So distracted by personal life issues that I can't focus on *any* work when WFH

[Tonkah]

(disclaimer - I do wonder if there's a bit of ADHD in the background - meaning that this issue is merely illustrating ADHD procrastination..)

Am I the only person who finds it simply impossible to get started on WFH when there is something else happening in my personal life? For example, I'm currently waiting for a mortgage application to come back. It's going to take about two weeks. I simply can't focus on work until it comes back. I am aware how bad that sounds but I simply sit on the sofa, googling everything that could go wrong, thinking up Plan B, thinking about the worst case scenario, researching the lender's acceptance rate etc. It’s like there’s a block towards me actually getting on with a work task because my mind is so full with what’s going on in my life.

Another example - I am undergoing infertility investigations. So of course, for a good few weeks I spent my days hyper focussed on researching every last aspect of it. And worried about what the outcome might be.

Thinking about it last night and I realised it’s not just work tasks that I can’t do. It’s personal ones as well, such as not popping out to collect a prescription or going to the postbox. But of course, the main issue is working! Or the lack of it.

I just can't knuckle down to work 9-5. Instead I am having to work my evenings and weekends just to catch up on deadlines. All the while feeling massive levels of guilt (and exasperated self-talk) all day long for being so useless.

Am I the only one?

If you're working weekends and evenings to catch up then you ARE working when you're working from home. So it isn't that you aren't, so what's different in those hours? Is it company? Pressure?

genuine question: what is the difference between being obsessive & having ADHD?

Are you sure you aren't using these things as excuses when you really would like to procrastinate on your paid job for any reason?

Yes WFH is distracting, I am with you on that ! Astonishing how much more productive I am when I am in office.

That is a really good point. I am going to think about that.

Wow. I hadn’t thought about it like that before. Let me have a think and I will get back to you!

I have adhd and this is a classic huge problem for me back in my office working days. I could just about scrape through or some days even do well when everything was fine - but any big or even just niggly life stuff and I struggled so hard. It can be impossible to break out of rumination sometimes and into task mode.

Do look into getting properly assessed, as if you do have adhd you can change your life going forward. I got my diagnosis via psychiatry uk on their nhs right to choose pathway, but they also do private (a few other companies do both too) from gp to diagnosis was 7 months for me after initially being told 13 months - I got an earlier cancellation and sorted from there. Much faster than traditional route.

Oh that is tough. This sounds like my dd who does have an ADHD diagnosis- the hyper-focusing especially is very familiar. It's really frustrating-for all of us!

I'm afraid as her parent, I take up a lot of the slack - I'm a sounding board (eg 'so what would happen if you didn't focus on this now...' etc kind of coaching). Or I take some of the worry on board for her and say 'we'll think about this when you've done that...'

I'm not explaining it very well but my point is I am kind of her cheerleader. Do you have someone who can do that for you? It might help?

At uni she engages with the disability service and they have put measures in place, eg extra time in exams.

So she looks for external support is what I'm trying to say.

It's really difficult being 'stuck' inside your own head but her diagnosis has helped us understand it a lot better and find ways to manage it rather than me just being exasperated with her all the time!

@SleepingStandingUp

If you're working weekends and evenings to catch up then you ARE working when you're working from home. So it isn't that you aren't, so what's different in those hours? Is it company? Pressure?

I’ve had a think about what it is that’s different when I do eventually get the work done at home.

• I’m able to work better in the evenings, weekends, bank holidays. I think it’s because at these times, I know I’m “safe” in that I won’t be receiving an email or phone call with bad news (e.g. from the hospital, solicitor, etc.) during these times. So it’s as though I can stop worrying about everything ‘because there’s no point, what’s going to happen on a bank holiday Monday?’ sort of thing, and focus on the work.

• another motivation is of course the fact that this work does have to be done eventually! And I don’t want to face the consequences if I fall behind with any of it. So I suppose fear is a driver in the end.

• I think a final aspect could be sleep. If I haven’t slept much/very well, the next day is harder.

Thanks again for helping me think about that. It was an interesting exercise!

It can be impossible to break out of rumination sometimes and into task mode.

This is exactly the issue, @Lubeyboobyalt, it’s a good way of putting it. I do think at some point I will go forward to explore it as an option. It’s just right now I don’t think I have the spare headspace with so much of everything else going on!! But at some point in the next few years I think I will do it. Have you found that it’s medication that helped you break out of rumination mode?

Thank you @kindlyensure. I have noticed in the past that I can ‘use’ other people to help, for example at university I would buddy up with someone and we’d both aim to write X words in an hour type of thing!

Unfortunately WFH it’s really difficult to do that. We all sort of work on our own projects and the only deadline as such, is reporting our status to the manager at the end of each week.

Maybe I need to think about being my own cheerleader! As I mentioned above I wonder if that would be helped by me trying to get a bit more sleep. It really does make a difference to my ability to ‘get on’ with things.

I have to remove my phone from my desk. Otherwise I'm constantly googling stuff that pops into my head. I just look at it when I make a drink

I am very similar to you and this is why I always avoided a WFH, self employed or even a job that isn't finished and boxed off at the end of the day, as I know I would struggle. However, I have massively got my shit together if the last few years, through putting good solid organisational strategies in place, and actually think i could manage it now.

I find ADDitude podcast it great for learning about ADHD tendencies and strategies to mitigate the problems these tendencies create. The organised time technique (from the creator of The organised mum method) is also worth a read.

Try creating a list of home admin and work admin priority jobs to work through each morning, and maybe again after lunch (including checking emails). Some of the jobs on them list may not need actioning every time you look at your list, but it just stimulates you to think about it and then strike through it in your list. If you open an email that needs actioning add it as a task to your to do list.

Then have a work and home 'to do' list. I have it in a spread sheet. Add anything that comes up to your list (I also shout things at Alexa as they come into my head and add them to my written list as one of my priority jobs). Highlight reach job my importance; red- immediate, amber-urgent, green- when I get the time (but can be moved up the priority as necessary), blue- pending but can't be actioned now, with a date next to it for when it can be. I then also assign each colour a number and use the sort function in excel to instantly order my list.

Then set a timer for a tolerable amount of time and start at the top of your list, without allowing anything to distract you. Emails can wait till the next email checking session, all but the most urgent phonecalls can go to answer phone (and listen to them as part of your priority list).

When your timer goes off set a break timer and have a cup of tea.

Then start again with your timer.

Allocate a chunk of time each day (set a timer) to indulge your current hyperfocus, instead of trying to fight it.

Do you have anxiety by any chance? I do and am very similar to this.

TBF getting a mortgage accepted and infertility investigations are MASSIVE life events IMVHO...I think anyone would find it difficult to knuckle down to work at home with those kind of distractions on your mind...I know I would...

You need a timer. Do 20/30mins work then take 5/10/15 min break and repeat all day.

No you aren't the only one, OP. I could have pretty much written your entire post. I'd always assumed it was anxiety tbh, but I don't really know anything about ADHD.
The only thing that works at all for me is to have a to do list each day with only 3 things on it. The 3 most important tasks for the day (work or otherwise) that absolutely HAVE to be done. Once those are done, you can write down another 3 etc. But I find if I start with a longer jobs list, I get overwhelmed and don't do any of it!