How to get better at networking?

[Blaenwgwynfi]

Hi,

I have a job that involves a lot of networking. I’m okay if I go with a colleague or someone I know but I just hang around by myself when it is just me (social anxiety I think).

Anyway, I’ve got two networking events back to back next week and I’m going solo. Both involve drinks receptions, and one a dinner. How do I get talking to people and inserting myself into conversations - especially when other people all seem to know each other. I also tend to be the youngest and most junior which makes it even trickier imo.

Thanks in advance for tips!

There's a really good chapter on this in "The Jelly Effect" by Andy Bounds. Absolutely worth getting a copy. It's a quick read but very very useful,.

"Do you mind if I listen in" or "Do you mind if I join?" are good starters. Or ask the host to introduce you to someone? A good host will make sure you're not stranded on your own in any case.

Ask lots of questions. You don't have to say much about yourself if you don't wish to - but ask away! People love to be asked to talk.

Good luck, it'll be much better than you think.

The best piece of advice I have is get there first! I know it sounds frightening but if you’re first, the second person will come and talk to you, and likely the third and fourth… You will then have a ‘gang’ from the off.

It’s hard to approach big groups of people, especially if it appears they all know each other (they may well not though) so, if you can’t get there early, approach some one else on their own, even if that’s by the bar and they have come from a group…

In terms of starting conversation, I think at networking events you can be more forthright than at a private party. “Hi, I’m x from y, where do you work?” Ask lots of questions, don’t be scared to admit you’re on your own and smile a lot!

Good luck!

I think chatting shit seems to help!

^^"Get there first" is a great strategy.

If you can't manage that, then "act as if you're the host" can be a good one. Imagine you're the host and look out for people who are looking a bit lost, not talking to anyone etc. Go and make some conversation. It can be something, anything, just get something going. "Is this your first time here?", "Have you come far?"..

I've always made a conscious effort not to talk in a "closed group". So if you're talking to people, don't stand opposite them, stand a bit to the side so that there is room for someone else to join you. This works whether it's 2 people or a lot more,just be conscious not to make it a closed circle. So, look out for people doing this, and head for them!

"I couldn't help overhearing what you're talking about - I'm in the same line of work"

Or make a bee line for other singletons - "have you come far?" or "have you been to one of these events before?" etc

Conversation starters are usually pretty inane.

I absolutely hated this but it was part of the role I used to have.

You absolutely have to find out about the people that are there so if you can't research them beforehand, a good 'Hi, are you enjoying the event' and lead into asking them their line of work is good. Or if you know who the speakers are going to be, do some research so that you don't say 'what is it you do' to someone presenting next. And if you do, you can look on their social media to see if anyone has tagged 'see you next week' and see who else is going.

I used to work for a charity where the people who I worked with were genuinely thought of as pioneers in the field and was completely tongue tied when we first started to have social events. I then discovered that actually, that the research I'd done and continued to do on my own was interesting to them and we've gone on to become good friends. Never turn down workshops with these kinds of people, the fact that you are there with them can bring you into contact with all sorts of amazing and interesting people. Networking isn't just about turning up and chatting, it is all the background work you do to find out who it is you are potentially going to be sharing a space with.

I find if I talk to the person looking a bit lost I get stuck talking to them and can't move on. I do then say. I suppose we better circulate.

Agree @ZenNudist I tend to say I've really enjoyed speaking to you but mustn't monopolise your time. You can ask who shall we talk to next snd go over to them. If you think they are drowning you can take them to anyone, say this is xxx and leave them get on with it.

The trick is to get out of your own head, when you worry about what other people think of you and focus on what you can find out about them.

I find I use the question 'who else do you know here'. It gives you an excuse (as if you needed one) to open out from talking 121, have a look around and see who else you might want to talk to.

Their answer will guide your next steps, if they know people you want to meet it's 'oh, please introduce me' If they were on their own they might not want to stay so expect them to make the introduction and then leave and have some opening remarks ready about why you wanted to meet the new person or people.

If they admit they are a bit lost you can chat and make a plan together about who to talk to next.

If they are gorgeous and you want to spend the rest of your life together you can always try 'shall we get out of here '

Maybe don't use that last one too much