Tricky issue of criticism/negativity

[FallenFigs]

I’m hoping for some advice on how to deal with a work issue. I’ll try and keep it concise although there is quite a lot of background.

New person at work (Person A) we work together on a project but not on same team. They’re quite open with their opinions on the competence of others - generally negative. These opinions have been said to me. To me, they have been complementary about my own contributions.

I have recently found out that this person is allegedly my harshest critic behind my back. The person who has told me (Person B) is very senior, and I suspect has their own reasons for telling me this. However Person B’s conduct is part of the context but not my main question. In short my confidence is totally shot, and I need to hear things directly not third hand.

I believe I made a small mistake on Thursday, in relation to one project we are working on. It’s unlikely to be a big deal but I need to get in front of it first thing Tuesday by calling Person A and effectively apologising before they shout it from the rooftops, given how they have been about others (and allegedly me).

What I need from Person A is for them to speak directly with me about any issues they have with me, or if they can’t do that, to speak with my line manager. How do I broach this with this person given their recent track record of being vocal about others but not directly with me? I really don’t want this to backfire and for them to run to Person B.

I hate all this work place politics. Advise appreciated.

Whatever happens, you can't control Person A's behaviour. If they are going to run to Person B then they will, whatever you do.

Just be honest and own your decisions - everyone makes mistakes and it's nothing to be ashamed / worried about.

But do watch your back.

How do I watch my back without being candid with the person who is doing the backstabbing?

Interesting that the word control is used. It’s not very functional surely for a work environment to encourage or allow people to be openly critical about everyone but the person it concerns? This happens to others not just me. It undermines everyone

As Hunderland said, you can't control what other people (A) do. Your focus seems to be on the people involved rather than the project, just fix the mistake if you can and move on. It's probably not necessary to involve A at all in any apology.

Yup can’t fix the mistake, just need to own it or at least accept it was a mistake to A. I think.
Focus is on the people, as it’s people who make a team rise or fall surely? And the relationships within it.

You're not on the same team as A or B though? I can see that knowing you are being talked about is bothering you, but it would be a rare workplace that didn't do this occasionally. And you know A talks about everybody anyway because you've heard A do this yourself.

Please don’t phone A to apologise. Mistakes happen. Be factual and professional; don’t let the context of Person A being a bitch throw you off course.

Send an email, address person A, cc your line manager.
Email should be factual: don’t say “I made a mistake”. Say:
“after reviewing [piece of work], I identified an error in the version I shared with you. The error is [x]. The impact is [y]. My recommendation to minimise the impact/ fix the error is [z]. The root cause of the error was [explain] and my proposal to avoid the error recurring in similar work in future is [give your idea]. Please let me know if you would like a call to discuss. Kind regards.”

You’re feeding the monster if you are apologetic. Everyone makes mistakes; it is how you handle the mistake and own the solution to whatever problem it has caused, that gets noticed ultimately. Eventually Person A will make her own mistakes and then she will have alienated people and no one will trust her or have her back. Give it time.

Hmm interesting. This is why I hate al this, take it so personally.
The mistake can’t be recorded as such. It was more an error of an approach (involving an external party and the perceived way of doing things. A is more experianced than me at this process). So I can’t rectify it as such. The risk is that she frames it to others internally as me dropping the ball.

It’s a very small business, so little ripples have a big effect, in terms of reputation and so on.

Not on the same team, as in we have different managers. But need to work on same project and succeed.

One of those crap situations where the women are locking horns and the men are oblivious.

You're seriously overthinking this.

If you've made an error then use Lolly's wording and amend as appropriate.

If you feel it's not an error but a different approach, then do nothing.

But whichever you choose, do it and move on.

Don't give it, or A or B, any more headspace.

On the one hand, I agree.

On the other, all this shit (ie the criticism) is being served up as something I need to listen to as it’s affecting my ‘brand’. Apparently.

Yes - listen, smile and nod, move on.

Listen. If they are out to get you then a) join a union b) write everything agreed with them in emails back to them (then they can't say there were any 'misunderstandings'), c) be professional in everything you say and do at all times.

