Worried I'm going to lose my job due to my anxiety

[nonononononoooo]

Please help me navigate this situation. I feel like I've sabotaged myself.

I started a new job 8 months ago. It's slowly gotten worse, and recently I've had a couple of really stressful weeks due to a combination of factors (colleagues being on holiday, short and urgent deadlines, being asked to give my first few presentations).

I went to my GP about anxiety 3 months ago and was given CBT but it didn't help. I didn't mention this to work.

My manager is supportive, for example when I have said I'm stressed they have juggled things around. They have always encouraged me to speak up if I'm stressed, but to be honest it's something I struggle with. I go into our 1:1s with the intention of being more honest, but I end up saying everything is fine with a smile without even realising.

My attendance at work is not great. I can't really help it - I had to self-isolate and wait for a COVID test back when the COVID rules were strict so missed a work event so had to call in sick even though I said I could work from home and another time I had COVID and wasn't well enough to work. There have been two other instances of sickness where I have basically burnt myself out and become unwell.

I have been back to my GP and have now been given medication for my anxiety. I've been told by my GP it can give you bad symptoms for the first 1-2 weeks, and I'm worried in case I need more time off. I'm worried my attendance is going to flag to HR. I'm worried I've not mentioned anything about anxiety to my manager yet, even though they are supportive I feel like it makes me sound weak and like I'm not fit for the job.

It's probably my anxiety talking but I feel like I've completely messed things up and gone about this situation in the wrong way and that there's no way out from it

Could someone just please give me some advice and logical steps on how to approach this situation? Thank you

I think you are dead right, this is your anxiety making things seem much worse than they are.

I'd tackle it by:

1. asking for feedback eg on the presentations you did; What went well, what you could do better next time. I bet you get some good feedback and that will do you good
2. mention to your manager that you have started some new medication which may have side effects for a few weeks. Explain you will do your best to minimise impact at work, but you will alert your manager asap if your productivity starts to suffer. I don't think you are obliged to mention anxiety or the nature of the medication unless it is relevant to your ability to do your job eg you are operating machinery, supervising children etc.

I'm old school but it seems to me that you are worrying about worrying.
Tell your anxiety to shut up. Most people at work are average, you don't have to be perfect. Do some fun activities in your leisure time, do some self-care, see some friends, go places at the weekend.

I sympathise as I get the dread at work as I have to present to a lot of senior people.
It doesn't always go amazingly well, at times it does.

What helps me is that I know no matter how much my heart is racing and I'm hating to present, the working day will be over before I know it. Then it'll be just a memory.

Also I hear other peoples voices sometimes tremble when they present. So I tell myself my feelings of dread are a normal human reaction. Good luck. It doesn't sounds like you've missed insane amount of days at work.

Try to keep a positive mind and that your meds will kick in soon. You are capable to do this job, you've passed the interview process.
Try to fake it till you make it. Tell yourself you are the right person, and a capable person, for this job.

Are you happy in your job? Perhaps change your career path and start looking for a job that will lead to an area of work you enjoy.

Sometimes, the nature of the organisation you are working for, may be the root cause of stress.
From my own experience, I worked for a commissioning/PR role once and dreadfully unhappy because no matter what the work was like, the environment was stressful becaused it focussed on money only. I thought it was me but I was wrong. It could be the environment you work in is not doing you any good. It doesnt help if you don't have a supportive manager.
A change can be a good thing. Don't force yourself if the job is wrong for you.

If your company has EAP-Employee Assistance Programme- it is a free helpline that many employers pay a specialist company to provide their employees with access to, so they can get free confidential advice on any issue causing them to be distressed or distracted.
I hope it really works for you. If you like your job, listen to the advice given by others posts here.
Talk to the right person, HR or person dealing with your workload.. Keep us posted.

"I'm worried I've not mentioned anything about anxiety to my manager yet, even though they are supportive I feel like it makes me sound weak and like I'm not fit for the job."
No, you are not weak and sure lots of people feel like this and still do a great job. The root cause of your anxiety needs to be addressed - It could be family, friends. Try not to take things personally if their problems are burdening you.
Diet, wellbeing, ensure you are hydrated, exercise, eat well.

I think this is more common than you think. Loads of people get signed off work due to their mental health, you won’t be judged for it. I can’t really see a solution here because you can’t just keep going on as you are now, you won’t be productive at work and you’ll end up burnt out again

Sorry, I meant I can’t see a solution if you don’t tell your manager what’s going on

It is best not to give all your personal health details to your work managers and colleagues. Be brief and to the point but do not tell them what medication or if you are on medication. They do not need to know those details as it is non of their business. Your health details are private and confidential to share with close friend or family. Inform you manager of the basic detail of healthcondition you have if they need to know this.