Am I overreacting?

[Blondemum28]

Hi all,

A bit of a long one so thank you if you take the time to read. I could do with a quick reality check before I consider my next move…

First a bit of background…

So my work has been pretty poor recently. The big boss has brought his friends in and since returning from maternity leave I have suspected that these people were intended to replace me and another person. I think work hoped I wouldn’t return after maternity.

Since then work have promised me a promotion in December so I’ve been holding out for that and overall doing well.

A woman in work was promised a promotion but had it taken away from her at the very last minute for unconvincing reasons. She was the other person I thought they wanted to replace and I don’t actually think they intended to give her the promotion - they were just keeping her sweet.

They gave the promotion to the big bosses friend. This guy is now my immediate boss and has been so for only a few days now.

Since the above, I’ve been concerned that work may just be keeping me sweet too and not give me the promotion in December.

Then this happened…

Last week something went wrong at work. I wasn’t to blame but could have done better. It was agreed as a team that some processes would be put in place to stop this happening and I thought that was that.

Yesterday a complaint came in linked to the above. The complaint had nothing negative about me but I knew the background to the complaint. I received it at 9am and had to leave for a meeting at 9.30am. It was only 50/50 that I even opened this email.

As my boss wasn’t at his desk I decided I would forward the complaint after my meeting (1.30pm). My thought process was that I didn’t want to drop this on him then immediately leave for hours. I presumed that they would want to discuss the complaint with me pretty much as soon as this was received, so no action would be taken until I got back anyway. Sending it now would just cause unnecessary frustration (and potentially cause me to be late for my meeting if they tried to speak to me on my way out).

I get back from my meeting and forward the email. My boss responds to me by email at 3.30 copying in the big boss, acknowledging my email and indicating I have only now brought the complaint to his attention.

I am then pulled into a meeting and bollocked for waiting so long before forwarding the email. He was really angry and implied that I was ‘simple’ for doing so and had purposely sat on the email in order to figure out how to address it.

I was told it was serious and unacceptable. I explained my reason why I delayed and that I honestly thought I was doing the right thing.

He did not accept this and told me in the time I had delayed an invoice had been sent to the complaining customer. This would have been pulled if they had known of the complaint.

I apologised, explained that I did not know invoices were going out (how was I to?) and that I honestly thought that I had taken the correct course of action although I understand this was the wrong call in this situation.

He then brought up the thing which went wrong last week, implied it was my fault and that he would be talking to me about it. I asked if we could discuss it now but I was told no, it would be next week as he wanted it to be constructive.

I get to now look forward to a bollocking next week and have that on my mind all weekend.

I don’t mind the question why I did not immediately send the email and if he explained the situation with the invoice I would have understood his frustration. But he didn’t even understand my position and I have never been professionally spoken to like that before. It was like I was a child and felt that my integrity was being questioned. He was unnecessarily aggressive - not in a threatening way but an angry way.

i was so upset and angry about being spoken to like that that I ended up having a little cry in the toilet which isn’t like me.

I’m now concerned that this is how it will be with this boss moving forward and/or it’s a bit of a play in order to avoid giving me a promotion in December.

my current thought is that things will get worse moving forward now. There’s no point in me waiting around so I may as well bail now and start looking elsewhere.

Just want to check everyone’s thoughts - am I overreacting? Should I just suck it up and keep trying towards this promotion? What do you think?

TIA

OyYour not overreacting and it’s obvious to you and to me that they are not going to honour the promotion. The promotion is a carrot and there will always be a reason why you won’t get it.

Be polite and accept, as you have done, you should have forwarded the email. Do not accept blame for the previous incident. If necessary follow up the meeting with an email confirming discussions and reasserting you were not to blame.

Honestly, it’s not going to get better so, if you can, start applying for jobs. Much better to be pro active and apply now rather than wait until they wear you down.

Agree with the pp.

You're being managed out and imo it's bullying (although I doubt you can prove it).

Leave before it destroys your confidence. Don't give them the satisfaction.

Bottom line is, they had options how this incident was handled.

• Either acknowledge that employees are human beings, explore what could be done better, implement improvements and ensure everyone involved learns from the experience.

• Or turn it into a witch hunt, artificially place you at the centre of the storm and make sure you feel demeaned, guilty and fearful of your job to keep you in your place.

The first is being part of a Learning Organisation culture. Staff are valued and respected, and blame/finger-pointing isn't entertained.

the second is being in a toxic culture, where nepotism is engrained and good staff like you are forced to leave, so it makes way for their mates.

My current thought is that things will get worse moving forward now. There’s no point in me waiting around so I may as well bail now and start looking elsewhere

They have shown you who they are. Enjoy your weekend, don't allow them to steal your happiness and peace of mind, and yes, start looking for a new job outside that shower of idiots.

Regain control.
They will haemorrhage good staff, people no longer put up with this crap. It's a job seeker's market, you will soon find something new, so don't waste any more time worrying.

They sound like arsehole bosses. Total overreaction unless you’re downplaying the seriousness massively.

my current thought is that things will get worse moving forward now. There’s no point in me waiting around so I may as well bail now and start looking elsewhere.

Don’t stay anywhere you’ll be undervalued. (Unless the maternity benefits are great and you plan another child sooner rather than later, in which case think carefully about whether it might be wise to get on with that first then jump ship. You don’t owe them any loyalty.)

Don't allow this to ruin your weekend. I worked for a family business and I had this sort of crap start and I just looked around for a new job as my sanity and mental health was more important than silly dramas that were constantly happening. I had also been promised a pay rise that surprise surprise never happened. My colleague also left . We both felt that in reality we would have had cases for constructive dismissal but we both happily moved on with our lives and have actually remained great friends

Thanks everyone - I actually cried reading your responses.

I think it’s just the validation of my feelings.

I’m going to start looking for a new position now. I had planned on trying for another baby next year (as I doubt they would promote me if I was pregnant as awful as that is) but I’m going to bail now - their maternity policies are rubbish anyway.

Thanks all - you’ve really helped x

Good luck op :)