This headfuckery is only hurting you; I can guarantee they're not all sat round thinking about you at 9.30pm on Easter Saturday.

So don't give them the same satisfaction.

I have been there (as have many of us), I am now a union rep due to the shit I went through so trust me, I know what I am saying and this ^^ is free advice

It doesn't sound like Person A is in anyway someone who you have to cowtow to, if you don't directly report to them and they aren't on the same project as you. You mentioned they are "new" - on what planet does a new staff member start causing this much havoc this early in their career there?

Don't whatever you do contact person A and apologise or discuss your 'error'. You will be crediting them with unauthorised power. They are nothing to you, so don't empower them to make them feel you're afraid or give a damn what their opinion is. That's playing into their hands.

Well yes Daisy you make a very good point, this person is new from the start of the year and has very quickly started openly criticising others.

I can see that an apology of whatever form would be giving them power.

How do I get out of this headfuckery, then? Hunderland I agree with the term. This, and other criticism, has been served up to me, and in an absence of any positive recognition, it's wrecking my confidence.

Feeling like it's really not a very nice place. On the other hand, every workplace is like this sometimes, so perhaps I just need to work on my resilience and not giving a damn.

On the other hand, every workplace is like this sometimes, so perhaps I just need to work on my resilience and not giving a damn.

It isn't the case that every workplace is as you describe. Yes, it's full of people, but it isn't true to people like person A are allowed to carry on behaving badly for an extended period of time.

Think of the workplace as a form of relationship, which it is. You contract to undertake work and they reciprocate contractually to provide you with the safe, healthy environment and tools within which to operate effective, through policy and processes and people must adhere to. They aren't doing enough to stop Person A from being a nasty gossipy bully, and allowing the culture to perpetuate and infect the rest of the workforce.

Ignore this situation at your peril. You are using up your valuable career time being held back by toxic management. You need to evaluate the situation dispassionately and decide if there's any chance of fixing the problem.

Take the steps to fix things eg taking out a grievance if you have sufficient facts to create a strong case so the powers-that-be get Person A banged to rights, controlled, taken out of harms way etc.

if it's too difficult because the decision-makers are too slopey-shouldered to get things under control, then you'd be well advised to find a new job elsewhere so it doesn't undermine your confidence and suck the joy out of working.

Hmm, wise words. Thank you. I have definitely been concerned about how much time this is taking up (not just mine, that of Person B who has involved themselves).

My instinct is that the problem is not fixable by me raising the issue. Even if I raised a grievance, it would need to involve Person B which would unleash all sorts of additional noise.

Looking back at the language I'm using, it does actually feel quite toxic. It has already undermined by confidence.

So what should decisions-makers be doing with A, in a healthy work place? Instructing their line manager to pull them in to line in terms of openly voicing criticism?

@FallenFigs

How do I watch my back without being candid with the person who is doing the backstabbing?

Interesting that the word control is used. It’s not very functional surely for a work environment to encourage or allow people to be openly critical about everyone but the person it concerns? This happens to others not just me. It undermines everyone

You can't change these types of bitches. I know from bitter experience.

The fact that she was slagging everyone off to you told you should have told you that they'd slag you off behind your back too, this is always true.

Being candid will 99.999999% backfire and Person B will actively hate you and try to undermine you with even more passion and focus.

You have 2 options,

1. Sit it out, be professional, transparent own up your mistakes and network, network, network at work and beyond so that you have excellent social capital. You'll have to work even more efficiently now and while everyone makes mistakes, always deal with yours proactively and professionally. Train yourself to be the best at you work that you can and soon you might be promoted or able to move on and up in another role. When she talks shit to you about others say you don't see it that way and that you appreciate colleague x,y,z.

Option 2 is to leave.

The types of co workers are toxic and petty.

BTW, I'd only recommend option 1 if the rest of your workplace is non toxic and management efficient and productive. If management is shit too it will mean that people like person A died too much power and there is literally nothing further to gain from a job like that. I twill lead to burn out and erode your confidence, which will cot you $$£££ in the end as it takes ages to recover from burn out.

person A yield too much power

All workplaces are not like this. It sounds pretty toxic tbh. I'd be looking for other jobs.