our meeting. 5 minutes before we were due to meet my manager called out "where is the pdr form on the system' and to help her out I said I'd just searched for it. she said I was meant to fill it it and obviously I said I had, to which she said could I send it to her. I baulked a bit as what I'd written was quite direct and honest. i tried to say no tactfully but she insisted. I did some minor edits and sent it.
So then guess what, in our meeting she virtually cried, said how hard it is being a manager and asked for specific examples on instances where she'd 'done' what I'd listed as needed improving. I felt dreadful. But I managed to stick up for myself. she denied she'd offered me a promotion last year (nothing in writing) and I shared that I been suffering from menopause issues and work-related anxiety. I blame her for at least 50% of thus last point.

But can someone give me a mantra or some advice going forward? my job seems to empty and useless right now? I'm meant to be in a meeting with her now, she's possibly avoiding me. i' m extra worried she might put the boot in in an important board meeting later this afternoon.

help!

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 03/05/2022 10:54

She’s going to gaslight you now. She will use your menopause, etc to slam you. You need to be prepared for that and write a much more brutal review including mentioning her crying and blame-shifting. She DID promise a promotion and you have been thrown in the deep end. You have no clear parameters to work in and your KPI’s under these circumstances are unrealistic. Ask her how many staff members have been in this position prior to you. It’s a her thing.

Shgytfgtf111 · 03/05/2022 10:54

So on your personal development form you have just slagged off your manager?

growinggreyer · 03/05/2022 10:58

She clearly wanted you to be on the back foot before the meeting. What if you hadn't been proactive and filled in the form? Why was she telling you about it 5 mins before the meeting? Don't let this knock you, you were prepared and she wasn't. She didn't like what you had to say, but crying in a meeting is not very professional. Perhaps you should be aiming to move up or away from her.

Chica10 · 03/05/2022 11:00

Shgytfgtf111 · 03/05/2022 10:54

So on your personal development form you have just slagged off your manager?

Not slagging her off but just making what are clearly important points and why not. How can you do your job well, how can you grow and develop when you don’t have a good manager managing you?

growinggreyer · 03/05/2022 11:02

Oh, also you say that you have missed your targets. When were you given those targets? I am presuming you first heard about them at this meeting so set them as your current targets and work out how long it will take to achieve each one. Remember to use SMART targets. I would evidence this with an email to her to 'clarify' that she wants you to work on these targets and she wants you to drop the things you were doing.

NotMyDust · 03/05/2022 11:28

thanks all. some great advice there. yes it was unfortunate that I didn't just send her a blank template and hold firm to my 'aide-memoire' form. she is ignoring me now, didn't turn up for our 1-1 and only just responded to my reminder. I feel I am being sidelined. She has a history of people not wanting to be managed by her. She doesn't seem to feel the responsibility of being a manager imo. I do stop moaning in the next para I promise!!

There are some new targets set which were made before a crucial piece of info came to light (a rival organisation has set up an identical product) . I need to flag this obv, but otoh, I read somewhere that it's very productive to see things from your manager's pov, eg to ask "what can I do to make my manager look good"? basically she's pulling the wool over her boss's eyes with unrealistic expectations. this is a charity ffs I think they're behaving badly

off to review my cv....so demoralised....I hope she doesn't use my anxiety issues as a cover for her incompetence.

OP posts:
Fraaahnces · 03/05/2022 11:57

HR Dept first

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